Lots of great comments all. Thanks. I've definately been reading and posting, and I find this board to be refreshing. It's amazing to see how many people have gone through the same things I have. Maybe we all ended up in different places as I see by some of your comments, but that's good.
To the few atheists that posted, that's cool, I understand how you got there. My oldest brother is now an atheist after some amazingly harsh treatment by the WTBTS. he had it really bad compared to me.
I was on the verge of being an atheist, because nothing anyone said was convincing, nothing I read in any religouos material was convincing. Until one day I started to study physics, and well the laws of physics convinced me to believe in God. How many people could do a math equation and find God in it? Probably not many haha.