Posts by Cadellin

13

The start of a rough patch ahead...

by confused3426 in

jw
friends

last night i told my mom my true feelings on the organization and what i've learned so far.

it all started from a conversation, we need to go visit the new headquarters.

my mom has been studying and just recently became an unbaptized publisher in the spanish cong.

Cadellin

Hi, Confused:

First of all, I'm so sorry--this is super stressful for your mom, yes, but for you, too. You are not responsible for your mother's feelings but they are understandable. Remember one thing--your mind is your own and you have the right to investigate any religion in a thoughtful, critical way. As far as your questions, it all depends. If you need to live with your mother as a dependent, then you are in a more difficult position than if you are able to move out and care for yourself. If you need to keep living with her, then you might need to pull back and keep the peace for at least a little while.

One great piece of advice I got when I was leaving was this: There is no wrong way to leave a cult (or high control religion). You need to do what is in your best interests. That said, it will be easiest for you if you can start arranging your affairs so that you can live independently, even if that is a year or more off in the distance.

When I started fading, I moved very slowly. I stopped going to the service meeting/school but kept going to the Sunday meeting for quite a while. It's okay to say that you are depressed, that you are not feeling well, that you are stressed out.

Hang in there-it DOES get better!

12

Heartbroken...advice please

by SPARKLEY in

i am a non-jw and have been in an unhappy marriage for a few years now.

i met a nice man at work, we had a laugh together and got to know each other.

we were both really attracted to each other.

Cadellin

Sparkley, I am so sorry you have had this unhappy experience. But take the good advice that you've received here and move on.

65

My Introduction - An ex-elder's story of waking up later in life.

by doubtfull1799 in

background:.

my parents got the “truth” while i was in primary school.

i was baptised at 14. i loved school and was extremely studious.

Cadellin

Welcome! One of the best things about this site is realizing that you are not alone, nor are you delusional (both of which I felt when I first woke up). You are seeing the WT for what it really is.

It's hard--but worth it!

53

Are the J.W's reaching a "Tipping point"?

by karter in

jw
friends

i haven't been to a meeting in 15 years but my mother and sister are hard as j.w's.

the brothers they are appointing elders are at best suspect like one guy from my old hall made elder,big time drug used before becoming a j.w his talks are all over the place and would have struggled to make m,s years ago but with at least 60 to 70 % of young ones leaving the pool to pick from is at best reduced.. 2 other recent elders both young and zero life experience both on benefits one not well at all falls asleep all the time.. the decent,kind elders mostly older and are decent people with alot of life experience are burning out fast as there are so few of them left like 3 per congro of 100 publishers.. then you have the rich elders who wouldn't ever think of inviting some poor older or mis-fit person out to the expensive placers they go to as they couldn't afford to go so they are above the r&f and the r&f get pissed off with them.

then we have the ones who have "put the kingdom 1st" who are now old worn out and barely getting by from welfare cheque to welfare cheque that are saying "the system should have been over many years ago" it's still here and they are struggling everyday.. then there are the pioneers who have a low payed reduced hour job that seem to think anyone who has anything is totally materialistic and looks down on anyone getting a new car buying a house ect.. along with the child abuse issues,the generation change,access to information the the g.b don't want anyone to know ,not to mention the issues around blood.. is there a tipping point coming????

Cadellin

I have been inactive for about a decade but my husband is still an elder. I happened to read this past Sunday's WT study article and was struck by how therapeutically-focused it was. What I mean is, the whole thrust of the article (and really, the magazine) is how to cope emotionally and mentally. Prayer, etc. is essentially reduced to therapy--do this and you'll feel better. That is, I think, what the whole religion has become. There is no longer any real doctrinal "meat" other than coping mechanisms and obedience lessons.

A second point related to Witness life: My husband was out in service with another elder and told me, when he got home, how he was able to make a pitch for his business to this other elder and the elder was going to arrange a meeting with someone in his own company. I said, "You were talking business out in service?!" since I remember how that was a no-no. My husband said, "Sure, we always do." Like it was normal.

Which, I guess, it is. Now.

90

Day 5 - Fessler vs. Watchtower – Ends: Plaintiff settles in Jehovah’s Witness Child Abuse Trial

by darkspilver in

day 5 in court - and apparently the plaintiff stephanie fessler has decided to settle..... http://www.pennlive.com/news/2017/02/jehovahs_witness_sexual_abuse.html.

jehovah's witness sexual-abuse-coverup lawsuit settled.

february 13, 2017 at 2:37 pm, updated february 13, 2017 at 2:44 pm.

Cadellin

"The matter with the Jehovah's Witnesses has been resolved," her attorney, Jeffrey Fritz, said Monday.

And that was all he could say due to the confidential settlement agreement, which bars all parties from talking about the case or disclosing the amount of the settlement.

And that's why they (JWs) settled. Confidentiality, limit the damages, silence the parties involved. Separately, let me add that the plaintiff had every right to settle and find the best way to deal with what she's been through.

62

What have been some of the funniest local needs talks that you have heard?

by DaPriest in

i remember once in berlin south germany there was a local needs part for the men only, and how they should use the toilet.

in all seriousness for ten minutes a retarded nigerian was going on about how men need to sit down when using the toilet.

no mention of anything else.. it transpired that some little kraut boy from an "interested" family would aim for the side of the toilet and leave a great big puddle for others to clean up.

Cadellin

We had one brilliant DO at a circuit local needs go on about modest dress for women and say that sisters should follow the example of the women shown in the Society's publications. Then he added--and I kid you not--that he didn't mean the modern pictures but the ones from ancient Israel, where they were in long loose garb. Seriously. I think he had money invested in international burqa production.

42

New here..help greatly appreciated

by Confusedandangry in

hi everyone i don't even know where to begin.

i recently saw leah remini's series on scientology thanks to my husband (semi-active jw) and i felt like my eyes were being opened for the 1st time in my adult life.

i felt shaken almost sick to my stomach with each episode i watched.

Cadellin

Confusedandangry, what you are feeling is normal. You are normal. You are entitled to feel like you do. Your feelings are entirely justifiable. Don't ever, ever feel like you are to blame or that there is something wrong with you. To the contrary, there is something very wrong with the organization to which we have all once belonged.

I was in your position about 12 years ago. Here's what helped: I read everything I could, particularly in the area of credible, authoritative research on evolution, ancient history, ancient humans, so-called "flood" geology, the history of the earth and of Jehovah's Witnesses. I also read Crisis of Conscience, which should be on the top of your list. Franz is a gentle, insightful, articulate writer who speaks absolute truth. I know enough from first hand experience about the inner workings of Bethel and everything he says is consistent with what I have seen.

Hang out here! You are among people who have experienced what you are going through. And survived! There's a really great life out there, free from the craziness. You can make it.

40

What finally helped you to peek behind the curtain

by UnshackleTheChains in

i'm interested in finding out what it was that finally enabled you to open your eyes to the real truth of watchtower.

what started me thinking, was the societys very own book...' 'revelation..it's grand climax at hand'.

i found that book farcicle.

Cadellin

I can relate to so many of the moments already described, but the first inkling came when I was about 20. I've always loved science and was so excited when the bright turquoise "Creation" book was released, especially since so much of it was backed up by REAL SCIENCE in the form of QUOTES. In particular, Carl Sagan's book Cosmos was quoted, something to the effect that the fossil record could be consistent with a Designer. Only, I looked up the actual quote and found that it was a partial quote, that what Sagan was really saying was that the fossil record was consistent with a capricious, unpredictable, destructive kind of Designer. Not exactly what the WT was saying. I was able to stifle my shock and carry on like a good minion, pioneering for years, marrying an elder, until I was in my late 30's and I thought--I need to look into that again. I started researching everything about creation vs. evolution, Noachian flood, etc. and well, when you actually start looking at real science, everything pretty much falls apart.

This site was invaluable as well, as Leolaia was posting then, some truly scholarly and eye-opening stuff.

25

Stuck

by Cindy in

i feel so stuck.

i am married to a wonderful man.

i have been married for almost a decade and adore my husband.

Cadellin

Hi, Cindy:

I was in/am in exactly your shoes. I discovered TTATT and it was a devastating shocker to me. My husband is an elder and fairly zealous but not unbalanced. Essentially, I just did a very long, slow fade and here I am, inactive for about eight years and never happier! We kept out marriage together and just agreed to disagree. In fact, my husband helped me in my fade by running interference between me and elders who wanted to "talk" to me (we know what that means). So I never had to face official questions or anything like that.

It's hard--don't get me wrong. I let my field service time dwindle, as you are doing, right down to an hour a month and then, one August, I just didn't turn one in. And guess what? Nothing happened. About two years later, we moved to a different state and that made everything even easier.

The point is, you WILL get through this. It is quite possible to make a happy life for yourself and keep your marriage intact. And coming here and getting support is part of that.

137

Mouthy has Passed Away

by Simon in

jw
friends

update on mouthy (grace gough)this is graces granddaughter.

i wanted to send an update that today my beautiful grandmother passed away - surrounded by friends and family.

- may 22 1927 - sept 2nd 2016. mouthys_granddaughter.

Cadellin

We have lost so many this past year. Dear Mouthy.