"people themselves have a role to play and some personal responsibility for the experience.
Notice I said "some" responsibility, not "complete""
I completely agree. There are people I've mourned as if they had died, because of the shunning. If they ever came around, I'm not so sure I'd want a relationship with them. Not only do they have some responsibility, but, there are consequences to choices made that might never be able to be undone...