"but try and see the pain between the words"
I was thinking about that as I was reading through the thread. I agree with Simon that you don't just get a free pass to do what you want because you are a victim, but, I'm genuinely worried about Umber. I hope she is getting some help.
Umber - We are on your side. Please reach out to us for help anytime, but more importantly, please reach out to a professional.