DoomVoyager

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Posts by DoomVoyager

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  9

  Miracle Wheat

  by DoomVoyager in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  where can i get some?

  i'd like to brew some "miracle beer" with it.

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  DoomVoyager

  I'm envisioning a whole new organizational structure, based on "spirit-filled liquid" instead of "spiritual food".
  
  Door to door canvassers could offer householders a Brooklyn Brew Lite, at a small fee (to cover the cost of printing... the label.) Nothing too heavy or deep you know, just something to get them interested.
  
  On a return visit, a "free home Brew Tasting" course could be offered. The canvasser would supply the householder with a bottle of some type of flavoured liquer (New System Nectar?) and arrange to stop by once a week to help the householder drink it.
  
  If the householder progresses well "in the Brewth", he can answer a sequence of 175 questions in order to become elegible for baptism. Baptism will occur in an inflatable pool full of Living Waters Whiskey. After all candidates have been baptized, the convention speakers will proceed to drain the pool. With their mouths.
  
  Meetings will revolve around discussing the merits of the various concoctions that the Gibbering Buddy produces from Miracle Wheat. If you think that would get boring after a few months, just think of how many years the current borg has been polishing up the same 3 or 4 dog turds and wheeling them out every year at the district convention. Also, the monotony would occasionally be relieved by a talk about the wonders of Paradise, where spiced rum will bubble up out of cracks in the ground.
  
  Over time, the society would decide that their formulas needed adjustment. This "Brew Lite" would be a mandatory replacement of "Old Lite". And of course, some would become disillusioned by the new brew, and would become APOSTATES and begin to distill their own Miracle Spirits. The society would rapidly deal with them by the simple expedient of poisoning the water supply leading to their still. =)
  
  Of course, in such a system, the heaviest drinkers would rapidly rise to the top of the ranks and would be promoted to POs, COs, DOs, etc. ...well, maybe it isn't so different from the current system after all.
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  43

  Dinosaurs

  by billie jean in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  being brought up a j.w no one ever gave an accurate description of why the dinosaurs where actually put on the earth by jehovah.

  if i ask this question to my parents now they still dont have an answer that makes any sense.

  so far ive had .

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  DoomVoyager

  Well, I don't know about you folks, but I have dinosaurs in my gas tank. Velociraptors, to be precise. Fortunately, they poop gasoline. I just have to throw some ground beef in every once in a while.
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  19

  The WT Says: Young women should be like like cows (sex advice)

  by inkling in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  sorry if this has allready been talked about, but does anyone remember running across this gem from a 1961 wt?.

  --- how can girls guard against temptation in this sex-crazy world?.

  when a girl reaches the age of puberty or physical maturity, her body has developed in the matter of sex more than in the mind.

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  DoomVoyager

  What kind of creepy old pervert wrote that? "...the ovum is at large and causing ... disturbances".
  
  
  Read that out loud and try not to laugh.
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  43

  Dinosaurs

  by billie jean in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  being brought up a j.w no one ever gave an accurate description of why the dinosaurs where actually put on the earth by jehovah.

  if i ask this question to my parents now they still dont have an answer that makes any sense.

  so far ive had .

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  DoomVoyager

  Inkling: but I have a certain elder in mind, who is of an unsually (for an elder) scientific mindset. I doubt he'd ever be able to spout bullshit like that and keep a straight face.
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  9

  Miracle Wheat

  by DoomVoyager in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  where can i get some?

  i'd like to brew some "miracle beer" with it.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  DoomVoyager

  Where can I get some? I'd like to brew some "miracle beer" with it.
• 
  18

  Ooooooook!

  by mrsjones5 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  labor day, i'm at the supermarket picking up some ribs and stuff cuz hubby wants to fire up the grill and i see some english peas which reminds me of the screamin peas my mother makes (so good you'll want to slap your mama a few times).

  i call my mother to get her recipe for the peas and my father picks up the phone.

  we exchange pleasantries during which my father asks how the kids are doing.

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  DoomVoyager

  If they don't celebrate labour day, then does that mean they all go to work on that day? Even if their office is closed, I guess they could stand outside the front door and mop up every time someone walks by. Have to make a stand for Jehober!
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  15

  Cool computer tool

  by free2beme in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i work in the internet business and often hear people tell me that they have this great internet speed and then complain how their computer seems to go slow on the internet.

  while it can be viruses and spy ware, often it is you not getting the speed you were promised or pay for from your cable, dsl or wireless provider.

  test it from time to time and call your provider if you are not getting what you were promised.

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  DoomVoyager

  819 kb/s down 80 kb/s up Wait until the end to get your actual transfer rates. Actual transfer rates are in kilobytes/second (KB/s), not kilobits per second (kbps).
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  43

  Dinosaurs

  by billie jean in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  being brought up a j.w no one ever gave an accurate description of why the dinosaurs where actually put on the earth by jehovah.

  if i ask this question to my parents now they still dont have an answer that makes any sense.

  so far ive had .

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  DoomVoyager

  One time, at a home of an elder, I made mention of the big teeth of a T-Rex to the young friend of my daughter. Her mother, the wife of the elder, jumped in quickly and said, "But of course the dinosaurs did not eat meat." (Lived before the flood)
  
  
  
  
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  31

  Where did it all go wrong?

  by THE GLADIATOR in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  being a jehovahs witness is getting easier with each worldly year that passes.

  time is not getting shorter but meetings are, along with assemblies.

  in my day the closing prayer lasted longer than the whole modern assembly.

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  DoomVoyager

  You can witness via e-mail now instead of going door to door? Where the hell do you get your info?
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  21

  i was a full time preacher who else did ?

  by mattbetrayed in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i did the full time min from school even though i could have gone to drama school.what a wast of my time and life!!!!!!!!!!!!

  !iam happy to say that i came to my senses and went back to school and became a nurse,very happy i did my wife is still a jw but she stopped the pioing and she to became a nurse.. i will make sure my kids dont get temped to be encouraged to do that wast of time.as the wife still goes,and my mom and dad and sisters still go.. anyway would love to know what others who were pioneers felt of it and what doing now,please tell..

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  DoomVoyager

  No but I auxilaried 4 times (I think). Pure hell, I hated it more each time.