I agree with Blondie. I travel on occassion and up until my last trip, I always find a local KH and attempt to go to the meetings while there. Most times I am either ignored or only a few people talk to me since I am in the typical meeting clothes. However, one time I went to a KH that I had been to previously, but I wore jeans and a polo shirt - I had just come straight from a company event that was outdoors and we were required to wear jeans and tennis shoes. People were all over me. Asking my name and where I was from. One sister came over and before saying anything else she told me that "her son was good with helping people on Bible studies and I could have one if I wanted." Her son looked maybe 15 and possible slight head trauma. I said no and told her where I was from. She then asked why I was not in a suit and proceeded to walk away.
rockmehardplace
JoinedPosts by rockmehardplace
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11
Is KH really a place of "Public Worship"?
by cameo-d inhave you ever known anyone to just walk in off the street?.
to me, kh's don't seem too obvious.. the one's i have seen are not too obvious.
they all seem to be tucked away in residential neighborhoods and some have very discreet signs.. none i have ever seen advertise their times of worship services.
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No phone calls please...
by rockmehardplace infor all those that read my post from the other day, i have been asked that if i am to miss any meetings i must call one particular elder per his request.
so on sunday i woke up and decided to stay home from the meeting and test my theory that this guy is on a power trip.
i "had a headache" which in all reality was a small hangover from the night before.
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rockmehardplace
PP - long story short - Yes, I am an elder. I will one day share that long frightful journey on how I recently got there.
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No phone calls please...
by rockmehardplace infor all those that read my post from the other day, i have been asked that if i am to miss any meetings i must call one particular elder per his request.
so on sunday i woke up and decided to stay home from the meeting and test my theory that this guy is on a power trip.
i "had a headache" which in all reality was a small hangover from the night before.
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rockmehardplace
"Sorry, but why does this elder expect you to call him to let you know when you won't be at the meeting?" - Password Protected
Good question. I want to understand better myself. I know that in the past he has stated that he holds me to a "different" standard than others because of my "potential". However, he also has issues with me and some of my family and we have butted heads in the past over different "rules" or what I would constitute as being his rules. I think this is his way of saying he is still in control and he will run things his way. Just a power trip.
As for "potential" - well he would just crap if he saw me here. Which by the way, he wont. He could not turn on a computer if he had a bottle of wine, flowers, and Barry White singing in the background.
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No phone calls please...
by rockmehardplace infor all those that read my post from the other day, i have been asked that if i am to miss any meetings i must call one particular elder per his request.
so on sunday i woke up and decided to stay home from the meeting and test my theory that this guy is on a power trip.
i "had a headache" which in all reality was a small hangover from the night before.
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rockmehardplace
For all those that read my post from the other day, I have been asked that if I am to miss any meetings I must call one particular elder per his request. So on Sunday I woke up and decided to stay home from the meeting and test my theory that this guy is on a power trip. I "had a headache" which in all reality was a small hangover from the night before. No call to say I was not going to go. I just decided to not show up. All day Sunday, I waited and waited for my phone to ring with "Brother Call Me" wanting to know where I was at. But I never heard anything.
All seemed well until Monday. I decided to not go to work due to holiday since I have the option to take off and thought that I might catch up on some things around the house. During the morning, I was in the backyard working and my wife comes around to the back saying that a car pulled up in front of the house with a bunch of people from the Kingdom Hall. I asked who it was and she said she only saw "Brother Call Me" getting out with another brother. So I walked around the front of the house and there they were, standing on the front steps just talking. After the typical hello, how was the meeting, sorry we missed you this weekend for the meeting and field service, "Brother Call Me" asked if I remembered our conversation from the other day. I told him I did and he asked why I did not call to let him know where I was.
I froze. I had a million things I wanted to say, many of which were involving phones and places to put them. However, all I could muster was "I didnt want to." He just stared at me. That was the stangest 15 seconds of silence after that ever. Finally, the other "brother" jumped in and stated that he hoped things were ok and that he hoped to see us this week. I turned and walked back around the house and left them both standing there. No good bye, no thanks, no get out of my yard. Nothing.
Why is something so small as this such a big issue? I know some elders and MS' that have missed meetings for weeks and no one said anything. The control issues some have are insane!!!
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No phone calls please...
by rockmehardplace infor all those that read my post from the other day, i have been asked that if i am to miss any meetings i must call one particular elder per his request.
so on sunday i woke up and decided to stay home from the meeting and test my theory that this guy is on a power trip.
i "had a headache" which in all reality was a small hangover from the night before.
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rockmehardplace
For all those that read my post from the other day, I have been asked that if I am to miss any meetings I must call one particular elder per his request. So on Sunday I woke up and decided to stay home from the meeting and test my theory that this guy is on a power trip. I "had a headache" which in all reality was a small hangover from the night before. No call to say I was not going to go. I just decided to not show up. All day Sunday, I waited and waited for my phone to ring with "Brother Call Me" wanting to know where I was at. But I never heard anything.
All seemed well until Monday. I decided to not go to work due to holiday since I have the option to take off and thought that I might catch up on some things around the house. During the morning, I was in the backyard working and my wife comes around to the back saying that a car pulled up in front of the house with a bunch of people from the Kingdom Hall. I asked who it was and she said she only saw "Brother Call Me" getting out with another brother. So I walked around the front of the house and there they were, standing on the front steps just talking. After the typical hello, how was the meeting, sorry we missed you this weekend for the meeting and field service, "Brother Call Me" asked if I remembered our conversation from the other day. I told him I did and he asked why I did not call to let him know where I was.
I froze. I had a million things I wanted to say, many of which were involving phones and places to put them. However, all I could muster was "I didnt want to." He just stared at me. That was the stangest 15 seconds of silence after that ever. Finally, the other "brother" jumped in and stated that he hoped things were ok and that he hoped to see us this week. I turned and walked back around the house and left them both standing there. No good bye, no thanks, no get out of my yard. Nothing.
Why is something so small as this such a big issue? I know some elders and MS' that have missed meetings for weeks and no one said anything. The control issues some have are insane!!!
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why didn't they approach me?
by Denial inthis past saturday morning, i was walking through downtown guelph ontario when i saw 3 ppl standing on corners of an intersection with what i instantly recognized to be watchtowers in their hands.
while i was at an atm, i watched them approach various strangers and i started to get excited, thinking about what i would say to them when approached.
(1 middle aged woman 1 teenage girl and 1 man - interestingly, i first doubted the man was a dub because he had no jacket, blue shirt, orange tie, and had a cell phone attached to his belt - i cant imagine ever being allowed in service with a visible cellphone.).
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rockmehardplace
Personally, when we would "witness" on the corners in the city, we would always approach ones that were alone. The thought was that you had a greater chance of having a conversation with someone and "sparking" interest than if it was two or more. When people are in groups, they tend to follow other peoples direction, so if one says no, the others may say no as well even if they are interested.
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Can't believe I am doing this
by rockmehardplace ini am shocked i am even writing this.
for about a year or so, i have hid in the darkness peeking at this site and following everyone else's story.
i have learned more than i expected from so many.
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rockmehardplace
I have been monitoring my post all day since I made it. I must now take absence for a few days as I will not have internet access until next week (you see, I can only do this while at work and we have bank holiday Monday). I thank all of you for your comments and I will continue to check in next week. So many people have such unique situations in their lives, and each of you handle yours in a different way. Some with humor, some with seriousness, some with bitterness (and thats ok), some with hopefullness, and some with a few drinks. Either way, I have found a place to finally feel free to vent and release myself from my situation ( Rock{me}hardplace ) Thanks again.
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Can't believe I am doing this
by rockmehardplace ini am shocked i am even writing this.
for about a year or so, i have hid in the darkness peeking at this site and following everyone else's story.
i have learned more than i expected from so many.
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rockmehardplace
Thanks OTWO. The phone call was only a freak coincidence. For a moment there, it sounded as if I was living a story made up by, I dont know, maybe africanGB? lol I will definately take your advice on the calling issue.
You are right, many organizations have made impacts on people's lives for the better, not just the JWs. I have to keep reminding myself of that. A little more deprogramming is in order.
Thanks again. -
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Can't believe I am doing this
by rockmehardplace ini am shocked i am even writing this.
for about a year or so, i have hid in the darkness peeking at this site and following everyone else's story.
i have learned more than i expected from so many.
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rockmehardplace
Thank you all so very much for your thoughts. When I first wrote this - which I have written a hundred times before today in my head - I thought this was the end of me. After I wrote it, a weight felt lifted. I understand that more weight needs to come off, but time and patience are my newest companions.
Just to comment on a few thoughts1. Carla: You are absolutely right. My wife and I had that discussion and she still wants to believe that these men in NY are doing what is best most of the time. I stand by the belief that my direction comes from Jesus, and everything I would need would be found in the Bible and not in a board room with a small group of old men who don't have a clue what it is like to live in the real world. (that is another subject I could go on but I wont hijack my own thread)
2. Chalam: Thank you for that, it reminded me of an issue I had about a year ago with Gal 5:14. I asked if we loved our neighbor, who qualifies? I was told that everyone would be our neighbor. It was then that I asked why some do not take this to heart because of the way that a particular brother was being treated (he is considered weak because he owns his own business and has to sometimes work nights so some have started to shun him to a degree). They told me that they were trying to encourage him to come back to the meetings fully, and I said "How? By treating him like trash? I cannot stand my next door neighbor where I live and I never treated him like that. Why would I treat Brother Hastoworkalot like garbage and he is related to us in the faith?" I am still awaiting an answer on that.
3. Snakes: I loved the Wizard of Oz thought. Yes, I found the little man behind the curtain and I think he is smug, arrogant, and concerned with only himself. I once heard someone say "A fish stinks from the head to the tail." Never really got that until I saw that the attitude starts at the top and rolls right down to the local levels.
4. OnTheWayOut: I have always appreciated your comments on other posts/sites and have seen your story from time to time. One thought though, I sadly realized that I do not have "the truth" being a JW. I realized that there is good things and there bad things about the religion. I have seen many people improve their lives because of becoming a JW but I have seen families and relationships destroyed by what JWs have done as well. I always think of Mouthy when she says to not "throw out the baby with the dirty water." Never has there been a more truer statement for me. But with that said, I will say your posts have been encouraging always.
5. Ninja - I have to admit I think you are insane, but that is good. I would love to see you at a party. You are the one with the lampshade on your head I am sure.
6. Daniel-p: your comment on caring people in general population is so true. I have a really good job that keeps me in contact with alot of people not only at work, but in the community as well. Many business leaders, politicians, general community, the works so to speak. I have met alot of very nice people who have shown more love and caring to me than many of my brothers and sisters "in the faith". Thank you for reminding me of that.
7. Piercingtheveil81: thank you for that post, as I break free I can only hope my wife will eventually too. Yes, I still believe in God and have a spiritual need. That need I have found is not satisfied or can be manipulated by the board room in NY. I know that there will be a breaking point for me, I just have to get to that point and I know it is building up to it. Eventually I will need to make the decision. With that in mind, whenever I thing about it, I always have this song run through my head: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ag8J2NMYmc
One other note: Right after I hit the submit button on my first post, my cell phone rang and it was an elder in the congregation I attend. And funny thing is, I did not think he had my cell phone number and he never calls me at home or work. I thought "Oh Crap, I really screwed up big time didnt I!" He proceeded to inform me that when I miss a meeting going forward (I missed the last week or so due to work issues and being sick), I needed to call and inform him whenever I was going to miss. WOW! Now I have to check in when I want to stay home? Just further impressed upon me that I really am right in my feelings.
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Can't believe I am doing this
by rockmehardplace ini am shocked i am even writing this.
for about a year or so, i have hid in the darkness peeking at this site and following everyone else's story.
i have learned more than i expected from so many.
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rockmehardplace
I am shocked I am even writing this. For about a year or so, I have hid in the darkness peeking at this site and following everyone else's story. I have learned more than I expected from so many. I have read some of the prescribed books, took in what many have said, and continued to formulate my own opinions while studying multiple sources in and out of Watchtower land. I will try to be limited in my comments as to why I am here and some of the details may be cloudy as I dont want to give my identification away just yet. I have been formally baptized getting close to 20 years. About 20 years ago, one of my family members decided to plunge headfirst into the religion and I somehow got pulled along as a young adult (early 20's). I will admit, there was much I was unclear of when taught, but I was always drawn in mostly due to the "love" shown by so many. That all changed a few years into it once I was married to a wonderful woman who was in a very spiritually strong family. Many of my friends turned against me since I was so close to such a loving family who was selective in their relationships with others. To be fair to the family for this act of snobbery, they had good reason to be selective after being hurt on more than one occasion. Once this problem began, I started to see the ugly side of so many, especially the elders. One elder in particular, who was like a fleshly brother to me, completely turned his back on me because he felt I "joined an elite snobbish group in the hall." Even with all of this, I continued to progress in the congregation thinking that I am part of a perfect organization with imperfect people. Still to this day, I hold a "position" in the congregation with many priveleges or what I meant to say was duties, and I have worked extensively on District Conventions and Circuit Assemblies above and beyond the attendant at the door. But I am always torn as to how I feel when it comes to JWs and it being my chosen religion.
You see, I can overlook the 1914 issue. I always knew the pedophile issue for what it was and swore if I had kids when I first heard about it years ago, I woud never let them out of my site with anyone. I hate the recent changes about the GB and the emphasis put on them as the sole decision makers, what happened to free will and discernment on the individual's part. I never really felt that the blood issue was right even after my research, but I figured if the time came I would make my decision based on my personal feelings and not share with anyone other than my wife who does support me in that area. I thought that field service was nothing more than a two hour brunch session after knocking on the same persons door week after week. So, although I never really was a firm supporter of much of this, I kept it to myself and just played the game. I never wanted to lose my family, and I know I would if I expressed my feelings. Even more so, if I did express my feelings, it would be even worse for my wife and I don't want to hurt her either. So, being stuck between the rock and hard place is where I am at for now.
What made me change my attitude from being passive about things to being more vocal over everything is backbiting, hypocrisy, lies, and mostly unloving attitude. And this goes even deeper than imperfection of others, it is outright disrespect for people and disrespect for God. As I sit at meetings, I find that it is always about what I can or should I dare say cannot do as a Witness, although more and more the term "Witless" applies in this regard. No mention of the saving graces of Jesus or how we benefit from a relationship with him. I feel as if I am always being reprimanded by the information provided and never being encouraged or built up. We, or I should say they, continue to preach all the things that we do wrong and if you miss a meeting, dont participate in field service, or kiss the other elders backsides, you are pickings for the vultures. I need optimism, encouragement, being upbuilt. I thought Jesus came to upbuild and bring hope to people. This is not happening in the congregation. I only see the ugly side that is so well hid from many others. I wish I could provide details of how I have caught elders in lies, confronting them and then nothing happening except for a backhanded apology. I wish I could tell of the ones who have committed great sins and they were public knowledge, but was always overlooked because they had money, power, influence. I wish I could tell of the standards everyone is held to that are manipulated from person to person based on who you are, who you have dinner with, who makes the loudest noise if things dont go there way, who drives the nice car in field service, or who has the big house with the fancy dinner parties for the priveleged few. I wish I could share in detail but most of you see it or have seen it in your experiences as well.
I appreciate the opportunity to let go of my frustrations here with ones who have similar experiences. I have shared some of this with my wife and although she tries to be supportive and listen, she still defends that we could go nowhere else and receive what we do. I know that what holds her back from a potential fade is also the family issue as well, her immediate family is very important to her and she would suffer greatly to lose that.
With that said, I will continue to sit in between my rock and hard place, watching ever intently at the way things progress. I will drop the real truth when opportunities arise, as I have been for the last year or so. And I will continue to keep on the watch for my opportunity to crush that rock.
P.S. I would like to say that there is an entire list of people I could say thanks to from reading here. I would mention everyone by name as to what you have brought, but it would take forever.