I had all the symptoms of CFS when I went off of my hypothyroid meds. Now that I'm back on, I'm fine. Thyroid is one of those things that doctors can miss, (or not treat properly) that can cause people problems.
bluecanary
JoinedPosts by bluecanary
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Hey, maybe this is why JW's are worn out and miserable- Chronic Fatigue
by OnTheWayOut ini made a comment about chronic fatigue syndrome (cfs) on another thread about why all pioneers seem to get sick, but i thought that cfs might deserve a thread of it's own.. i remember one pioneer who said she had "chronic fatigue syndrome.
" she read it in the awake and she decided she had it.
it was a syndrome that the doctors cannot prove or disprove, it is a syndrome that explains exhaustion when the other jw's say there is nothing wrong with you.. gathering information not from awake could be a real eye-opener to people like her.
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My Story
by ~Jen~ ini was raised a jw by very strict parents who, in my early teen years were physically and then later emotionally abusive all the while with my dad being and elder (and he still is).
i didn't want to be a jw then but my life was all about making my parents happy which started with me being baptized at 13. my parents constantly drilled into my head that most things were "bad" and i was "bad" i constantly did whatever i could to avoid being bad.
i had no life but then met a nice jw boy when i was 17. against my better judgement, i stayed with him and married him when i was 20. i didn't have a lot in common with him but he was really nice and was safe - he was a witness and even though i wanted to be in the world so bad i chose to be with him because he would keep me grounded, in the truth and away from where i really wanted to be because it was the right thing to do.. we were married for 7 years and have 3 sons.. for the past few years i've known that i did not want to be a jw even more and was sick of being fake.
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bluecanary
Honey that crap your family put you through is ABUSE! Congratulations on getting out of there. Please, please find yourself a good therapist so you can work through this stuff. Having a loving boyfriend is great, but he can't do it all by himself. Find a caring professional who can help you, too.
It helps your peace of mind, upon leaving the witnesses due to personal issues, to do a little research into the inaccuracy of their teachings. This thread has some of my research into the matter.
A good book: 10 Stupid Things Women do to Mess Up Their Lives.
WELCOME!
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bluecanary
I posted this on another thread. This type of person irritates me:
I remember what Dad said once, that some people have all life's answers worked out the day they're born and there's no use trying to teach them anything new. "They're closed for business even though, somewhat confusingly, their doors open at eleven, Monday through Friday," Dad said. And the trying to change what they think, the attempt to explain, the hope they'll come to see your side of things, it was exhausting, because it never made a dent and afterward you only ached unbearably.
Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl
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The antidote for Toxic people in your life...
by Gregor inas a person who does not believe in an afterlife, i appreciate that my years are numbered and i am going to do my best not to waste them.
i have resolved to rid myself of toxic relationships.
do have them in your life?.
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bluecanary
I absolutely agree with this Gregor, and since you brought it up, I want to draw a distinction between removing toxic people from your life and shunning as practised by the JWs. When you decide to stop associating with a toxic person it is becuase of the negative, draining effect they have on YOU. It is usually due to an issue that you have brought to their attention, but they are unable or unwilling to change. At this point you must protect yourself and do what is healthy for you. If you run into them in the future, you are polite. You hope they get their life together, but you're not willing to keep sacrificing your own sanity while they're not even working trying to fix things.
This is different from shunning because the group you belong to tells you that you must. It is different than cutting someone out of your life because you disagree with the choices they've made when those choices have no effect on you. It's different from refusing to even speak to someone because they hold a different religious view.
There are times when it's good to stop associating with someone. Friendship is NOT unconditional. You have the responsibility to nurture yourself and not let anyone walk all over you.
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Status: Compromised. Not much time left.
by sd-7 insomething terrible happened.
i did something to compromise myself and unfortunately my double agent status is over.
i will soon have to move out on my own and either disassociate or face an invasive witch trial that i honestly would only take part in for the purpose of secretly recording it.
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bluecanary
I'm sorry guys. I'm sorry for everyone who has been through crap like that. I want to hurt people like that.
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Is your boss an office tyrant?
by bluecanary inthere's an article on yahoo!
's front page about "terrible office tyrants"; how to spot them and what to do about them.
i thought it eerily applicable to the wts, and have rewritten it accordingly.. the original article is here: http://finance.yahoo.com/career-work/article/107637/is-your-boss-an-office-tyrant?.html.
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bluecanary
There's an article on Yahoo!'s front page about "Terrible Office Tyrants"; how to spot them and what to do about them. I thought it eerily applicable to the WTS, and have rewritten it accordingly.
The original article is here: http://finance.yahoo.com/career-work/article/107637/is-your-boss-an-office-tyrant?.html
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If you've been hitting the snooze button lately on weekend mornings instead of hitting the streets for witnessing-or find yourself avoiding answering the phone so you don't have to make an excuse for why you weren't at the meeting, you may just be part of an HCG, that is a "High Control Group."
HCGs are organizations that act strikingly similar to sociopaths. Why does this happen? Because we're all "imperfect" and behind the Christian façade are narcissistic men who act out and can't moderate their power.
An HCG likes to present itself as sheep-like-a big dumb, fluffy, animal that does whatever it's told. Still, their doctrine changes, contradictions and apostate witch hunts can make you want to crawl to the nearest church or put pentagrams on your front door. Regardless of which type of HCG you are part of, HCGs are an impediment to your life, leaving you to wonder whether you live in a free country or communist China.
Booting an HCG out of the temple
The first step is spotting an HCG. At first glance, your organization's unloving behaviors can be mistaken for human "imperfection." But after a while, you'll observe a pattern. Fortunately, by recognizing the parallel between their love of piling regulations on people and how the Pharisees operated, you'll discover the same position in the Kingdom of God holds true for both of them.
With some keen insights, you can metaphorically boot these megalomaniacs out of God's spiritual temple just like Jesus did with the money changers. You can maneuver around the most unChristlike and unmerciful behavior with your newfound disregard for their authority, some practice lying and a lot of logic. You can conquer your HCG and thrive in your spiritual life.
HCG Proofing your life
Mainstream religions are not particularly fond of HCGs either. Authoritarian sects sap people's love of God and destroy their faith. I advise legitimate religions to HCG-proof their flocks by making them aware of indoctrination techniques-so that individuals can ask questions and study the Bible freely. Where HCGs lurk, so does loss of free will, free thought and free choice. Conversely, a firm dedication to being HCG-free is successful, worth working for, as evidenced by countless persons who have asked questions, chosen their own faith and worship how they want to (or not) without repercussion.
So how can you deflect the efforts of your HCG to control every detail of your life? Here are the five hallmarks of an HCG and tips on becoming free of them:
The Five HCG Hallmarks
Tantrums
You fall short of the expected service hours per month. So your HCG leader hounds you to do more MORE MORE! He threatens to remove "privileges" if your hours do not improve. Assessing the situation rationally and opening a constructive dialogue is not in the cards. These HCG leaders will consider that a sign that you are not being submissive.
HCG-Deflecting tips:
- Determine the best time of day and day of the week to approach your HCG leader. Preferably when he's not home and you can leave a message with one of his little kids who won't get it right, but then it won't be your fault.
- When you sense the fireworks are happening, don't hang around for the show. Claim a chemical smell (Sister Hairspray right in front of you is a convenient ally) in the Kingdom Hall is giving you asthma and you must leave immediately. If you are dragged into the back room, let your HCG leader vent. Never contradict him. It won't matter if you obey or not as long as you make it sound like you're in complete agreement.
- Consider the acronym CALM: communicate, anticipate, laugh, and manage. Communicate to your buddy the PO that you saw this other HCG leader, who's been causing you problems, leaving a Holiday Inn parking lot with a woman not his wife. Anticipate that if the PO is related to you, there's a good chance a JC will be formed on this other leader. Laugh because he totally deserves it. Manage to lie on your next service report.
Demanding
You're voicemail has crashed with 127 messages saying the elders would like to meet with you "just to talk." Finally, the elders drop by your house and say "What's with no response?" The need for control, desire for perfection and concern about pressures to keep membership numbers up can spur your HCG leaders to try to determine if you're just a weak, lost sheep worth goading into more activity or a dangerous, slobbering apostate.
HCG-deflecting tips:
- Defy expectations by promising to be more regular at meetings. When they give you a reading assignment, give them an estimate of how long you usually spend reading these materials in the bathroom.
- Let them know you are feeling overwhelmed by all the love they are showing you.
- Upon successful completion of the "shepherding visit" tell the hounders how this session has helped you to set a realistic goal to more fully accomplish your ministry.
Needy
Your HCG has sold billions of books and magazines, enslaving millions of people to their wacky doctrines and rules. Why then, do they need your constant praise that they did a good job? They publish magazines that say things like, "Aren't you so grateful that we published this, you could just wet yourself?" They display separation anxiety when you miss occasional meetings. Many HCGs require a lot of attention and reassurance of total subjugation and some elders can also be micro-managers.
HCG-Deflecting tips:
- Reassure your hounders that you have no independence and reinforce your awe in their competence at figuring out things like, if you're female, Jesus doesn't want you to wear pants.
- Put a plan together to strategize how to avoid the excessive workloads they try to place on you just to boast even more.
- Help the elders know that other people have not been very appreciative of the wonderful spiritual food they've received-unlike you. Provide names.
Stubborn
A much-used word for this type of HCG is "no," as they assert their power. They are also heard saying things like "submission," "apostate lies," "keeping the congregation clean," and so on. Their regulations may harm people, but nevertheless, the declarations have been made. For many stubborn HCGs, mercy takes them out of their comfort zone. In other cases, they feel it diminishes their authority.
HCG-Deflecting tips:
- Use lots of HCG jargon to relax your leaders into thinking you're obedient to their idiotic rules.
- Know that it's easier for HCGs to be more flexible if there's a lawsuit headed to them.
- Offer choices and compromises that their legal department can't pass up.
Distracted
You attempt to speak to an HCG leader about some of your doubts. Three hours later, not only has he completely ignored your questions, he's gone on a diatribe about how other religions teach the trinity, a subject you hadn't brought up at all. HCGs like this suffer from SMD-Straw Man Disorder. They're only interested in discussing subject they feel confident they can shoot down and will switch to these topics to distract themselves and you from the real question.
HCG-Deflecting tips:
- Make communications compelling. Force them to remain on topic.
- Add a pinch of excitement. Suggest that your question has to do with "new light" a friend from Bethel told you about. Use humor to assure the elder that you were only joking when they question your loyalty to the organization.
- Manage interruptions. Schedule formal meetings in the back room at the Kingdom Hall. Bring a tape recorder so you have proof of how it went down when they DF your ass.
There's a good chance that you've encountered persons indoctrinated by an HCG in your life; maybe you're even indoctrinated yourself. Just remember, every one "sins and falls short." And once they wake up to the indoctrination, they can act like humans show the world what's really behind that HCG's façade.
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This is frustrating
by bluecanary ini'm filling out an application to volunteer with big sisters.
they want references.
specifically: "please type or print information requested for three references that are non-family members who have known you well on a personal basis for at least two years.
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bluecanary
What about "worldly" neighbors from where you used to live? Or former employers / co-workers?
Being the excellent Dub that I was, I never spoke to neighbors and had no personal relationship with co-workers at all. Hooray for isolation!
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Status: Compromised. Not much time left.
by sd-7 insomething terrible happened.
i did something to compromise myself and unfortunately my double agent status is over.
i will soon have to move out on my own and either disassociate or face an invasive witch trial that i honestly would only take part in for the purpose of secretly recording it.
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bluecanary
That @#(*$ slapped you? If you're old enough to be kicked out of the house, you're too old for corporal punishment. What the HELL made her think that was ok to do?
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This is frustrating
by bluecanary ini'm filling out an application to volunteer with big sisters.
they want references.
specifically: "please type or print information requested for three references that are non-family members who have known you well on a personal basis for at least two years.
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bluecanary
I'm filling out an application to volunteer with Big Sisters. They want references. Specifically: "Please type or print information requested for three references that are non-family members who have known you well on a personal basis for at least two years. Please provide complete mailing addresses and phone numbers." The bolding is theirs. This isn't just filling out a form to check your handwriting. They intend to call these people and check up on me.
I left the b0rg one year ago and moved to a new state. I have no contact with anyone in my former life except family, who left with me. My old "friends" wouldn't give me the time of day if I knew their current contact info, which I don't. The only references I can give now, I've known only 10 months. I have to call and find out if that will be good enough.
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So long and thanks for all the fish.
by reniaa inhere is a goodbye thread for people who have decided to move on and leave jwn.
posting a message for everyone or just some..
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bluecanary
Read an apt quote this morning:
I remember what Dad said once, that some people have all life's answers worked out the day they're born and there's no use trying to teach them anything new. "They're closed for business even though, somewhat confusingly, their doors open at eleven, Monday through Friday," Dad said. And the trying to change what they think, the attempt to explain, the hope they'll come to see your side of things, it was exhausting, because it never made a dent and afterward you only ached unbearably.
Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl