Nice to make your acquaintance, Bebu. I am a never-JW who spends a lot of time with an active JW. I can tell you that your instincts are dead-on, and keep doing what you are doing. The biggest thing I have learned in the last few years is that progress is painfully slow. The power of the society over its members can not be overestimated. Since they specialize in mental and emotional manipulation to bully members in to staying, you must be the opposite. Never use ultimatums or guilt to try to push your friend in one direction or another. Wherever possible, reaffirm that her love for God is genuine, and that she can make good decisions for her life on her own.
If you could give advice about what a non-JW should do (realizing I'm not her relative), what would you say?
What attitudes, actions, or words do you think made the biggest difference to you, from non-JWs?
If my honey finishes an argument with
nevermind, I count it as a “direct hit”. One question that worked was, “If a prophet says something is going to happen and it doesn’t, does that make him a false prophet?” With that said, steady faithful love reaps more in the long run.
Was it arguments?
I think asking “innocent” questions works well. If her answer sounds dumb, say “That’s just dumb.” Though she may deny your answer, sometimes the plain truth spoken plainly cuts deep. Some of the plain dumb doctrines that just cannot hold up to scrutiny include,
- The Faithful and Discreet Slave.
- Two classes of Christians - anointed and “other sheep”. Ask, for instance, which promises of Jesus your friend can claim...or are those promises just for the anointed? If so, why did Jesus and Peter and Paul and John write so many epistles for such a small group? Exactly how much of the bible is left for the “other sheep”, then?
- Christmas (pagan origin), Valentine’s Day (pagan origin), Easter (pagan origin), Thanksgiving (secular origin), Birthdays (Herod chopped John the Baptist’s head off) BAAAAAD. Wedding Rings (pagan origin) OK.
- Blood transfusions (eating blood) BAD. Bloody steak (eating blood) OK.
Was it something else?
I hear sometimes it is a sudden jolt; former friends turn ugly when a JW goes through a rough patch, a JW parent faces losing a child due to refusal of blood, rampant gossip at the hall, etc. etc. For your friend, the ending of her marriage may be the final straw. She will be very lonely once the organization starts shunning her. Your friendship will be very important then. Be available, be ready when she needs you.
What acts of kindness seemed the most important to you?
My honey responds very well to cookies. Food of any kind works well. Hugs. Hugs are good. The WTS boasts that they show love amongst themselves, but such “love” is highly conditional. As soon as someone appears “weak”, they become pariahs. The unconditional love that Christ taught us ordinary Christians is in very short supply at the KH, and will be very attractive to your JW friend.
What should be absolutely avoided, if possible?
The Trinity. What happens when you die. Such topics can be argued endlessly without resolution, because it cannot be proven based on outside evidence. i.e. “You die first, then come back, and tell me what it is like.”
Don’t try and get your friend in to church. Church is more eeevylll than the Adult section of your local Video store. If your prayer group goes for coffee, though, she might be open to that.
I totally agree with this statement,
I also strongly believe that by just being the best friend you can be and showing her that not all worldly people are bad and not all good people become witnesses this can help a lot.
