No. In fact, I later realized that it wasn't the WTBS version of Yahweh that I loved at all. It was my mother. My mother was deeply into the Organization and it was her I wanted to please. If I felt like my mother was proud of me because I was a ministerial servant or taking care of my own book study then that was all I needed. I later married a pioneer. Ironically, neither of my parents really attend meetings anymore. They were not DF'd or disassociated. Every now and then you might see them at a Sunday meeting, but not very often.
And yet I am grinding it out every week because if my wife were to discover my true feelings, there would be problems like you would not believe.