RaraAvis

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Posts by RaraAvis

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  2

  What happened to these guys? Where are they? Does anybody know?

  by RaraAvis in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  jim and debbie cauthon.

  bob milovsky.

  tom and linda medcalf - not a c.o.

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  RaraAvis

  Jim and Debbie Cauthon

  Bob Milovsky

  Tom and Linda Medcalf - not a c.o. but need greaters from KC Area

  Penny Spencer -from Indy area

  Beth Eitlegeorge from Indiana
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  26

  Breaking free and closure...

  by RaraAvis in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i have only been posting on this site for a short time, and haven't completely decided how i feel about it.

  i have found it interesting to say the least, and have learned a lot from members such as andersonsinfo and others.

  i have felt compassion for many who have posted here, have felt out of the loop by many others who have formed tight "friendships" with each other here, have been shocked by some users, have been inspired by others ... you get the idea... i have had a full spectrum of thoughts more or less.. however.... the one feeling i get the most is it reminds me of divorce, or when you split off from someone who mattered to you and you can't seem to let go.

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  RaraAvis

  Wow jamiebowers - While I see lots of venting at this place, more than anything else, I see love. Too bad you don't see it too.

  I am not sure how you got the impression that I don't see love here.
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  48

  Forget all of the stages: Denial, Anger, Sadness - Don't you sometimes just feel STUPID for having believed in the Organization?

  by BonaFide in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i know i have been through all those stages, i denied it, then i got angry, definitely sad.

  months and months of this, and i still am in for my family and friends.. but sometimes i just feel stupid.

  why did i ignore basic common sense for so long?

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  RaraAvis

  Several years from now, the next thing you will be asking yourself (regretting) is, "Why did I stay in for so long after I finally figured it out?"

  Witnesses are taught you will get to LIVE FOREVER, so they think they have all the time in the world! Sadly they are all dying to live. What a tragic, pathetic, HUGE waste of time.
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  26

  Breaking free and closure...

  by RaraAvis in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i have only been posting on this site for a short time, and haven't completely decided how i feel about it.

  i have found it interesting to say the least, and have learned a lot from members such as andersonsinfo and others.

  i have felt compassion for many who have posted here, have felt out of the loop by many others who have formed tight "friendships" with each other here, have been shocked by some users, have been inspired by others ... you get the idea... i have had a full spectrum of thoughts more or less.. however.... the one feeling i get the most is it reminds me of divorce, or when you split off from someone who mattered to you and you can't seem to let go.

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  RaraAvis

  Closure comes when your present life fulfills you to the point where the painful past is no longer hurtful or important to you. Sometimes that comes quickly, other times, much more slowly, and in a few cases, not at all.

  Well said Heaven.

  ra
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  36

  DF or DA what do you think the difference is?

  by Rosey in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i would like to know from everyone first of all what they think the difference is between a df'd person and a da'd person.. i would also like to know what everyone thinks that jw's think is the difference between a df'd and da'd person.. personally i am df'd.

  i was df'd 10 years ago almost and did not argue it at all as i had no desire to continue as a jw anyway.

  before being df'd i was always under the impression that if a person da'd themselves it almost always meant they were " apostate" and that there was no way a jw should have any contact with them.

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  RaraAvis

  After 6 or 7 years they hunted me down and df'd me. My family has never shunned me and my mother has always been a pioneer, very active witness.

  I think how you are treated mostly depends on the family. Whether they will follow blindly or "do the kind thing."

  ra
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  26

  Breaking free and closure...

  by RaraAvis in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i have only been posting on this site for a short time, and haven't completely decided how i feel about it.

  i have found it interesting to say the least, and have learned a lot from members such as andersonsinfo and others.

  i have felt compassion for many who have posted here, have felt out of the loop by many others who have formed tight "friendships" with each other here, have been shocked by some users, have been inspired by others ... you get the idea... i have had a full spectrum of thoughts more or less.. however.... the one feeling i get the most is it reminds me of divorce, or when you split off from someone who mattered to you and you can't seem to let go.

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  RaraAvis

  Sylvia - yes I can see that, some very kind and caring helpful people are here.

  Quirky - So you really feel that this is an organization a person can never really completely break free from emotionally?
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  26

  Breaking free and closure...

  by RaraAvis in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i have only been posting on this site for a short time, and haven't completely decided how i feel about it.

  i have found it interesting to say the least, and have learned a lot from members such as andersonsinfo and others.

  i have felt compassion for many who have posted here, have felt out of the loop by many others who have formed tight "friendships" with each other here, have been shocked by some users, have been inspired by others ... you get the idea... i have had a full spectrum of thoughts more or less.. however.... the one feeling i get the most is it reminds me of divorce, or when you split off from someone who mattered to you and you can't seem to let go.

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  RaraAvis

  To Brocephus:

  I was born in. Left in the early 90s, I was in my late 20s. And I have had counseling / deprogramming. I am good Bro. In fact it has only been recently that I have been visiting and commenting on this site. I have thought more about all of it in the last 2 months than the last 17+ years since I left. An old JW friend told me about this site. I have found it interesting, but got to thinking about how it doesn't seem like a person has really left the whole thing if they are still thinking about all of it all the time.

  ra
• 
  26

  Breaking free and closure...

  by RaraAvis in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i have only been posting on this site for a short time, and haven't completely decided how i feel about it.

  i have found it interesting to say the least, and have learned a lot from members such as andersonsinfo and others.

  i have felt compassion for many who have posted here, have felt out of the loop by many others who have formed tight "friendships" with each other here, have been shocked by some users, have been inspired by others ... you get the idea... i have had a full spectrum of thoughts more or less.. however.... the one feeling i get the most is it reminds me of divorce, or when you split off from someone who mattered to you and you can't seem to let go.

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  RaraAvis

  Interesting
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  26

  Breaking free and closure...

  by RaraAvis in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i have only been posting on this site for a short time, and haven't completely decided how i feel about it.

  i have found it interesting to say the least, and have learned a lot from members such as andersonsinfo and others.

  i have felt compassion for many who have posted here, have felt out of the loop by many others who have formed tight "friendships" with each other here, have been shocked by some users, have been inspired by others ... you get the idea... i have had a full spectrum of thoughts more or less.. however.... the one feeling i get the most is it reminds me of divorce, or when you split off from someone who mattered to you and you can't seem to let go.

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  RaraAvis

  I have only been posting on this site for a short time, and haven't completely decided how I feel about it. I have found it interesting to say the least, and have learned a lot from members such as andersonsinfo and others. I have felt compassion for many who have posted here, have felt out of the loop by many others who have formed tight "friendships" with each other here, have been shocked by some users, have been inspired by others ... you get the idea... I have had a full spectrum of thoughts more or less.

  However...

  The one feeling I get the most is it reminds me of divorce, or when you split off from someone who mattered to you and you can't seem to let go. You know, get closure. It is like the ex-wife who still wants to know what the ex-husband is up to, who he is seeing, where he is working, so she is constantly checking up on him etc. or the ex-husband who is bitter about being lied to or cheated on and can't get over how he was wronged.

  So my question is: When does leaving end if one is constantly thinking on that which was left? How does a person find closure if they are still very much involved or engaging the "ex" so-to-speak?

  I truly am curious - so try not to flame me please. : )

  ra
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  44

  Emotional Blackmail and ex-JWs

  by Lady Lee in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  based on a discussion last night and a request to write something about it i went hunting through some old posts and found this one.

  emotional blackmail and jws.

  we were discussing whether it is emotional abuse when the elders visit us after we have left and wind up being nasty or try to pressure us to go back.. so i was thinking - what are some of their tactics and would they fit into this category?.

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  RaraAvis

  I went through counseling after I left in the early 90s. One thing my therapist helped me to see is that the organization as a whole, as well as the local congregations are like one big dysfunctional family. The dysfunction includes but is not limited to; physical abuse to children taking place at almost every meeting in the library or the bathrooms; abuse to women who are expected to do as they are told; not allowing anyone to have their own voice; the father (Jehovah) is intolerant of any wrongdoing i.e. expects perfection; the elders have no boundaries; sexuality is controlled and suppressed; all or nothing teachings; lives are not as important as obedience; the list goes on and on.

  When you shrink the whole thing down, it is nothing more than one great big dysfunctional family. It also attracts the dysfunctional person, it fits, feels familiar. So when a person is healthy emotionally they can see clearly how far off base it is.

  ra