Almost_Did_It

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Posts by Almost_Did_It

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  10

  How to live the Disfellowshipped lifestyleI

  by joelingeorgia in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  it is my feeling that no other group of people face a life quite like those of us who are shunned by our family and social network.

  of friends.

  the loss of both of these at the same time can do a enormous amount of emotional damage.

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  Almost_Did_It

  Well... I was never disfellowshipped... because I was never baptized... I almost did it, like my user name says... but not doing it doesn't make it any easier to lose friends. I was involved in and out since 2004, almost to the point of baptism, but something held me back...

  Regardless, I made some great friends and emotionally, losing that canmraderie has taken its toll on my psyche... I keep looking for a logical why but there is not logical why... I keep thinking it makes no sense to have friends that you shared a lot with over 5 years to step out of your life... I have done everything that the other posters have said to do... but every now and then my melancholy self comes back and I try to figure things out again and I get all emotional and I want to go back to those friendships... then I have a moment of clarity and I realize that I am better off without them... they dragged me down... they weakened my defenses and my ability to be strong without them... I need to be strong without them... it doesn't matter what they are doing anymore... no one cares... they are a bunch of deadbeats who only cared about me because they sucked me in... Now, if I can just get myself to believe that all the time... maybe I need medication...
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  17

  Do you ever shed the Jw experience?

  by AK - Jeff in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i have been out for 5 years.

  my wife and i left together.

  she saw the sham long before i did - though neither of us could 'put our finger on' what was wrong until we read coc, found the internet, etc.. i believe my wife leans toward atheism more than i do - i consider myself agnostic of the whole matter at this point.

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  Almost_Did_It

  I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to have been an active JW for such a large part of your life, leaving, and then trying to understand the feelings (good or bad) that remain after you're out... I was only in for a little over three years -- the last two attending meetings and studying regularly... I never made it to baptism.

  My family falling apart was what finally made me step back and look seriously at what I was doing... I made the decision to move away at the same time that several other life-changing events occured... Regardless, those who were my friends and study participants totally abandoned me... they are nowhere to be found. We shared our lives and I shared my innermost feelings with these people, and they are gone. I not only sometimes wonder if abandoning the truth was the right thing to do... confusion reigns in my head on most days... But, the extreme logic that goes along with abandoning people who you "pretend" to care about is unfathomable to me...

  When I grieve, I grieve for those relationships that I was deluded into believing were real friendships ... that's the part that I cannot shed, no matter how hard I try...
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  5

  God, then Family, then Congregation...

  by Almost_Did_It in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  first i need to say that reading and being part of this online community is addicting... i keep telling myself to not read anything here because it just brings that bad taste back in my mouth... i tell myself that if i don't read the posts and occassionally post myself, that i will slowly start to forget everything i know or have learned about jws... but i can't seem to stay away long enough to have that happen... am i nuts, or what?.

  anyway, one thing i have been thinking a lot about is something my study conductor used to say to me... that jws always, always put jehovah first, then they concentrate next on family, and, lastly, on the congregation... if all that is true, then why not just leave the rest of us alone... if your priorities are in this order, and the general population isn't even mentioned, then why chase us down, knocking on our doors trying to evangelize to us if you only care about the three things mentioned above... seems somewhat hypocritical to me.... you say you care about me but i am not one of the top three choices!

  and then you talk about family being your second priority but in a second you are ready to cut ties and not speak to them if elders in the congregation determine that they are a "bad association.

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  Almost_Did_It

  First I need to say that reading and being part of this online community is addicting... I keep telling myself to not read anything here because it just brings that bad taste back in my mouth... I tell myself that if I don't read the posts and occassionally post myself, that I will slowly start to forget everything I know or have learned about JWs... but I can't seem to stay away long enough to have that happen... am I nuts, or what?

  Anyway, one thing I have been thinking a lot about is something my study conductor used to say to me... that JWs always, always put Jehovah first, then they concentrate next on family, and, lastly, on the congregation... If all that is true, then why not just leave the rest of us alone... If your priorities are in this order, and the general population isn't even mentioned, then why chase us down, knocking on our doors trying to evangelize to us if you only care about the three things mentioned above... seems somewhat hypocritical to me...

  You say you care about me but I am not one of the top three choices! And then you talk about family being your second priority but in a second you are ready to cut ties and not speak to them if elders in the congregation determine that they are a "bad association." It's hypocritical... plain and simple... Where does Jesus do that in the Bible... my God, he would have been disfellowshipped in a minute saying things like, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" to save someone from death... or speak to the Samaritan woman at the well (wouldn't that be a bad association), or dealing with lepers and others who have been ostracized by the rest of the community...

  How can they say they are spreading love and believe only in love and then restrict it to say that it only holds meaning if you are in the congregation... Did Jesus say he would only love people if they abandoned their families and followed him around Galillee? No... he did not...

  So hypocritical.... and so pissed that I fell for it...
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  43

  how hard is it to move on?...lose everyone?...start new???

  by oompa in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have already lost nearly all my friends....maybe just a handful will even be social........but i so hate to lose my mom and dad and my jw son.....one is df......so he still shows that he loves me.....but damm........i so hate to lose the little bit of fam i have left.......is that normal?......stupid question.....i guess i know from my time here....i so hate these guys that can take them away.....oompa.

  i know a bunch of you have done it.....just please help me through it...........

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  Almost_Did_It

  I cannot even begin to compare myself with many of thje posters here, as I was never baptized, or had become a regular participant in meetings, assemblies, and what not... but, that aside, I still have those feelings of being denied friends that I had made over the past two years... the anger, uncertainty, the "what on earth did I do to deserve this," feelings just don't seem to want to go away.

  I know that I was love-bombed." Logically it makes perfect sense that this is what happened. When you sit and logically entertain that fact, it all makes logical sense (I use the words logically and logic alot). But there's no logic whatsoever in the JWs way of thinking. I made about half a dozen friends in my two years of study and attending meetings about 1-2x per month. I considered my study conductor one of my best friends... why wouldn't I? We talked daily, we worked out, we studied... we were friends for two years before study began...

  Having been "almost in" for only two years does not make losing people any easier... I think about it daily, and the only saving grace is that I found out in two short years versus the lifetime that many posters have dealt with or are dealing with...

  They are outright liars... when I tell myself that, I feel better. And, they must lie to themselves, convincing themselves that they are better off without my friendship... it makes no sense... but, every day is a bit better... I think of going to a meeting every now and then to see these people who I thought were important in my life, but then my logic convinces me that it's not the right think to do.

  My JW freinds and especially my study conductor/friend has made their choice and feelings very clear. It saddens me that they have done this to me. Now, the healthiest thing for me to do is drop this. If I continue to think about it, it will only bring me more heartache. If I did go to the Hall and my "friend" responds to me in a positive way, I will be right back where I was. I will never know if his re-acceptance of me was for friendship or personnal advancement for him within the WT ranks.

  I know that I have other friends and family members (that I almost lost) that love me and value our friendships, and I don't want to agonize over this anymore. For my own health and well being, I am letting go and cutting my ties. As far as I am concerned, it there is any loss here, it is his loss and up to him to repair.

  I am trying very hard to look forward to new opportunities and new friends and stick with the ones that have stuck by me.

  Almost_Did_It
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  19

  I think I understand... I am being shunned...

  by Almost_Did_It in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i think i finally realize whats been happening... as i said earlier, i almost took the plunge knee-deep into becoming a jw... i had many confrontations with my wife and others in my family, but i still continued to push forward.... .

  itd been almost 2 years since i first was indoctrinated and 1.5 years since i have been studying... i studied with a friend who was also a co-worker.

  we studied before or after work because it was convenient for us both.. .

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  Almost_Did_It

  Let me straighten things out a bit... In a previous thread, I mentioned that we were friends and co-workers for about 2 years before the study started... now that it's over clearly, so am I (as a friend, that is). PPL told me that this could happen years ago, but it defied logic in my mind. How can someone that you become close personal friends with behave in such a controlled, robotic way? It makes it seem as though JWs are void of emotion; else, how could they disassociate themselves so readily without signs of visible remorse. I have tried to contact this individual see what's up but have not been successful... I feel at this point that he has clearly made his feelings know and his choice of no longer being my friend by his actions... I don't understand it... it defies logic... it is totally non-Christian... it just makes no sense to any educated person...

  Now, it is time for me to forget this and move on... Thank you for letting me spout... (If I ever see him again, I will smack the crap out of him...)
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  19

  I think I understand... I am being shunned...

  by Almost_Did_It in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i think i finally realize whats been happening... as i said earlier, i almost took the plunge knee-deep into becoming a jw... i had many confrontations with my wife and others in my family, but i still continued to push forward.... .

  itd been almost 2 years since i first was indoctrinated and 1.5 years since i have been studying... i studied with a friend who was also a co-worker.

  we studied before or after work because it was convenient for us both.. .

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  Almost_Did_It

  I think I finally realize what’s been happening… As I said earlier, I almost took the plunge knee-deep into becoming a JW… I had many confrontations with my wife and others in my family, but I still continued to push forward…

  It’d been almost 2 years since I first was indoctrinated and 1.5 years since I have been studying… I studied with a “friend” who was also a co-worker. We studied before or after work because it was convenient for us both.

  Seven weeks ago, I left my place of employment for another position… I have heard nothing from the study conductor since then. Seems like since the convenience is gone, so am I and so is the study, and, unfortunately, so is the friendship I thought we had :(

  My study buddy told me routinely that I needed to study more and start attending more meetings and what not. Just prior to me leaving, I told him I still wasn’t totally sure about everything…

  So, I left my position, don’t have the chance to see him anymore, and this has happened… It’s been almost 8 weeks with no contact.

  I finally understand… I think I am being shunned… too many questions... too long a time to study… who cares about the friendship… I think I became a “bad association” as they call it… huh????

  No contact at all after 2+ years of friendship and study…

  Where in the Bible does it say that it’s OK to treat another human being this way… Show me the examples in the Bible detailing how Jesus shunned people… show me, please…
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  11

  Why do JWs think they are "better" than the rest of us?

  by Almost_Did_It in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  why is it that the majority of witnesses seem to think they are "better" than the rest of us... i almost became an unbaptized publisher... i say almost... i was in and out for about 2 years, but always felt that the members of the congregation looked down on me... what is that all about?

  how does that kind of behavior correlate to loving your neighbor and exuding love all the time... they talk about intense love and the condition of your heart... well, if the condition of their hearts is that they think and feel that they are better than everybody else, that just don't jive.... another question... anybody know how to get in touch with ex-jws in their geographic area> it would be great to talk to someone face-to-face :).

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  Almost_Did_It

  Why is it that the majority of Witnesses seem to think they are "better" than the rest of us... I almost became an unbaptized publisher... I say almost... I was in and out for about 2 years, but always felt that the members of the congregation looked down on me... what is that all about? How does that kind of behavior correlate to loving your neighbor and exuding love all the time... they talk about intense love and the condition of your heart... well, if the condition of their hearts is that they think and feel that they are better than everybody else, that just don't jive...

  Another question... anybody know how to get in touch with ex-JWs in their geographic area> It would be great to talk to someone face-to-face :)