Posts by Texman55

36

Loneliness

by B_Deserter in

jw
friends

i wasn't sure i was ready for it, but i did it anyway...i put out a personal ad.

i've gotten a few responses, but nothing seems promising yet.

i get the feeling that internet dating is more about quantity than quality, but i think that's what i need right now.

Texman55

LOL you go, sweetstuff! give them ol' boys what for......

24

howdy all, i just happened to be in your neighborhood and thought i'd ring your doorbell to tell you the good news about jehovah's kingdom, and if you don't believe every damn word of it you're going to die a horrible death real soon m*th*rf*ck*r thought i'd say howdy.. like it says on my profile, i wasted my vulnerable teen years in the watchtower bible and crap society, and it nearly killed me.

funny thing is, i wasnt coerced into it by my family, they were all worldly (well except for a very eccentric old great uncle that nobody liked or visited) and thought i was out of my fucking mind to join up with that jw shit.. which i was.

understandably, because my parents drank too much, there were truly horrible fights every night at home, a very bitter divorce when i was 10, and only child me was trapped in the middle of all that with no one to turn to.

Texman55

Um, haven't figured out the individual quote & reply mechanism on this board yet, so let me just say a group thanks! to everybody for their welcomes and comments. Feels like old home week, for sure...... :oD hugs y'all.....

All I can do is share my story.....and maybe mine is a little different from the majority....but the great multiform variety of life makes for lots of "different" flowers and trees and people.....oh yeah remember like all the pretty pictures in the old paradise regained book, lol......and like yknot said, I hope some lurker like me who didn't fit in is deeply relating.....

cruzanheart and ohiocowboy....you got mail.

jk666....yeah spending your teens thinking God was gonna zap you into eternal oblivion just anyday now was a great start on life....not.....as you know lol

ataloa and legalchickie....youre right the pain and the isolation are things only other exjws really understand.....unless its exmormons maybe lol.....but never met any of them, only ever met 1 exjw before, years ago.....poor guy, he was gay and from somewhere deep in the hills of Kentucky....he left the borg and all his family behind but he believed he was now "serving Satan" as he put it.....no education, couldnt see how he'd been totally brainwashed.....I hope he got some more smarts down the road. Ugh, its just so f*cking NASTY what they did to us, ya know?? straight or gay.....

and legalchickie....you came into the borg just as I was leaving it.....your profile talks about the guilt you feel....I totally understand....but you really believed with all your heart you were serving the ultimate good in the universe, like me didn't you? So don't beat yourself up.....we all did what we thought was the right thing.....for a very good motive.....we jus didnt realize we were tricked and trapped and lied to by an evil system of thinking started and perpetuated by a gang of expert con artists. Hope you and everyone has read Ray Franz' Crisis of Conscience.....OMG were my eyes opened when I found that about 10 years ago.....course I had long since known it was not "the Truth".....but wow.....to finally see the extent of the lies and manipulation.....made me boiling mad.....still am.

wednesday.....yeah I was so lonely at 14.....yeah the JWs became the big loving family I'd never had.....so I thought.....and yeah cults love to snag kids like that, you know it too.

babygirl75....thanks for the post....luv the graphic!!! :oD boots and jeans and cowboy hat guy here.....

galileo....oh man you are so right.....it coulda been so friggin worse.....married to the fat girl....who is probably a very sweet person, but still.....not the partner he really wants.....Brokeback Mountain....and all those crying babies to feed on a minimum wage job....and eaten up with self-loathing on the inside.....my heart goes out to your friend, poor bastard.

jamie....appreciate the thoughtful question....long story short, my dad died suddenly a few months after I joined the JWs....so telling him was never an issue.....I think now that he must have known or sensed I was gay from a couple of odd comments he made....kids are a lot more transparent than they think to their parents.....so that just left my mom.....I didnt tell her till I came out at age 24....it was scary taking that step.....all gay kids are so afraid they will lose their parents love if they come out to them.....or they were in my day and time....30 years ago, it was a different world you know, there werent gay people all over tv and movies and magazines like now, all you ever heard was filthy, sick, perverts etc......

But I was so blessed, really and truly blessed.....course it took mom by surprise.....but she didnt miss a beat, what she said was, "I love you, you're my son, part of me, I brought you into this world and I will always love you no matter what." ....you have to understand, so very many gay people are shunned by their parents, totally cast off just like JWs do with Df'ers.....but my Mama's love was the rock of Gibraltar, nothing could shake that, ever. She died in '94 and I miss her every day still....but her love is always right here with me in my heart, lifting me up, giving me wings. Thanks so much mom, I love you with all my heart....always.

36

Loneliness

by B_Deserter in

jw
friends

i wasn't sure i was ready for it, but i did it anyway...i put out a personal ad.

i've gotten a few responses, but nothing seems promising yet.

i get the feeling that internet dating is more about quantity than quality, but i think that's what i need right now.

Texman55

Youre so right BD, personality in a letter, an email, a chat room, whatever is NO guide whatsoever to what a person is really like. Theres just no substitute for 1 to 1 contact, so its good that you are taking the chance and meeting in person.

Sweetstuff made a really good suggestion too, about showing simple interest in someone but not going overboard; in fact sometimes its good to raise someone's interest then unfortunately have to go take care of a prior business......if you think you'll likely run into her again. Its more attractive if people think you already have a full life, and arent waiting for someone else to fill it up.

We're well trained in the Borg to come on like gangbusters....I just KNOW you want these mags, and you WILL enjoy reading them (you BETTER) .....but dump that idea......in the real world its often true that less is more.

Myself, I came away with a real perfectionistic attitude about everybody else......nobody could meet my high standards......gee wonder where I got that friggin idea, lol. Dump that too, everybody's got warts and problems, including you and me. There is no perfect woman out there for you.......only the women the universe already contains.

Whups, the TMS overseer says my time is up, I'm running into the next talk......lol......so I'll shut up now and wish ya all the best, man. You'll figure it all out on your own, take the rough patches like a man and keep smiling bro, its real life but its all good, even when you think it sucks.

36

Loneliness

by B_Deserter in

jw
friends

i wasn't sure i was ready for it, but i did it anyway...i put out a personal ad.

i've gotten a few responses, but nothing seems promising yet.

i get the feeling that internet dating is more about quantity than quality, but i think that's what i need right now.

Texman55

My time in the Borg left me socially retarded.....hell maybe I still am lol.....so I'll share what I learned about the search with ya, even though I'm gay and your probably not.

You can indeed meet somebody wonderful online, I did. But it takes lots and lots of looking and waiting and trying. Dont be fooled by the "oh gee this is so totally great we can talk about anything all night long" syndrome......that happens quite often online.......but take it slow, meet in public several times and realize that reality and online are often different. Sometimes a helluva lot different.

You can also meet somebody wonderful in a nightclub, but if you aren't the party-guy, extrovert type, and why else would you be asking the question, then it takes many, many nights of looking and standing around sipping expensive drinks and going home feeling like shit because you didn't meet anybody that night. I was never any good at that.

At least with the internet, you can wear your old sweaty gym shorts and sip cheap beer in comfort at home, lol.

The best way is to meet somebody thru a mutual friend or a group you both belong to. There's no substitute for 1 on 1 face to face contact. It would be good if you found a group where the activity is NOT focused on dating/romance/sex, because then you can stay in your comfort zone.....until you feel the magnetism with someone.

Maybe a bowling league or a sports club would work for ya. Or a volunteer outfit. I met my first bigtime lover when we both were volunteers in training for a suicide hotline.

The most important thing is, don't be desperate. People can see it and smell it on you, and they will run like heck to get away. I know it's hard to do when you really are desperate.....lol.....but strain every nerve to ACT like you really could care less, "hey I'm just here for the ride"......laugh, relax, enjoy yourself. put on that "gee I'm just so damn glad to be ringing frigging doorbells at 9:30 on a Saturday morning " smile and fake it till you make it, bro.

Not a guaranteed thing....might still take a long time.....and even after you find somebody special and sign the mortgage together, it can still all go down the tubes later on.......life is what it is......you pays your money and you takes your chances........but hope some of this is helpful buddy. Good luck to ya.

33

Can You Imagine the Outcry

by XJW4EVR in

if the republicans had done this.

sadly, nary a peep from the liberal controlled msm.. dems throttle debate.

house dems turn out the lights but gop keeps talking.

Texman55

It's just a big publicity stunt the GOP is pulling.....to whip up the masses......they controlled Congress both houses, I believe, from 1994 to just last year......so howcum suddenly theyre just NOW oh so concerned about protecting consumers and meeting the energy needs of this great country, hmmm?

Play by the rules boys, the House adjourned, you can try again tomorrow......a whimper in the dark from the fading fascist party.....sore losers......imho

24

Another new guy from TX

by Texman55 in

jw
friends

howdy all, i just happened to be in your neighborhood and thought i'd ring your doorbell to tell you the good news about jehovah's kingdom, and if you don't believe every damn word of it you're going to die a horrible death real soon m*th*rf*ck*r thought i'd say howdy.. like it says on my profile, i wasted my vulnerable teen years in the watchtower bible and crap society, and it nearly killed me.

funny thing is, i wasnt coerced into it by my family, they were all worldly (well except for a very eccentric old great uncle that nobody liked or visited) and thought i was out of my fucking mind to join up with that jw shit.. which i was.

understandably, because my parents drank too much, there were truly horrible fights every night at home, a very bitter divorce when i was 10, and only child me was trapped in the middle of all that with no one to turn to.

Texman55

Howdy all, I just happened to be in your neighborhood and thought I'd ring your doorbell to tell you the good news about Jehovah's kingdom, and if you don't believe every damn word of it you're going to die a horrible death real soon m*th*rf*ck*r thought I'd say howdy.

Like it says on my profile, I wasted my vulnerable teen years in the watchtower Bible and Crap society, and it nearly killed me. Funny thing is, I wasnt coerced into it by my family, they were all worldly (well except for a very eccentric old great uncle that nobody liked or visited) and thought I was out of my fucking mind to join up with that JW shit.

Which I was. Understandably, because my parents drank too much, there were truly horrible fights every night at home, a very bitter divorce when I was 10, and only child me was trapped in the middle of all that with no one to turn to. Plus I was smarter than average (which the other kids hated) and being gay, a bit of a sissy too (which got me beaten, cursed and very badly humiliated quite often). So when a friend gave me some watchtowers to read at age 14, who wouldn't want to join a group where everybody would love you and you'd eventually get to live a happy, wonderful life in a perfect body forever?

Of course both those ideas were complete and utter bullshit. But we all fell for it, 14 or 40, didn't we?

It didn't take long to realize that I was a horrible fuckup as a JW too, and God absolutely hated me, and there was no possibility of my surviving Armageddon into that wonderful new world. I made all the meetings like clockwork....without being forced to go by my parents, mind you.....and field service too (okay, okay, so maybe I slept in sometimes, that was the good part about NOT having JW parents, lol), but all to no use. Tried and failed, tried and failed and failed and failed and failed to live up to "Jehovah's righteous standards."

If you're thinking it was the gay thing and even worse, oh so much worse, the masturbation thing that kept tripping me up.....you're right, but I'll spare you the gory details. Except to say I was still a virgin at 24, long after I left the JW's behind.

Oh how I prayed and prayed and prayed. And failed and failed and failed. My short hair and ultra-conservative dork clothes got me all kinds of praise and good vibes in the congo....but inside I cringed at the compliments knowing I was so thoroughly rotten. God was so disgusted with me, he obviously wasnt even listening to my prayers anymore. I never actually tried to kill myself but I thought about it continually for most of those years, when other kids (at least in the "world") were growing into the fullness of adult life.

I even sought counsel from elders and circuit servants.....and get this.....wrote the society for help.....how fucking stupid. Never once suspecting that my personal pain and struggle would be circulated and gossipped about, or that Big Brother in Brooklyn would write to my PO and copy all the juicy details. So kind, so loving. So full of shit.

Naturally the one thing I prayed for incessantly was a nice, faithful, theocratic sister to marry....then of course all my problems would be solved, right. Thank God that never happened! What a complete and utter tragedy that would have been for all concerned. Like the Garth Brooks song, "sometimes God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers".....

Long story short, by the time I was 21 I'd done everything I could and i was still so fucking miserable every damn day of my life that there was no point trying anymore. I wasnt ever going to get into the new system anyway, so why try?

I just quit going. Maybe it took a few months to fade (we didnt have that term then), I dont remember precisely now but basically I just stopped going one day. Funny how all my dear, dear friends never bothered to call or stop by and ask what's wrong? Course maybe too it was the beard I'd decided to grow.....cigarettes and Bad Company albums I bought (oh the irony)......plus the fact I'd confided my gayness in a female friend.....who no doubt ran straight to the KH and blabbed to all the elders, I realized much later. But strange to say, the JC never came after me.....it was like I had never existed......so much for brotherly love.

The funny thing was, as soon as I decided, okay that's it, I'm not gonna try anymore......I felt like this enormous boulder had been lifted off me, that huge, crushing weight was gone. I was really surprised how damn good it felt to get out from under all that....took me years to really understand why.

Okay enough of memory lane here, it's just nice to tell this stuff to people who really understand. "Worldly" people just don't get it, you know what I mean, lol.

I hope something I post helps somebody else sometime. Wish to hell the internet had been around when I was trapped in the Borg and so very isolated. Any questions, just ask. Later y'all.

52

My lesbian neighbors are driving me nuts!

by dawg in

ok my gay friends, i'm going to pick on you a minute, but you know i love you all... .

me... liberal male, could care less what you do with your sex organs, i only care about what i do with mine...that said, i've several gay friends... none of which are monogamous.

so, my next door neighbors are lesbians, neither are the hate all males types like some i have known in the past... matter of fact, one loves sports and hangs out here watching football and other sports with me at least once a week.

Texman55

You've already heard this from previous posters, but I'll add my 2c for what its worth, bud.

Suppose it was a straight couple cheating and beating on one another. What would you do? Would that make it any easier to decide?

The fact they're lesbians makes no difference. Just like any straight couple, they need to be good neighbors and good friends....or suffer the consequences.

If it was me, I'd sit them down and say look I'm your friend not your volleyball. You got problems between ya, deal with it, I'm not getting in the middle of your shit.

You hear 'em beating up each other, call the fucking cops like you would with any other disturbance in the 'hood. They don't have to know who called, and if they ask you, LIE and say what cops, oh no I was sound asleep, musta been the other neighbor. One visit, at the most two visits from the cops, and that situation will resolve itself real fast I think.

I know its hard to go through all this with people you obviously like or care about; but don't be the doormat or the punching bag, man. That wont help you or them in the long run.

BTW, I'm gay and been out for nearly 30 years now, had 3 long term relationships (one left, one died) and never once cheated on any of them. Yeah when I was single I been to the rodeo a few more times than that, but when you mention your "lovers" sounds like you have too, buddy!

But this is not a lesbian thing, it's a people thing. Take care of yourself, it's okay, you don't have to "save" your neighbors anymore, isn't that great!?

29

Are Jehovah's Witnesses a Cult?

by digderidoo in

i have found these 14 characteristics of a typical cult and below are some questions regarding the behaviour of a cult.

my personal opinion is that the watchtower society fits into most of these characteristics, with the exception of 1& 14. possibly part of number 10 fits, but not all.

i feel that all of the questions posed should be asked of jw's and all of the further symptoms apply too.

Texman55

I've pondered this question a few times in the 30 years I've been free of WT slavery. Of course I remember how offended I felt when I was in it, and other people would call it a cult. But if it wasn't a cult, why did I feel so damn good inside when I left?

The problem is that "cult" is a very slippery word, once you sit down and try to define it. Go to dictionary.com and look at the various definitions. I think when we talk about religious groups today, we mostly use "cult" to mean excessive and bizarre beliefs/practices, with blind, unquestioning allegiance to the leader/s thereof, who are to some degree dishonest and manipulative.

But what's excessive, what's bizarre? On the other side of the coin, what's "normal," how would you define that? A little reflection will reveal that all our ideas of what's normal and what's bizarre really come down to majority vote at any place and point in history.

In America in 2008, we think face veils or burkahs for women are bizarre; but lots of folks, men and women, in some countries think they are not only just dandy but a Good Thing. Sikh men never cut their hair, which seems pretty bizarre to us but not to them. So where exactly do you draw the line and say okay this is too fucking weird but this is just okay. This is a religion, and this is a cult. Not so easy once you really think about it.

With the internet, it's relatively easy to look up and read what the pagan Romans thought about the early Christians - I dont know the Latin for "cult" but I think they all agreed, yep these folks are crazy as shit! But eventually Constantine, who's mom was a ~~theocratic JW~~ faithful Christian lady, got to be Emperor - and then guess what, the ~~Organization~~ Christian hierarchy that had been saying how evil ~~This Old System~~ the Roman Empire was, got handed political power and just ate it up. In less than a hundred years, not only was all pagan worship forbidden on pain of death, but so were all ~~JW apostates~~ "heretical" sects that disagreed with the ~~Governing Body~~ Bishop of Rome, who after all was God's personal direct representative on earth. The rest is history, natch.

Back to the original question, are JW's a cult? It helps me to think of it not as a Yes/No question, but to see it as a sliding scale, say 1 to 10 with 1 being minimal/agnostic belief in God/s (atheist being 0). On my scale then, "mainstream" churches would be somewhere around 5. Jim Jones, David Koresh, the Heaven's Gate crew (sure, take my testicles, wasnt using them anyway) would all be 10's.

JW's? I'd rate them 8.8 or 9.0. Not quite at the drink-the-koolaid point. But real damn close.

Because really, was there anything you wouldn't have done, if the WT Borg said you had to?

At the height of the insanity, I'm afraid I just might have drunk the koolaid. Wearing a 3-piece polyester suit and a conservative tie with my shiny wingtip shoes, clutching a NWT to my chest (deluxe edition, brown leather cover). God knows we wouldnt have wanted to stumble anyone who found the bodies!

Much less bring reproach on Jehovah's organization. Right.

Is it a fucking cult? Hell yeah it is. Not the worst possible. But definitely excessive and definitely dishonest and most definitely dangerous, whatever you call it. The word you call it doesn't really matter, it's the nasty beliefs and operation that counts.

Here's a quote I found on another exjw site that sums it up real well:

Some religions are merely corporations started by alpha males who desire power. Such males are charismatic and have learned the art of using fear, coercion and guilt to get you to do their bidding. Herding people with such high-level weapons is obscene.

(http://dogpatchmb.blogspot.com/)

Russel and Rutherford were the charismatic alpha males who started this whole slimy snake-oil shebang; their successors may not encourage the personality worship they did, but they have kept it all firmly in the same groove. And it's definitely a corporation, a business, NOT a religion.

A religion is something you can question or doubt or even leave without being shunned out of existence or guilt-tripped into suicidal despair, is how i'd put it. Religion makes you feel that God loves you.

Which is exactly what Watchtowerism doesn't do.

Also, check out the National Geographic documentary on cults: They are masters of manipulating the broken, the weak, gullible, psychologically damaged and feeble-minded around them in their zeal for what they purport as their rightful leadership as the anointed God-human deity in the presence of their flocks. (http://www.monstersandcritics.com/smallscreen/reviews/article_1403383.php)

Nuff said.

5

Abraham to soon speak to world via radio: 1926 Golden Age

by cabasilas in

just came across this interesting gem on this site:.

http://www.seanet.com/~raines/intro.html.

50. the golden age, oct. 6, 1926 said that abraham would soon speak to the world via radio.. anyone have this issue?

Texman55

I used to have a great-uncle who was a JW from way back, the only one in my family till me. I found some old copies of the GA stuck back in an old bookcase in my grandparents' house, I'm sure he was the source of them and some of the old WTBS books from that era too.

Don't have them anymore, they all got lost in one my moves, but it's freaky shit. Rutherford's boozy, megalomaniac fantasies and rants are scary reading now, but I thought it was cool when I was a kid....guess that kinda prepared me in a way for falling down the JW trapdoor a few years later.

"RELIGION IS A SNARE AND A RACKET" was one of his big mottoes.....too bad so many people fell for the line and didn't realize his "religion" was about the biggest snare & racket going!

And still is, I see by some of the posts on this board. Amazing.....and sad.

62

RECENT REVISIONS TO THE KH DRESS CODE?

by navytownroger in

i was told by my former book-study conductor recently that a new 'dress code' had been handed down by the wts, because people had been 'getting too casual' with their styles of clothing.

one item he mentioed was a new rule for women prohibiting denim skirts.

and, when a woman wore a denim jacket, she was also told this was not appropriate for the kh.

Texman55

OMFG!! Denim is still demonized, and this is 2008???

Jeezus, nothing's changed in the 30 years I've been away. That's just freaking sick.

But we knew that already, right? So sad that people are still doing the mindless routine.

I'm not hip on all the latest styles myself, but even out here on the prairie we know the Fifties are way over.

These people need 'Queer Eye for the JW,' bad.