ya know what....it was truly more of a 'i gotta make myself smile cuz everyone's actin' like a shithead' moment. And I made myself smile. that's what matters most
Kurt, I just needed a lill lovin, that's all. i'm used to not gettin it. Part of the former jw's life. Sa'll good. It's a fight to have the self respect needed to feel good.....
My self esteem should be VERY low , considering what my loved ones give.and sometimes, it is. it sucks.
I fight my low self esteem. DeSPITE the fact that I'm ef'fing Beautiful. and i'm ef'fing SMART. and I friggen play along like a dummy so people don't think i'm a dumbass idiot. I'm about at that point. I'M OVER IT. i'M ABOUT TO EF'FING DA MYSELF. I'm about over people telling me who i should ef'fing be.. I'm over it. I'm better than that. And don't think just because someb0dy doesn't state where I stand, it doesn't mean I don't have guts. i care more than anything and anyone about my family. I'm done wth people taking advantage of me. Not you. but people in my real life. I'm over it. I don't need you to tell me that I'm a f*cking loser....You're not the first one. I'm used to it. I'm used to my jw elders telling me that i am rebellious. that i've never read the bible. that I dont' know what the TRUTH is. I'm over it. I'm an f*ing awesome person.
.....
I just spent a night with people who know what unconditional love means. The hostess introduced me as : Homeschool. She is NOT a jehovah's witness. (she didn't mean for that to come out that way)...That was the funniest conversation-breaker.