Posts by CrimsonBleu

I am not out to control anything, and yes Mom has a right to her say over her own money. Sister A doesn't think so. If you want to get all legal (as you should) then she (sister A) has no legal right to declare she is Mom's spokesman and is the one in charge of Mom's Money. Mom and I talked about this at great length yesterday, and today some additions and changes will begin to take place. Mom is on my lease. Mom recieves her SSA statements here. Mom's Medical Alert system is tied to this address. We don't need a sole outside banker, especially one who chastises me for a decision Mom made to loan her grandsons a few bucks.

My problem with all this is within myself, and the feelings of hatered I was developing. Those are very alien feelings to me. I was taken aback by my own emotions...that my own sister could possibly invoke that much rage....it had been building up. Carrying that secret about her conversation with Sister B was very difficult for me. I don't like hiding things and carrying dark thoughts.

I told God I can't love her right now and I need Him to do it for me till I found peace. That is the best I can do for my own peace of mind.

Thank you for your input. And above and beyond all that, may you be blessed with peace as well.

29

I Hate My Sister and Am Becoming "Seething and Hateful" Like She Says! Help!

by CrimsonBleu in

jw
friends

this isnt the first time i have posted about problems with one or more of my sisters.

but i need resolve:.

i am disassociated, and have been free for over 25 years.

CrimsonBleu

I feel so much better tonight than I did when I woke up this morning...thanks to all who have helped me sort this out from a 3rd party perspective.

I talked with Mom tonight. Her ID still has her old address on it from where she lived before she lived here with me, and I have to get that changed. I did not know. My sister A said she was going to take Mom to get her address changed last year when we moved here, and it never happened, I have Moms Social Security statement and the lease, which show Mom lives with me, and can take that to the bank. Mom wants to tell them to add me to her account. I told Mom I just want equality, and she agrees, and this nonsense needs to stop. Once SA knows she cannot pull my strings, maybe this will all go away...until the next wave...and God only knows what and when that will be.

I am going to draw that line Grandma Jones! Thank you all. May you be blessed in abundance of Peace and conentment, health and wellbeing for paying mind to my pain. It has diminished substantially, and I can look forward to making my stand to be a good daughter and allow Mom her peace and space to be herself.

29

I Hate My Sister and Am Becoming "Seething and Hateful" Like She Says! Help!

by CrimsonBleu in

jw
friends

this isnt the first time i have posted about problems with one or more of my sisters.

but i need resolve:.

i am disassociated, and have been free for over 25 years.

CrimsonBleu

"do NOT use this to transfer control of your mother's money to YOU, because that would appear to be malicious and conniving on your part."

I don't intend to take control...I would like equal access. In fact, now that I think of it, I believe my name may still be on her account from years ago. I will have to see. But should Mom go ahead and have her staements sent to this address?

29

I Hate My Sister and Am Becoming "Seething and Hateful" Like She Says! Help!

by CrimsonBleu in

jw
friends

this isnt the first time i have posted about problems with one or more of my sisters.

but i need resolve:.

i am disassociated, and have been free for over 25 years.

CrimsonBleu

Scully, thank you! I think a trip to the bank is indeed in order.

I am concerned that the folks at the bank may think I am the one coercing her if I take her to the bank. I think Mom can handle this emotionally because it would settle an issue.

Would it be right if I simply put in a Change of Address request with the post office? And can I get a Power of Attorney without my sisters involvement?

Thank you, and thank all who have helped me here. This is taking an enormous load off me and Ifeel lighter. I have also prayed, asked God to take this burden away, told him that right now I cannot love my sister, and asked him to do it for me until I can regain my own peace of mind again.

29

I Hate My Sister and Am Becoming "Seething and Hateful" Like She Says! Help!

by CrimsonBleu in

jw
friends

this isnt the first time i have posted about problems with one or more of my sisters.

but i need resolve:.

i am disassociated, and have been free for over 25 years.

CrimsonBleu

Scully: (I wish I knew how to do the quote thing!!)

Mom is aware, and it hurts her that this is going on. She does not like being put it the middle of things like this. My sister targets me, and is using Mom as a pawn. SA was counting on me keeping this to myself....and mom not knowing for it would upset her. That is what I normally do...and it is festering...Well, it did upset Mom, but Mom needed to know

I agree the responsibilties are to be shared, not lorded over. And why am I not privy to Mom's bannk account?

Mom is afraid to say anything to SA. Yes, she does hold the key to all this, but feels akward in telling her daughter SA her feelings. SA is very domineering and if you disagree with her, you can expect trouble. That is the control thing. She is not mean or abusive, just controlling. Persausive, and her energy keeps anyone from getting too close to her. If I stand up to SA (oh she hates it) and I have, she twists what I say. She misses the point and makes something different in her favor. That is why I want her off my back. This is why I cut the money coming in...told her to put Moms money in an account and just leave it there, I do not want it. I told her I resented her for trying to control me through Mom's money.

I believe a third party should be handling it...that takes blame and accusation off of both of us.

29

I Hate My Sister and Am Becoming "Seething and Hateful" Like She Says! Help!

by CrimsonBleu in

jw
friends

this isnt the first time i have posted about problems with one or more of my sisters.

but i need resolve:.

i am disassociated, and have been free for over 25 years.

CrimsonBleu

Let me address Rodbar first:

"Crimson, if there isn't a Power of Attorney, how is it that your sister is able to do business in your mother's name? And if your mother is competent, why hasn't she taken back control of her financial affairs? I do agree with you that if your mother is competent, there is no need for your sister to be meddling in her affairs or making negative judgments when your mother decides to lend your sons money and yet she seems to be doing so, AND with your mother's permission. This story seems to be missing other pertinent information."

Mom is 84, and had a few surgeries, making getting around tough, but doable. Mom is comptetent enough to carry on with her daily activities and such for the most part, but since the surgeries, SA has been the one to do her bill paying for her and has just done it since. I moved here about two tears ago to assist. Mom had her own apt at that time. SA would always write out Moms rent and bills each month, and continues to do so today.

Mom fell and was hopsitalized. I moved her in with me to recover and she was able to return to her independant life in her apartment about a month later. At that time, my husband and I determined that Mom should be under watcful eye (when she fell, she called me and could not get up off the floor). So we found a bigger house and moved her in and she has her own room, bath and plenty of space to call her own, and she is safe and sound here. SA still continued to pay Mom's bills etc, and that is where the part comes in that I state that she insisted we take money as moms contribution to our houseld. This was her saying that and Mom wanted that too. SA has always been the one to cut the check. No POA, but I do believe her name is on Moms account. Mom has not had the responsibilty of paying her own bills for a few years now, SA has just helped her and did it for her. SA is still banker. Mom doesn't get much...just a little over 1000.00. She has no other assts or any other sources of income.

SA was angry that Mom let one son have 60.00 and the other 35.00 for a trip 80 miles away for a job they were doing. (Each had a separate project, and she happily let them take her debit card to the bank to get the money. Son 1 bought 35.00 in gas for the trip, son 2 got 40.00 cash, and some eats and drinks. total about 95.00. All with Moms blessing.

Remember, I was SA's target...the money thing tripped her trigger.....again. This has happened on other occassions but it's getting old.

Mom is aware of what is going on and it is stressing her out. You see, Mom feels like she is causing the problems..she feels responsible, and and we (sisters) get into something like this, she wants to crawl under a log and hide! That's just mom! Always neutral, always equal, alwyas loving and fair. She didn't care if SA handled her money, she trusts her...and so do I for the most part, but I am starting to wonder.....So all this is weighing heavy on her now. Yes, she knows. I had to tell her becasuse SA said maybe it was high time she.....she....move mom out of my home and either move her in with her (no go, she can't handle it) or put her in a nursing home. Yes, she said that. She is saying that to hurt me. She told me that if I were in control of Moms money, it would all be gone.

I never needed it, but took it on insistance, and just made a more pleasant atmosphere, and bought flowers and all the things mom loves with the extra money.

I know you see just my side, and there are always two. But God as my witness, I speak from the ehart. Thanks for taking your time to offer your input.