Posts by clsurfer

33

Freedom to Remarry Question...

by clsurfer in

my story, need advice:.

me: active jw.

divorced unscripturally from jw husband 5 years ago.

clsurfer

This is cl. Just wanted to give everyone an update on my JC meeting.

I am happy to report everything went very well. I got privately reproved. My restrictions are no pioneering or demos for the school. I am still able to comment, which I am very happy about. That will make it less noticeable that I have even been reproved. I actively participate in commenting during the meeting and not commenting would have been a dead giveaway that I was in "trouble", not to mention humilliating for me. The elders were very, very caring which surprised me.....I was prepared for the worst after reading some JC stories on this site. No inapropriate questions were asked. Didn't ask about my undies, praise the lord. lol They only wanted the facts. One thing they did ask about was my divorce situation. Questions like how long I had been divorced, was my ex active, did I have contact with him, would I ever consider reconciling with him, did I still talk to him. I was honest and said I would NEVER EVER go back to him and would prefer to live a life of loneliness. Told them I hadn't spoken with him in 3 years either and that we were not friends. They looked a bit shocked when I said that, but I think they got the point. Also wanted to know if I wanted to remarry ever. I said I would love to remarry someday, but both my ex and I knew the decision of no remarriage when we got divorced. They kept on saying "well, you are a very attractive sister and must have brothers approach you all the time wanting to get to know you." I said, "Yes, brothers approach me all the time, but I make it clear I am not free to marry. I never mislead anyone." I know they asked those questions in order to see if my "moment of weakness" had been planned for freedom to remarry. They did tell me I had to inform my ex he was free to remarry. I told them I would. I asked if I had to ask him for forgiveness or put something in writing. They said no, just tell him he is free. That's it. They made no mention if I was free to remarry...and I didn't ask! I thought not asking about my freedom would be best because then it would start to look suspicious. They told me to report back to them when I told the ex about his freedom. Maybe then they'll mention something about my marriage status. Until then, I will be on my BEST behavior!!!! :)

All in all, the elders were encouraging and kind. Never made me feel like I was a horrible person. They made it clear they were not there to judge me or give me my forgiveness. Said Jehovah had already forgiven me and everything else was between me and Jehovah.

So that's the story. Thanks to all for the advice regarding my posting.

Have a wonderful day....
cl

33

Freedom to Remarry Question...

by clsurfer in

my story, need advice:.

me: active jw.

divorced unscripturally from jw husband 5 years ago.

clsurfer

Thanks jgnat,

I know I must seem like a masochist (lol), but there's nothing like having a clean conscience. I'd be lying if I hadn't thought about committing adultery (even when married) just to be free of the jerk of an ex. But that was not my intention nor did I plan what I've done. Plus, having to tell my family what has happened makes me sick to my stomach. HE was the one who was supposed to come out being the bad guy, not me. After what I've done, I'm sure he'll come out looking and playing the part of the innocent one. Oh well. My pain is only temporary. Before I know it, this will all be a distant memory of something that happened....this too shall pass....

On The Way Out,

I'll let you know how it all turns out...

cl

33

Freedom to Remarry Question...

by clsurfer in

my story, need advice:.

me: active jw.

divorced unscripturally from jw husband 5 years ago.

clsurfer

On The Way Out,

Don't worry. I would have never followed your advice to mislead them. :) I'm already in enough hot water as it is!!!! lol

I respect your opinions on wanting to be "out" instead of "in"....that's the beauty of having free will.....

Have a great day!

cl

33

Freedom to Remarry Question...

by clsurfer in

my story, need advice:.

me: active jw.

divorced unscripturally from jw husband 5 years ago.

clsurfer

Thanks Caliber and Doubting Bro.

Just found this link to a WT letter about being scripturally free to remarry. http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/12/123657/1.ashx

Looks like I will more than likely have to contact ex unless current JC doesn't care. Either way, I'd just rather get this whole "free to remarry" thing concluded. I don't want to have to deal with it later when I meet someone in JWs I would want to have a future with....

cl

33

Freedom to Remarry Question...

by clsurfer in

my story, need advice:.

me: active jw.

divorced unscripturally from jw husband 5 years ago.

clsurfer

Thanks to all for the advice.

I want to handle this situation as well as can be within WT standards and do not plan on leaving JWs.

I'm nervous about meeting with the JCs, but I know I will be fine once all is said and done. I will tell them only what ask, nothing more. I have been told about the weird questioning they ask, such as the popular "panty or thong" question. Can't believe they ask that, but if they want all the details, I'll give it to them. I hope they're prepared to blush.... :) At this point I really have nothing to hide. I don't want to be DFd and hope for a private reproval. No one else knows about this, only the two elders I confessed to. Like I said, I'm waiting for my JC meeting next week. I got a gleaming letter of recommendation from my previous hall, so hope that makes a difference in JC decision.

cl

33

Freedom to Remarry Question...

by clsurfer in

my story, need advice:.

me: active jw.

divorced unscripturally from jw husband 5 years ago.

clsurfer

jgnet,

I do not have my eye on someone. No excuse for what I did other than I had a small indiscretion that should have never happened. But it did, so now I feel guilty and am willing to suffer consequences. I was only wondering what JC would expect me to do in my current "not free to remarry" situation. I know there are people on this board who would advise me otherwise, but I would not consider leaving JW. We all have the right to choose and I choose to stay in. I

33

Freedom to Remarry Question...

by clsurfer in

my story, need advice:.

me: active jw.

divorced unscripturally from jw husband 5 years ago.

clsurfer

Divorced because I had many clues to his cheating: hotel receipts, coming home at 4 or 5 a.m. two or three times a week, not being where he said he was going to be. He never wanted to have sex with me, etc... Things just didn't add up. He would blatanly tell me he didn't love me, but he wouldn't leave me. So I filed for divorce because I wasn't about to go through more emotional abuse like that. I'm still in contact with a few of his wordly friends, if only to keep tabs on him for any type of "proof". They tell me he has girlfriends spend the night, etc. The day I filed for divorce, he told me he would never give me my scriptural freedom. He's kept his end of the bargain. Elders have questioned him, but boldfaced lies to them.....

33

Freedom to Remarry Question...

by clsurfer in

my story, need advice:.

me: active jw.

divorced unscripturally from jw husband 5 years ago.

clsurfer

My story, Need advice:

Me: Active JW. Divorced unscripturally from jw husband 5 years ago. Not spoken to him since. Heard he was inactive, shows up at meeting occasionally. I had a little "moment of weakness" with worldly man and have confessed to elders, but have not had JC meeting yet. I've just started at a new congregation and don't know if they know about my divorce. Will they ask me if I had been married before? Will JC require me to ask my ex for forgiveness since I was the one who filed the divorce? The ex and his PO father/elder, regular pioneer mother tell everyone I am dead to them. I know he has been with other women, but have never been able to get the "proof" I need to satisfy elders inquiries. Am I free to remarry???

Thanks for the help.....

cl