Jan: I agree there are healthy and unhealthy levels of shame and guilt. When those who influence us use it to control our lives it's very damaging. This would be the so whether it's our families or a religious org. It's usually both and they are intertwined.
As we have discussed before, I believe it's necessary for us to separate what is actually the orgs shame-based (guilt tripping) and which is our families in order to heal. If we only focus on the damage the org has done to us then we will never identify and work though our family issues. Self examination is necessary to recover form our childhood and organizational issues. If we blame the org for all of our difficulties then we will miss the opportunity for recovery. Certainly all of us have family issues that would have been present no matter which religious org. we were raised in or came to join.
zenpunk...hmm..you know where this comes from our private conversations.
Outnfree
I remember crying at a CO's talk entitled "Elijah was a Man like You and Me" which was supposed to make us feel better about being discouraged at times, but only made me feel worthless about my "limited" service!
I appreciate all of your post but this is certainly something many of us can understand. Since our service was never enough in time or quality. These shame-based talks were too much to bare anymore.
Perfectionseeker says:
Trying to attain perfection is a losing battle, and it sucks!
It defiantly does because we always lose when trying to attain perfection, which is allusive. Since, we all know that noone is perfect it is an attempt to elevate ourselves above others. Which, inevitably leads to comparing ourselves to others and thinking we are superior or lesser. This mentality always leads to low self esteem which is why I thought of it when reading Dana's thread. Also, perfectionism creates a separation between us and other people.
Making connections with people is my life is my mission. Even though, I find it difficult sometimes since I really love being alone as much as possible.
Sorry it took so long to respond I didn't have time the following day. Then, I forgot about this thread. Thanks for the thoughtful responses.
Edited by - Imbue on 17 July 2002 1:10:15
