by cognac 16 Replies latest jw friends
Just feel like I could never make it on the outside world. I was never able to adjust, except in being a mom and in business. Those are the only things that I feel strong in. It's been about 8 years since I've figured out ttatt.
Not sure what really to do. Maybe I'm just a warning, to get an outside life; away from the JWs... Idk...
Hi cognac,
Being able to cope well with being a mom and also being good in business is really quite the accomplishment.
Is there a slight chance that maybe you are a little hard on yourself and dont see how well you really do?
I dont know you and am not trying to "armchair psychology" you, I was just struck by the fact that you are successful at two very important things and I find that impressive.
Hello cognac,
I agree with millie210. You may be pushing yourself too hard..? Most people would find it challenging to balance being a mom and being a businesswoman.
Right now, I don't even have a family, don't own a business.. I am a 9-to-5 employee. By the way, I've learned TTATT before I got baptized, and a few years later remembered TTATT again. I'm still associating with the group because I'm pretty much a "loner" outside of work and need a few "friends", albeit, conditional.
Anyway, you are doing much better than I am. ^^ I hope you feel better and better soon.
Thank you, I just feel alone sometimes. When I'm being really honest, yes, I'm hard on myself. How can I not be? Especially with being a mom. I didn't have a great example to go by, I'm guessing my way through this, and praying I don't screw things up. Being a mom is everything, and I hope I'm good enough that my kids can use me as a baseline to become better.
'I was never able to make money, except for the first five trillion.... Its been hard after that"
i tease of course :)
The real question is..... What did you expect? What was your expection or qualifier for "success " that you feel you've fallen short of? Figure out where you are unfulfilled and pursue it. The cult creates lofty universal implications for our every choice. Wenare either pleasing the one true god or giving ammo to the greatest evil ever to exsist... The true os so much more mundane. Perhaps you simply havnt found a replacement purpose that helps you feel fulfilled in the same way :)
I agree with Millie. Really, you got the top 2 things, covered great. Being a Mom/parent, should be your first priority, and it sounds like you are doing great with that. Being succesfull in business, WOW, thats awesome, and quite an accomplishment. That one is usually number 2 on peoples list, some, without children, would say its number 1.
Maybe, you are having issues making friends. Well, just apply the skills you used to become a good Mom, and a good business person. It may come naturally, after that.
If its spirituality, that you are looking for, or not having an easy time adjusting too, that may be a bit harder, but it can be figured out. Thats part of everyones own personal journey. You should never let the org/GB, dictate what your spirituality is. Its between you and Jehovah, or you and the universe, or you and your own peace inside.
Dont be so hard on yourself, you are probably doing fine. Yes, we can always do better, but we have to take it one step at a time. Even 8 years, is not neccessarily a long time, in the scheme of life. If you accomplished being a great Mother, and a powerhouse in business, in 8 years of being "out", you should COMMEND yourself, and be PROUD.
I think it comes down to how much pain it is causing you to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses versus what pain would be associated with fading out and leaving. How tied to the organization are you? Lots of relatives and friends that mean a lot to you that would cut you off entirely? Children involved who would get caught in the middle? Husband who would make your life hell?
Feel free to PM me if you want to talk privately.
CC
"Lots of relatives and friends that mean a lot to you that would cut you off entirely? Children involved who would get caught in the middle? Husband who would make your life hell?"
I think you hit the nail on the head... Dealing with this is such a nightmare. I'm lonely, insanely hurt, and trying to balance everything... It's not even that easy. Everything has a million implications...
Cognac, If you are a great mom and are great at business, my hat is off to you. These qualities may not be the total "package" of what you are looking for, however, they are the basic building blocks of "outside" worldly success. Many worldly people could have fallen into the successful group without having both of these qualities at the same time.
I personally feel that the indoctrination of WTBTS of constantly insisting that "I" personally (along with every other reader) was grossly deficient, prone to failure, tempted and sinful, and totally inadequate without the WTBTS's input and dependence on their constant guidance, distorts a truthful judgement of ourselves. This type of "spiritual diet or food" is intentionally done to psychologically keep followers off balance and doubting themselves so that they feel dependency on the WTBTS. It is very similar to a drug dealer.
You have not reavealed enough of why you feel inadequate "to make it in the outside world", so I won't offer correct actions, but I'm interested in your further expressions.
I think that everything has a million implications when you're trying to hold onto something that you need to let go of. I was so worried about so many things as a JW. Everything we did was heavily scrutinized by everyone around us and by everything we read and heard. Every decision was life or death. My life is so much simpler after leaving the organization. All that stress just melted away. I cannot quantity the amount of relief. It's just amazing.
I've started my own business but never became a parent and I was able to get out. If you can do those two things you can too. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's possible. I'm a recovering perfectionist. I was sooooooo hard on myself. What I learned over time is the truth of the statement that you, as you are right now, are enough. I was addicted to striving to be more and do more because that's what the religion put in me.
I don't know you, but you must be strong to run a business and a family. That's tough. And you put a great emphasis on motherhood, which is beautiful, but you want to set a great example, right? What do you want your kids to see when they look at you? A person trapped, or a free spirit?
I need to make a thread about my journey out, but one of the biggest things that helped me break free of the mental and emotional chains was listening to great audio books that helped me to develop healthy perspectives on life. So much of reality is how we choose to, or have been trained to, see it. There is good and bad and we get to choose where to look.
I went from suicidal to the happiest and most well adjusted person many that know me know. I went from full of anxiety to peace. I went from having no friends in the organization to starting to develop new relationships on the outside, and I used to literally hate just about everyone. My life has transformed in so many powerful and positive ways. I stopped trying to force myself into the role I was given as a JW and realized through some powerful experiences that true power is shown not by trying to control everything by forcing it, but my allowing things to be as they are and accepting them. One thing I had to accept was that I didn't fit in as a JW no matter how hard I tried to force it. All of my prayers for friends were never answered the way I thought. Nobody in the organization cared at all and I was constantly turning away invitations from worldly people because I thought that's what God wanted. All along he was sending me what I needed but it didn't align with the JW teachings. I gave in and followed life and what it gave me and things finally started falling into place. It can happen for you too.
(((Hugs)))
