Posts by wildfell

70

How to make love & marriage work w/a JW

by StillinLove in

please dont comment saying to "run" or "get out while i can" thank you im not new to this, so i can handel it.

i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we started dating in high school and now i am going to college and he is working.

i am 20 and he is 21, i was raised catholic but my mom and i are too open minded for the church so we left.

wildfell

Hi StillinLove

Sorry that you are feeling hurt! It's hard to love someone and hear them spoken of in less than admiring terms. It is understandable given the totally honest way that people (me included) have responded to you. I do not believe that anyone's aim was to hurt you, but rather to inform you and give you the benefit of their hard-earned wisdom.

You say that people are judging your boyfriend without knowing him. I certainly feel that although I don't know him, it doesn't take Einstein to work him out, based purely on his behaviour.

I heard a great saying recently. It went something like . . . 'don't listen to what a man SAYS, look at what he DOES'.

70

How to make love & marriage work w/a JW

by StillinLove in

please dont comment saying to "run" or "get out while i can" thank you im not new to this, so i can handel it.

i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we started dating in high school and now i am going to college and he is working.

i am 20 and he is 21, i was raised catholic but my mom and i are too open minded for the church so we left.

wildfell

Hi Stillinlove

The posters here have shared their EXCELLENT advice, insights and personal experiences. It is easy to say that you can overcome anything when you are 21. Been there, done that. Would love to do it again, but if only I knew then what I know now! LOL

Your boyfriend seems like a real charmer. He has the capacity to keep everyone happy. Whatta boy! He keeps you happy, he keeps his mum happy, he keeps the congregation happy. He does it by fooling and deceiving everyone.

We all want to know as much about our prospective life partners as possible, don't we? You have a real advantage here. You have gained a real insight into his true character. His character is that he is very capable of lying and deceiving people that love him. He justifies it, too, but saying that they are so strict that they give him no alternative. Stillinlove, one day he will lie to you and deceive you, too. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.

You say that you love the fact that he is a physically big guy who can intimidate people . . . I would like to suggest that on the inside he is a very little man cause he has no scruples and he is intimidated by his mother and his congregation. A genuinely big man has integrity and is true to himself and to the people around him. A moral man is an honest man who doesn't lie and lead a double life.

One more important thing that you may not have thought of. He really, really wants to keep his mumma happy. He chooses her over you now. Yes, he does! Imagine what your life will be like when he chooses his judgemental, disapproving mother over you time and time again when you are married? (You can't even begin to imagine how miserable a nasty mother in law can make your life!) He will show his ultimate loyalty is to his mother, not to you. He is doing that now,

I encourage you to think with your head, not your heart. I wish you all the best of luck!

45

JW's from "The World" have a easier time going "Back Out Into The World"?

by BBOARD in

jw
friends

we all know how hard it is, usually, for those rasied in the truth to readjust "outside in the world" once they leave ... so not to undermine them (esp.

for those who came in later in life - regardless of how many times from the podium you were instructed not to "leave the love you had at first" many of you are here because you found out the "truth about the truth" whether it was the people or doctrine or combination ... and were willing to open your mind, realize the "truth about the truth" and leave.

not to undermine all those years and mind numbing propaganda you endured in the jw's, but i have always felt: .

wildfell

I was baptised at age 20 and left over 20 years later. My husband was born in. I think waking up to the truth about the 'truth' has been really hard for both of us but in different ways. I think it hit me even harder than him. This is how I felt . . . X 1000% I had really believed it, and I made that decision as an adult, so did not question at all (until the paedophile scandles came out). My husband, being born in, had questioned the hypocrisy and strange doctrines since childhood.

I think that I am more optimistic about the future - re-building our lives, making new friends, etc, than my husband is. I had to lose all my friends and family when I became a jw, and had to start again in the org. The congs I have been in were initially very unwelcoming until I got baptised, so I was extremely lonely for a good while. But I built a new life for myself as a faithful sister. So essentially, I started from scratch once before, I know that I can do it again. My husband, however, always had been part of the 'club' of the jw's. He has never had to start over before. We are very grateful that we have each other and that our abrupt exit (we didn't fade, we just stopped going), was done at the same time.

Re whether I have gone back to my old personality . . . I have always been myself. I may have been a more wound up, depressed wildfell as a jw, but I was always wildfell. I am just enjoying feeling free, and finally, after a very long and painful journey over the last year, a LOT HAPPIER!

18

Was it better to be an elder's wife, or a CO's wife?

by AlmostAtheist in

jw
friends

a friend of mine was asking about the cult we all hold so dear, and i was explaining some of it to her.

i told her about elder's wives, and how they have both the prestige of that position, plus the social standing.

logically, it would be even better for a co's wife.

wildfell

What prestige for elder's wives? It's a 'position' you acquire when your husband is appointed. If one is not interested in dominating, snooping or manipulating, that 'position' holds no appeal whatsoever.

Why, you ask?

Oh, something to do with some sisters automatically viewing you with hostility. Cause your husband is working hours and hours for the congregation and you often don't get to see him for days. You just iron a lot of shirts. Of course, silly me, that deserves automatic hostility.

Um, what about it being very hard to make new friends because no one trusts you enough to open up. Cause your husband is an elder and of course, you're going to dob. So you're grateful for the good girlfriends you had before you hit the JACKPOT and became "an elder's wife". One must not forget about the other elder's wives . . . they love to talk to one if one is emotionally stable . . . because they are NOT! Most had medically diagnosed mental illness and were on antidepressants. Why? Because their elder husbands were EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE, that's why. So one becomes somehow their nominated confidante about how toxic their marriages are. Oh, just lovely!!

How can one forget the cold, the fatigue and the fear of sitting all alone in an unlocked big kh at night while the all important elders are in the back room with the door closed? Waiting patiently until 11.30pm - 12am and then getting up for work the next day. Hmmm, prestige ?

Let me not forget about "Setting The Example For The Sisters". What a friggin load of crap that was!!!! Must always be regular at meetings, never miss Saturday morning group. Answer up at the Watchtower! How low cut is that top? That lipstick is too bright. Too much bling, take some of it off. Major catastrophe to walk into the hall 5 minutes late. Always have the watchtower underlined. Mingle. don't just talk to those you know. Can't go home straight after the meeting, even if you are exhausted, must talk to the brothers. Must stay out in door to door for at least two hours before we can go on calls. You should give up work. Why aren't you pioneering? Keep an eye on sister soandso, she's down and needs someone to talk to. You should be more hospitable. Invite the pioneers over for dinner. Keep the house spotless. Do more do more do more cause it will never be freakin well enough! Prestige?! Prestige?! What damn prestige? Everyone can feel free to comment about you, critise you, demand more of you. And you had better deliver, cause you're "an elder's wife". Oh, yes, they are so important, elder's wives . . . you think?

Last but not lease. You're married to a great guy, you are best friends, you can always talk to him about what's bothering you . . when you see him . . . and when he isn't coming home late, late at night after a jc, looking white as a ghost and emotionally rung out because he's a compassionate guy. But you're not sacrificing, cause you have a position of 'prestige' in the congo, right?

So this is a big long rant. It's been a long time coming. I have been listening to other posters comment negatively about elder's wives and they just don't have a clue. Being an elder's wife in the cult sucked big time for me. So glad I am free.

215

Quotable Quotes; Please Add Yours ...

by compound complex in

the endeavor to compel all men to think alike on all subjects,.

culminated in the great apostasy and the development of the .

great papal system; and thereby the 'gospel,' the 'one faith,'.

wildfell

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.

It's already tomorrow in Australia.

Charles Monroe Schulz

The future depends on what we do in the present.

Mahatma Gandhi

What is past is prologue.

William Shakespeare

46

A Jehovahs Witness just called on my door

by mouthy in

jw
friends

to invite me to the march 22nd do.

please pray for him.

i invited him in because it is so cold.. poor soul !!!!

wildfell

Hi Mouthy, good on you for talking to him as you did. You sure gave him a good witness! I am at the stage where I feel sad for the witnesses I see now. But it is a personal journey for all of us. God willing this man will think about what you told him. You gave him precious insights he would never have heard from the meetings or the 'friends'.

kind regards

wildfell

5

has anyone else seen this article about what's going on in Egypt? shocking!

by veradico in

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7247228.stm

wildfell

there is the muslim/arab movement against the christian copts, again, been going on for yrs.

Unfortunately, Human Rights is not a term that is understood by many (not all) Muslim people in the Middle East. Their religious beliefs are supreme.

They have been murdering Coptic Christian Egyptians and blowing up Coptic Orthodox Churches for hundreds of years. The west has only just recently got a taste of Muslim terrorists. Millions of Christians in the Middle East have been living with (or dying because of) Muslim terrorists for generations.

Having said that, the U.S. and Australia are also known to be abusers of Human Rights. Their political beliefs are supreme. Just ask Amnesty International.

What is going on in Egypt is a disgrace! Is this typical of dogmatic Muslim thinking and behaviour? Thank goodness I live in the west. Chaining people to beds, forced anal examinations to prove homosexual behaviour? Forced medical examinations? This kind of behaviour by the state is repugnant in the extreme. But it also sounds like what I have read about Guantanamo Bay and CIA torture methods.

What I find ironic however is that, if those same people suspected of HIV resided in the U.S., they would be entirely ignored and denied medical treatment and left to die if they didn't have money for treatment. Go figure.

23

what as your first jolt that started your wake up process?

by yourmomma in

jw
friends

you know when you are in a deep sleep and something happens that may put you on a different level of sleeping, not as deep.

anyway, then i thought, 90 minutes for lunch?

so, there is a group waiting to cross the street.

wildfell

My very first jolt that started to wake me up happened when I realised that there is a culture of fear in the organisation. Not fear OF the elders. But fear BY the elders. Of bethel.

An incident occured whereby I got to see first hand that bethel must be obeyed, and with tembling. I realised that there is a definate power base. That those who are supposed to serve us, who lived off our donated funds (in a very nice style, I must add), rule over us. They were not kindly old spiritual men at all. They were dominating, power hungry hypocrites who liked to flex their muscle. What bethel wants, bethel gets. NOW! I got a jolt realising that there is a very definate hierarchy in the 'truth' even though it was always denied in the watchtower. And that there would be reprisals against anyone, even elders, who did not obey totally and immediately.

Whatever happened to "you all are brothers"?? Whatever happened to love being the identifying mark of true Christians??

I saw elders literally with fear in their eyes over a letter from bethel. The letter was making demands over something that I thought was of a relatively minor nature, but the elders were afraid and stressed over it. I remember saying in amazement to the elders "you're frightened, you're really frightened!!". They just looked at me and didn't deny it.

I used to wonder why there was no love in the congregations. I had to conclude that that is because there is no love higher up, either.

Then, I became 'critical of jehovahs organisation', like they are always warning against. The rose coloured glasses had been smashed.

So, when I saw a television interview over pedophiles being protected by the org a few years later . . . . That was, I suppose, my second jolt . . . . . which made me wonder - they have lied to us about having policies that protected pedophiles, what else have they been lying to us about . . . . and eventually a few years later . . . . I am on jwd and I am free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

24

Were You More Depressed & Sick When You Were An Active Witness?

by minimus in

jw
friends

has your life changed so much for the better that you even feel better since you left the "truth"?

wildfell

Yes, I used to be chronically blue when I was a jw. Even as a jw I used to acknowledge that the meetings used to depress me. Not just the 'do more do more' demands from the society, but the mind games in the literature and the fakeness of the 'friends'. Althought I was unhappy and privately disagreed with so much, I felt trapped because I wanted to keep on serving jehovah, thinking this was the truth, etc.

I was very depressed and distraught when I first started my exit last year. But that has slowly faded as I have progressed through my grieving and am reclaiming my life and mind.

I realise with the understanding of hindsight that being in a cult was what was so depressing. Life outside the cult is great!

17

Could some be genetically prone to be religions?

by JH in

at our hall, so many entire families were jw's.

an elder told me that all the other members of his family were of another religion.. this made me wonder if some families could be genetically prone to be religious?.

wildfell

self-forgetfulness, or the ability to get entirely lost in an experience; transpersonal identification, or a feeling of connectedness to a larger universe; and mysticism, or an openness to things not literally provable. Put them all together, and you come as close as science can to measuring what it feels like to be spiritual.
"This allows us to have the kind of experience described as religious ecstasy," says Robert Cloninger, a psychiatrist at Washington University in St. Louis, Mo., and the designer of the self-transcendence portion of the TCI.
To narrow the field, Hamer confined his work to nine specific genes known to play major roles in the production of monoamines—brain chemicals, including serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine, that regulate such fundamental functions as mood and motor control. It's monoamines that are carefully manipulated by Prozac and other antidepressants. It's also monoamines that are not so carefully scrambled by ecstasy, LSD, peyote and other mind-altering drugs—some of which have long been used in religious rituals.

Re monoamines discussed in the article quoted above. (page 3 of article in BurnTheShips post, if anyone is interested)

I recall discussing the "ability to get entirely lost in an experience" and "a feeling of connectedness to a larger universe" with an acquaintance many years ago. He said that he needed drugs to help him attain those feelings. In fact, he took drugs because he sought those very feelings. He was not at all religious either. Goinging by that article, he must not have had a natural abundance of monoamines.

I have also wondered whether some people are predisposed to being religious - for example, consider middle eastern people. They have religion so deeply steeped in their history (ie, Ancient Egyptians) and they tend to be deeply religious to this day.

I also have friends who were raised as aetheists, but as adults turn to a belief in a higher power and nurture a sense of spirituality.