Butterflyleia85
JoinedPosts by Butterflyleia85
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36
Yes ANOTHER song thread. What song best describes you?
by awildflower inhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlptb6qgflk.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxiq-qvaseo.
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51
Of the sexual abuse survivors you knew. . .
by Lady Lee inhow many fit this description provided by no longer held captive?.
as a nurse, i can tell you that their lives wont go well.
usually abused females end up neurotics and suffer from personality disorders, and more often than not, anorexic.
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Butterflyleia85
I have a question is there a one book I could get to help me or with what you decribed above (about what you went through Lady Lee). Right now I Thank you so so so very much for opening up about this I can understand more clearly my insane actions (for the past three years). I for the first time on this board fully will admit I was sexually abused by my father too but fortunity my mother, doctors, police, and conselars told me I have a memory block of the incident that has helped me cope with the tramatic incident and because I was 5 it wouldn't be as hard on me (which was true up until, now when men started noticing me and started having relationships). Dad was my fatherfigure at the time who I looked up to and loved dearly but abused that love and well I feel I allowed alot of unessary abuse on myself with every instance I face especially with men.
Mom and I (my lil sis just a baby) were on the run because he threated to kidnap me. We stayed close to my grandparents who help raise me & my sister.
See I'm afraid weither I should have kids when I get married if I'd be a good mom. I also have emotional issues and problems moving on. I'm very clingy to my fiance and seriously I prob would die with out him. I still have a bet of problems with my self image, confidence, and especially decision making. I relie on my fiance so much for every move I make, he has treated me so well and with a ton more respect then any guy I met and I don't want to loose that. But I worry I will turn into my mom (she was remarried once and it wasn't pretty)... I don't want to scare him away and I want to train my (future) kids the right way. But somehow I feel I need a image (to beable to say I know myself) before I go into big steps like having kids and choicing a religion. And if I find this image will it affect my marriage like it lead to me getting DFed (I over came being shy & backwords after learning that men were actually attracted to me and life wasn't so scary as I made it to be, it was my turning point at age 21 and now I'm 24).
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51
Of the sexual abuse survivors you knew. . .
by Lady Lee inhow many fit this description provided by no longer held captive?.
as a nurse, i can tell you that their lives wont go well.
usually abused females end up neurotics and suffer from personality disorders, and more often than not, anorexic.
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Butterflyleia85
...After this I would not and could not enter into discussion with you as it could be very dangerous, and would only do so with another professional alongside
Sounds like my mom when I try to contact my dad (I was 18 when I first saw my dad, last time I saw him he was going to jail back when I was 5)... I called her over reactive as well. I get so confused still to this day... Was I over pretected??? Was it all real? It was so long ago... is my mom crazy or is my dad crazy... Am I crazy... Yeah today hasn't been a good day " I asked my dad if he'd like to come to my wedding and because I'm DFed he says I hurt my family..." "but he still wants to stay in contact with me because he wants me to always know he loves me" GOD HELP ME!!!
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23
If You Really Want to Bring Down Jehovah's Witnesses (for your peace of mind)
by AllTimeJeff inget them to think.. do you have loved ones?
friends?
stuck in the cult?.
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Butterflyleia85
I also found this had helpful suggestions. How do I open close minded people?
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13
The Complete Dubs Guide For Dummies
by God_Delusion inhello guy's, gal's and jehovah's witnesses,.
i would like to thank farkel for today's blog, for it was his post "dub for dummies" that inspired me to write (or you could say, digitally enhance farkel's fine work) the following;.
the complete dubs guide for dummies.
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Butterflyleia85
Ah hahaha!! to funny!!
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47
What are the outrageous things did the elders do to you?
by asilentone inthis is a true story, more than 10 years ago, i went to the memorial and there was a very hot bible student female.
we met each other, she gave me her phone number.
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Butterflyleia85
Spawn I hope your joking... ha there are tons virgins... Dude I didn't have my first kiss til I was 21. It sucked, guys never went up to me, my mom and grandma told me it was because I was so beautiful... bluh bluh bluh bluh but I didn't beleive them, we are taught to be humble anyways! Looks never matters it's your spirituality that counted! I swear I thought I'd die being a virgin... I looked at my friend who was beautiful single and 35 who still had no one to love and marry. It was sad. I never wanted that life!! Even if it ment sacrifising my future of "paradise earth".
nice and warm fuzzy feeling things and then proceeded to question my motives for getting baptized
Their good at that! It's so annoying to me... I found though there was only one elder ,I feel, that was truely genuine and it sucked cause he wasn't at my hall.
I do recall now one instance, it was when I was newly DFed. I was trying to be strong and go back to the meetings and get reinstated. I felt after talking to the Elders they would be supportive... OMG was I wrong it's like my spiritual family...members I have loved so dearly turned into evil stuck ups... I have now became the scum of the earth so I thought... I was trying to be so humble, I couldn't bare to even look at anyone, and was so scared to even say a WORD, (my grandma wanted me to ask for a KM) and OMG asking Elders anything was torture to me but I did it anyways... my predictions or uneasy feeling were correct he looked at me with anger and said "YOUR DISFELLOWSHIPPED AND CAN'T HAVE THE KM AND I AM NOT SPOST TO BE TALKING TO YOU" (honestly i don't know even if he said I could have the km but I asked a DFed friend and he told me that yeah we aren't allowed to have a KM). I didn't understand it and it hurt me so bad inside...
So that is probably the one of the most outrageous thing an elder done to me.
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47
What are the outrageous things did the elders do to you?
by asilentone inthis is a true story, more than 10 years ago, i went to the memorial and there was a very hot bible student female.
we met each other, she gave me her phone number.
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Butterflyleia85
ha funny. nope nothing to outrageous at my old hall (not attended for over a year now)... they just have been rude and embarassing before. Most of the time they are polite. Same ol Same ol... your world or opinion changes once your taken to the back room!!
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13
Help me get my mom out!!!!
by Aeiouy inyou didn't make yourself that way and you weren't "just born" that way.
your personality will be changed by the world, there is no getting around it.
i have loved you since before you were born.
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Butterflyleia85
Goldensky you said it so well... and your right. Aei.. I do know what you are going through and yes please becareful what you say to your mother. ...showing love and respect works wonders...
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47
What is the best thing you did to recover after leaving the JWs?
by Lady Lee ini often get inspiration for threads from pms from other posters.
here is one that i thought i would put out there to get your recommendations?.
what is the best thing you did?.
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Butterflyleia85
Well said Lady Lee!
I havent' really stopped contact with my family (with our strong love and them (mom, sister, & grandma) knowing nobody deserves being DFed), I fortunitely get to spend some time with them, enought to know they still love me & I can show I love them. Thank goodness though that my grandma has her sister that isn't a JW and shows love and care. For my mom, we are so close nothing can pull us apart. My sister I think is going through a growing process... I think all in all it takes time. During that time we (us DF or recoverers from leaving JW) just got to make sure we don't put our lives on hold... after such loss I remember I just stopped... stopped everything I enjoyed that benefited me... I quit school, I quit exercising, I stopped caring... caring about myself, caring about what to say, how to feel... I just let everything go! It wasn't good at all. I didn't even really notice either at the time, I just saw my world crumbling to peices and I didn't know how to stop it but on the other hand I didn't care to stop it.
I tried many times for the past two years to get back on track and all my attempts just seemed to unraval again! I knew something was missing and I couldn't understand how to get it or really what it was. I felled the emptiness with fixes or carefree fun. It doesnt work you can't ignore it, you have to solve it. I even got back in! I did as I was told... and still I felt unhappy! I felt forced... I knew I had my family I knew now my JW friends could talk to me freely but I still couldn't let go of the love and friendships that were still DF, it just felt wrong, unjust and I was angry in, I looked at others who were in and they were no better then the people out, at times it almost seemed the ones in were just more secretive or depressed or had this hugh wall like they convenced themselves they were happy... here I worked so hard to get back in and I knew it wasn't me. Honestly I couldn't put a finger on it but just saw myself go crazy inside again. And here again I was DFed I let myself get to me, my insides were screaming and they won... I thought but geez now I understand Job!! Ha But something wasn't right... I had to find answers!
Eduation! I totally agree! Once I came here and read read read I learned what I was feeling was a common feeling others had and it was normal... Thank GOD I was not going crazy!!
And my healing process truely began...
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47
What is the best thing you did to recover after leaving the JWs?
by Lady Lee ini often get inspiration for threads from pms from other posters.
here is one that i thought i would put out there to get your recommendations?.
what is the best thing you did?.
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Butterflyleia85
I did as palmtree67 did. It was the best for me for sure! Very encouraging words, great advice, and friendly/loving ppl touched my heart.
What is the best thing you did?
I for sure think keeping positive and never give up hope is the best... but if you do, yes seeking professional help or a good motivator (friend, family member) to talk to helps alot. I remember being so down I lost all hope and just wanted to die... it sad but true. It's when we feel we have no more control in our lives and just want to end it all. It's so important to get help!! and don't be ashamed because we all no matter how strong a person seems do need another person's help.
Was there something you did that wasn't worth the effort?
Don't feed on your sorrow it only gets worse... drinking (drowning in neverland), sex (seeking out affection), negitive envoriments (people, places, or being alone)... Get out and do something!!! Anything positive & benefital!!!
What would you recommend for others to try?
Well if they are coming here for sure that is a good step! I came here and keep posting... it is the words I needed to hear and it lead to something... it wasn't empty words or promises. If you seek help that is always good! (I use to have a problem with that, I felt I could do it myself and I found that it makes me no less of a person because I seeked help)