Gadget,
It was the Group Toilet Visiting and Jumble Sale Massacre that had me in stiches.
Ignored One.
ignored_one
JoinedPosts by ignored_one
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Women's World Records
by ignored_one incar parking: the smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman, was one of 19.36 metres, equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by mrs e. simpkins (g.b.
) driving an unmodified vauxhall nova swing on 12th october 1993. she started the manoeuvre at 11:15 a.m. in ropergate, pontefract and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14 minutes later.
there was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and the two adjoining cars, as well as shop frontage and two lamp posts.
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Gender jokes
by wonderer2003 in"god," said adam, "why did you make eve so beautiful?".
"so you would love her.".
"but why did you make her so dumb?".
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Women's World Records
by ignored_one incar parking: the smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman, was one of 19.36 metres, equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by mrs e. simpkins (g.b.
) driving an unmodified vauxhall nova swing on 12th october 1993. she started the manoeuvre at 11:15 a.m. in ropergate, pontefract and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14 minutes later.
there was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and the two adjoining cars, as well as shop frontage and two lamp posts.
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ignored_one
Car Parking: The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman, was one of 19.36 metres, equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs E. Simpkins (G.B.) driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova Swing on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11:15 a.m. in Ropergate, Pontefract and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and the two adjoining cars, as well as shop frontage and two lamp posts.
Incorrect Driving: The longest journey completed with the handbrake on, was one of 313 miles from Stranraer to Holyhead, by Dr Julie Thorn, at the wheel of a Saab 900 on 2nd April 1987. Dr Thorn smelled burning two miles into her journey at Aird, but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest completed with the choke fully out and the right indicator flashing.
Traffic Light Cosmetics: The longest spell spent oblivious to traffic lights whilst applying make up was one of 1 hour 51 minutes 38 seconds by Miss J. Dobson at a road junction in the centre of Preston on the 1st August 1975. Miss Dobson, a piano teacher, beautified herself through 212 cycles of the light, creating a tailback of irate motorists stretching 28 miles towards Leeds.
Group Toilet Visit: The record for the largest group of women to visit a toilet simultaneously is held by 147 workers at the Department of Social Security, Long Benton. At their annual celebration at a nightclub = in Newcastle upon Tyne on 12th October 1994, Mrs Beryl Crabtree got up to go to the toilet and was immediately followed by 146 other members of the party. Moving in a mass, the group entered the toilet at 9.52 p.m. and after waiting for everyone to finish, emerged 2 hours 37 minutes later.
Film Confusion: The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband without asking a stupid plot related question was achieved on the 28th October 1990, when Mrs Ethel Brunswick sat = down with her husband to watch 'The Ipcress File'. She watched in silence for a breathtaking 2 minutes 40 seconds before asking, "Is he a goodie or a baddie, then, him in the glasses?" revealing a staggering level of ignorance. This broke her own record set in 1962 when she sat through 2 minutes 38 seconds of '633 Squadron' before asking, "Is this a war film, is it?"
Single Breath Sentence: An Oxfordshire woman recently became the first ever to break the thirty minute barrier for talking without drawing breath. Mrs Mavis Sommers, 48, of Cowley, smashed the previous record of 23 minutes when she excitedly reported an argument she'd had in the butcher's to her neighbour. She ranted on for a staggering 32 minutes and 12 seconds without pausing for air, before going blue and collapsing in a heap on the ground. She was taken to Radcliffe Infirmary in a wheelbarrow but was released later after check-ups.At the peak of her mammoth motormouth marathon, she achieved an unbelievable 680 words per minute, repeating the main points of the story an amazing 114 times whilst her neighbour, Mrs Dolly Knowles, nodded and tutted. The last third of the sentence was delivered in a barely audible croak, the last two minutes being mouthed only, accompanied by vigorous gesticulations and indignant spasms.
Shop Dithering: The longest time spent dithering in a shop was 12 days between 21st August and 2nd September 1995 by Mrs Sandra Wilks (G.B.) in the Birmingham branch of Dorothy Perkins. Entering the shop on a Saturday morning, Mrs Wilks could not choose between two near identical dresses which were both in the sale. After one hour, her husband, sitting on a chair by the changing room with his head in his hands, told her to buy both. Mrs Wilks eventually bought one for £12.99, only to return the next day and exchange it for the other one. To date, she has yet to wear it. Mrs Wilks also holds the record for window shopping longevity, when, starting September 12th 1995, she stood motionless gazing at a pair of shoes in Clinkard's window in Kidderminster for 3 weeks two days before eventually going home.
Jumble Sale Massacre: The greatest number of old ladies to perish whilst fighting at a jumble sale is 98, at a Methodist Church Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire on February 12th 1991. When the doors opened at 10.00am, the initial scramble to get in cost 16 lives, a further 25 being killed in a crush at the first table. A seven-way skirmish then broke out over a pinafore dress costing 10 pence which escalated into a full scale melee resulting in another 18 lives being lost. A pitched battle over a headscarf then ensued and quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women. The jumble sale raised £5.28 for local boy scouts.
Talking About Nothing: Mrs Mary Caterham (G.B.) and Mrs Marjorie Steele (G.B.) sat in a kitchen in Blackburn, Lancashire and talked about nothing whatsoever for four and a half months from 1st May to 7th August 1978, pausing only for coffee, cakes and toilet visits. Throughout the whole time, no information was exchanged and neither woman gained any new knowledge whatsoever. The outdoor record for talking about nothing is held by Mrs Vera Etherington (G.B.) and her neighbour Mrs Dolly Booth (G.B.) of Ipswich, who between 11th November 1983 and 12th January 1984 chuntered on over their fence in an unenlightening dialogue lasting almost 62 days until Mrs Booth remembered she'd left the bath running.
Gossiping: On February 18th 1992, Joyce Blatherwick, a close friend of Agnes Banbury popped round for a cup of tea and a chat, during the course of which she told Mrs Banbury, in the strictest confidence, that she was having an affair with the butcher. After Mrs Blatherwick left at 2.10 p.m., Mrs Banbury immediately began to tell everyone, swearing them all to secrecy. By 2.30p.m., she had told 128 people of the news. By 2.50 p.m. it had risen to 372 and by 4.00 p.m. that afternoon, 2774 knew of the affair, including the local Amateur Dramatic Society, several knitting circles, a coachload of American tourists which she flagged down and the butcher's wife. When a tired Mrs Banbury went to bed at 11.55 p.m. that night, Mrs Blatherwick's affair was common knowledge to a staggering 75,338 people, enough to fill Wembley Stadium.
Ignored One.
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Ray Franz.....LIAR?
by integ inone of my witness family members agreed to take a look at crisis of conscience, and after.
perusing the first couple of chapters, said that she thought it could be all made up.
agreed that the documents presented could be legitimate, but as far as franz's personal.
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ignored_one
Interesting topic.
It's always nice to find out what was going on behind the scenes.
So SOJ. Managed to get in touch with anyone again?
Ignored One.
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Question for all.....
by BeelzeDub inthis may seem like strange questions, but is for some research i am doing.
if you could give a short reply, it would be appreciated.
i would very much like to hear the views of any who live outside the usa but have heard something about tennessee.
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ignored_one
That great song by Arrested Development!
Same here Matty.
Ignored One.
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Swedish JW df'ed ...................
by TheOldHippie inin case nobody else has heard it, the swedish jw who was the "main personage" in the television program aired a month or so ago, was df'ed yesterday.
the branch hung up upon him in the program and asked him to write a letter, giving his story how he had been abused etc.
the branch overseer told the reporters how sorry he felt for him, and that he had been helped, and how they wanted to help him in the future, too.
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ignored_one
Can't you just feeeeeeeeeeeeel the love.
Ignored One.
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TV-Documentary About JW Trying to Become Public Body In Germany
by GermanXJW ini know that some of you can see german tv via satellite and some of you even understand german.
maybe you just want to have a look at the pictures: .
next wednesday, july 2nd, 23:30h (german time) a 45-min-documentary is being broadcast about jw in germany trying to get hold of the status of a public body in germany.
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ignored_one
Being able to make visits to hospitals, prisons and schools
To make sure people die from refusing blood, looking for more recruits from people who have nothing better to do and well, they generally don't visit schools.
deduct the obligatory church tax from their income taxation
Of course this isn't the main reason.
run programs for benefitting the elderly or sick, things like that
Yup, that will be when hell freezes over.
Ignored One
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Adventures at the District Convention
by RunningMan inwell, after a 15 month absence from the kingdom hall, i once again found myself in the biggest kingdom hall of all the district convention.
as in previous years, the material presented was dull and repetitious, so once again, i was forced to provide my own entertainment.
so, like last year, i am pleased to present a further installment to my assembly adventures, called:
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ignored_one
ROFLMAO
Thanks for that RunningMan.
Ignored One.
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I like my new desktop look....Time to post your desktop again!
by qwerty injust been playing with my new pc.
a friend gave me a program called yzdock.
it's a neat menu system / navigator (you can see it at the bottom of my win xp desktop) .
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The Bishop of Carlisle- where have you heard this before?
by petespal2002 inin our local evening paper the bishop of carlisle was quoted as saying that homosexual acts, anal and oral sex and sex outside of marriage are signs of demon posession and proof positive of demon activity in the world.
he also said that miscarrages can bring demons into the world, as can abortions, those with mental illnesses or longstanding medical conditions that don't respond well to treatment could be possesed of a spirit, as could those who constantly wear black or repeatedly buy black cars.
i was reminded of those told by christian elders that they may havr allowed satan in due to some activity or occurence of depression.
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ignored_one
I agree with this gentleman, the vagina should be put on like an overcoat.
I thought they were meant to be eaten?
Ignored One.