Blackwolf, My heart aches for what you must be going through. It sounds like you want to "Play along to get along" which is a wonderful trait, unless of course it infringes on your rights. Please remember this ..... Whatever you do for these people, IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH! After baptism you will have another hurdle to jump through and it most likely will be to become an aux pioneer and then a regular pioneer. You will then need to marry the first eligible spiritual man available regardless of what his other traits are, and then Blackwolf, this is where the fun really begins. If you marry a truly "spiritual" man then you are in for a lifetime of misery. You will keep your head down, your mouth shut, have dinner waiting and look real pretty for every meeting. Door knocking, guilt, low self confidence, meetings, meetings, meetings and crappy one minute missionary sex are some of the things you can look forward to. You will never please JW's because it never is enough..... It all starts with baptism.