As I started out giving talks I would follow the outline to the letter not thinking too much about what I was actually saying or citing because of nerves .
Over time I got better and eventually started to hear myself speak ,less nerves .
Then confidence started to appear and I would start to speak "extemperaniously" as they say.
In time I found it harder and harder to speak the outline without thinking that this or that point was pretty lame ,and then include my stuff I wanted to get across. But in time I found it harder and harder to find material that was honest that fitted in with WTS BS and with the outlines the WTS gave me .
I was glad when I stepped down , my conscience was mine again.