Closure comes when your present life fulfills you to the point where the painful past is no longer hurtful or important to you. Sometimes that comes quickly, other times, much more slowly, and in a few cases, not at all.
Well said Heaven.
ra
RaraAvis
JoinedPosts by RaraAvis
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26
Breaking free and closure...
by RaraAvis ini have only been posting on this site for a short time, and haven't completely decided how i feel about it.
i have found it interesting to say the least, and have learned a lot from members such as andersonsinfo and others.
i have felt compassion for many who have posted here, have felt out of the loop by many others who have formed tight "friendships" with each other here, have been shocked by some users, have been inspired by others ... you get the idea... i have had a full spectrum of thoughts more or less.. however.... the one feeling i get the most is it reminds me of divorce, or when you split off from someone who mattered to you and you can't seem to let go.
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36
DF or DA what do you think the difference is?
by Rosey ini would like to know from everyone first of all what they think the difference is between a df'd person and a da'd person.. i would also like to know what everyone thinks that jw's think is the difference between a df'd and da'd person.. personally i am df'd.
i was df'd 10 years ago almost and did not argue it at all as i had no desire to continue as a jw anyway.
before being df'd i was always under the impression that if a person da'd themselves it almost always meant they were " apostate" and that there was no way a jw should have any contact with them.
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RaraAvis
After 6 or 7 years they hunted me down and df'd me. My family has never shunned me and my mother has always been a pioneer, very active witness.
I think how you are treated mostly depends on the family. Whether they will follow blindly or "do the kind thing."
ra
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26
Breaking free and closure...
by RaraAvis ini have only been posting on this site for a short time, and haven't completely decided how i feel about it.
i have found it interesting to say the least, and have learned a lot from members such as andersonsinfo and others.
i have felt compassion for many who have posted here, have felt out of the loop by many others who have formed tight "friendships" with each other here, have been shocked by some users, have been inspired by others ... you get the idea... i have had a full spectrum of thoughts more or less.. however.... the one feeling i get the most is it reminds me of divorce, or when you split off from someone who mattered to you and you can't seem to let go.
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RaraAvis
Sylvia - yes I can see that, some very kind and caring helpful people are here.
Quirky - So you really feel that this is an organization a person can never really completely break free from emotionally?
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26
Breaking free and closure...
by RaraAvis ini have only been posting on this site for a short time, and haven't completely decided how i feel about it.
i have found it interesting to say the least, and have learned a lot from members such as andersonsinfo and others.
i have felt compassion for many who have posted here, have felt out of the loop by many others who have formed tight "friendships" with each other here, have been shocked by some users, have been inspired by others ... you get the idea... i have had a full spectrum of thoughts more or less.. however.... the one feeling i get the most is it reminds me of divorce, or when you split off from someone who mattered to you and you can't seem to let go.
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RaraAvis
To Brocephus:
I was born in. Left in the early 90s, I was in my late 20s. And I have had counseling / deprogramming. I am good Bro. In fact it has only been recently that I have been visiting and commenting on this site. I have thought more about all of it in the last 2 months than the last 17+ years since I left. An old JW friend told me about this site. I have found it interesting, but got to thinking about how it doesn't seem like a person has really left the whole thing if they are still thinking about all of it all the time.
ra
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26
Breaking free and closure...
by RaraAvis ini have only been posting on this site for a short time, and haven't completely decided how i feel about it.
i have found it interesting to say the least, and have learned a lot from members such as andersonsinfo and others.
i have felt compassion for many who have posted here, have felt out of the loop by many others who have formed tight "friendships" with each other here, have been shocked by some users, have been inspired by others ... you get the idea... i have had a full spectrum of thoughts more or less.. however.... the one feeling i get the most is it reminds me of divorce, or when you split off from someone who mattered to you and you can't seem to let go.
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RaraAvis
Interesting
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26
Breaking free and closure...
by RaraAvis ini have only been posting on this site for a short time, and haven't completely decided how i feel about it.
i have found it interesting to say the least, and have learned a lot from members such as andersonsinfo and others.
i have felt compassion for many who have posted here, have felt out of the loop by many others who have formed tight "friendships" with each other here, have been shocked by some users, have been inspired by others ... you get the idea... i have had a full spectrum of thoughts more or less.. however.... the one feeling i get the most is it reminds me of divorce, or when you split off from someone who mattered to you and you can't seem to let go.
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RaraAvis
I have only been posting on this site for a short time, and haven't completely decided how I feel about it. I have found it interesting to say the least, and have learned a lot from members such as andersonsinfo and others. I have felt compassion for many who have posted here, have felt out of the loop by many others who have formed tight "friendships" with each other here, have been shocked by some users, have been inspired by others ... you get the idea... I have had a full spectrum of thoughts more or less.
However...
The one feeling I get the most is it reminds me of divorce, or when you split off from someone who mattered to you and you can't seem to let go. You know, get closure. It is like the ex-wife who still wants to know what the ex-husband is up to, who he is seeing, where he is working, so she is constantly checking up on him etc. or the ex-husband who is bitter about being lied to or cheated on and can't get over how he was wronged.
So my question is: When does leaving end if one is constantly thinking on that which was left? How does a person find closure if they are still very much involved or engaging the "ex" so-to-speak?
I truly am curious - so try not to flame me please. : )
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Emotional Blackmail and ex-JWs
by Lady Lee inbased on a discussion last night and a request to write something about it i went hunting through some old posts and found this one.
emotional blackmail and jws.
we were discussing whether it is emotional abuse when the elders visit us after we have left and wind up being nasty or try to pressure us to go back.. so i was thinking - what are some of their tactics and would they fit into this category?.
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RaraAvis
I went through counseling after I left in the early 90s. One thing my therapist helped me to see is that the organization as a whole, as well as the local congregations are like one big dysfunctional family. The dysfunction includes but is not limited to; physical abuse to children taking place at almost every meeting in the library or the bathrooms; abuse to women who are expected to do as they are told; not allowing anyone to have their own voice; the father (Jehovah) is intolerant of any wrongdoing i.e. expects perfection; the elders have no boundaries; sexuality is controlled and suppressed; all or nothing teachings; lives are not as important as obedience; the list goes on and on.
When you shrink the whole thing down, it is nothing more than one great big dysfunctional family. It also attracts the dysfunctional person, it fits, feels familiar. So when a person is healthy emotionally they can see clearly how far off base it is.
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ARE YOU BEING MONITORED BY BETHEL? (not really!!)
by AllTimeJeff inthis is for anyone who cares... just my thoughts and opinions, which have slightly changed since i have left the cult.
a poster named melita said some really inappropriate things on barbara andersons thread on jaracz's stroke, which got me to finally post this, just to put it out there...... when i first left, i was scared s*itless that i was being monitored and watched by bethel for reading and posting here.
and i bet i am.
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RaraAvis
I had purchased amazing seats for a LA Lakers / Pacers game way in advance. I gave them away because of the CO's (Gordan Merrill) visit! I was told to put spiritual matters first. Quite upsetting.
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Introduction
by milola inwell i have been watching and reading long enough.
i have posted a couple of times but never told anything about myself so here goes.. i have been df'd for at least 30 years.
always had doubts even of the existance of god let alone one that could and would be so vengefull towards.
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RaraAvis
Welcome : )
