Posts by Butterflyleia85

61

Trying to talk to my mom - really discouraged, need help.

by rather be in hades in

jw
friends

so, i'm new here and i've decided to finally tell my mom the truth about jws.. and sorry for the long post.

i'm at my wits end.. here's some background:.

i grew p in a congregation in california, i'm not a born in, though i was raised in it from 5 - about 20. arond 20 i pretty mch faded out, bt the emotional ups and downs were jst all too much.

Butterflyleia85

I think you just gave her stuff to think about... but like overload info it will eventually fade and not matter.... (that's why meetings are drilled in their heads)

Anyways what I found truly affective is just being sensere from the heart... explain your worries but I suggest making it about us, we, and family! How important it is to you! Keep it real... I think you gave her enough to think about as far as JW stuff... make it about you and her.

If you focus on that and give her the space and time she needs... she may come around.

This info was for you... and with you finding the info you did, let her do the same. It just comes down to their personal conscience.

Keep all this info though, it so good you did all this, because when she makes a comment to you, you can use this to tactifully prove your point.

Right now what truely proves your "right" will be your actions, are you happy? are you living a healthy and good life? are you doing what you dreamed and what you always wanted to achieve? Here's where you can be seen as proof that there is life beyond the organization.

I share my feelings all the time with my mom and try and incourage her... showing her and sharing with her how I feel God has helped me find true happiness. That's what our mothers truly want is to see thier childern happy.

21

Help what should I tell my mom?!

by Butterflyleia85 in

jw
friends

little background.

i'm dfed been dfed for about 4 to 6 years if you include the first dfment and getting back in for 6 months then 2008 dfed second time.. i did alot of research in 2010 to now and well from getting dfed for a total different reason just makes me look like a sinner who is unrepentent in my family.

the only people who know my researching is mainly my sister and mom.. .

Butterflyleia85

I've read your story {rather be in hates}wow you have done alot of excellent research... take it from me I told my sister all of that and will now she won't speak to me. I informed my mom alot of what you said and she keeps silent. She doesn't want to know basicly too out of fear and confusion.

It's all good info but it will go over their heads. I have experienced that. It more like if something bothers them about the organization you can use that to your advantage and share a bet of what you learned and get her to think. I think that is why my mom is more understanding when I say things like I don't feel the organization has the truth. But for her she still has hope! I respect that... that just shows she has and wants faith in God... but sadly she hasn't reconized the organization is preventing her for the true love and compation God intended.

Small steps...

21

Help what should I tell my mom?!

by Butterflyleia85 in

jw
friends

little background.

i'm dfed been dfed for about 4 to 6 years if you include the first dfment and getting back in for 6 months then 2008 dfed second time.. i did alot of research in 2010 to now and well from getting dfed for a total different reason just makes me look like a sinner who is unrepentent in my family.

the only people who know my researching is mainly my sister and mom.. .

Butterflyleia85

Yes your right rather be in hades... I know she does. She's doing a tug of war right now. I just don't want to mess this up and I want her to be happy! :)

I want her to have all the time she needs. But also so some seeds in to give her something to think about... nothing to complex but just little info here and there.

I do recall leaving the COC book for her to read a year ago... I wonder if she's even looked at it. I'm not going to say anything about it but one day I hope she picks it up. It such a help in understanding what really goes on in the governing body headquarters.... also helps see the struggle and that they are men... blind leading the blind.

That's a different story though. ;)

Thanks agian rather be in hades! I'm reading your story as we speak btw.

21

Help what should I tell my mom?!

by Butterflyleia85 in

jw
friends

little background.

i'm dfed been dfed for about 4 to 6 years if you include the first dfment and getting back in for 6 months then 2008 dfed second time.. i did alot of research in 2010 to now and well from getting dfed for a total different reason just makes me look like a sinner who is unrepentent in my family.

the only people who know my researching is mainly my sister and mom.. .

Butterflyleia85

Excellent info Bill the Ex-Bethelite! I can defiantly use that for my mom... she asked me not to text my sister and was just talking to me to sort out her thoughts. So I will defiantly share the info to her. She will apressiate it. Though I wish I could give my sister my two cents... I wont.

I wish I could add "Mom my sister needs to turn her brain on and think as critically about WT teachings as she thinks critically about you" ha but I think it would go over her head cause my mom still needs to face the facts eventually (Truth about the truth as we mentioned two years ago Bill, you were my first post and well thanks for posting again!) or will I guess she can live inslaved depressed and single (she has worldly boyfriend right now).

I hope I can be as affective as you all have been for me.... you and others basicly saved my life. :)

21

Help what should I tell my mom?!

by Butterflyleia85 in

jw
friends

little background.

i'm dfed been dfed for about 4 to 6 years if you include the first dfment and getting back in for 6 months then 2008 dfed second time.. i did alot of research in 2010 to now and well from getting dfed for a total different reason just makes me look like a sinner who is unrepentent in my family.

the only people who know my researching is mainly my sister and mom.. .

Butterflyleia85

I already texted my sister that kind of information... blindnomore. It's like she's deleteing it or not regerstering what it really says.

Maybe I will reword it again the way you said it. But she's been ignoring my messages for a long time now. (from history when we were little I was always the good guy and she was the wild one getting into trouble a small part of me feels like she is enjoying the upper hand. and well she hated when i "treated her like her mother" or "i was always right".)

I only have my mom to reach my sister I feel.

Just now text my mom after she apoligied for she saying "sorry for putting distance between me and my sister" : No mom it's not your falt at all we always been this way infact if it wasn't for you we probably would have never seen eachother for these past few years.

It has always been this way it's just now she's blackmailing you and I feel she's partially jealous with all her dedication and sees how happy we are and not doing a thing for the organization. (I roull my eyes) ridiculous. but that's just my thoughts.

My mom's responce: She has her dad's personnality which he used his kids to blackmail the grandparents.

(I don't really like when my mom says that just because I think that's way my sister hates me. my mom doesn't favor me it's just my mom and sister just now are starting to understand eachothers feelings. being that my mom's a sweet tender soul and my sister has a get over it attitude and lets not talk about emotions.) Any ways it's a mess...

Thanks for alot of you guy's suggestions... I guess I will work on talking to my mom.

21

Help what should I tell my mom?!

by Butterflyleia85 in

jw
friends

little background.

i'm dfed been dfed for about 4 to 6 years if you include the first dfment and getting back in for 6 months then 2008 dfed second time.. i did alot of research in 2010 to now and well from getting dfed for a total different reason just makes me look like a sinner who is unrepentent in my family.

the only people who know my researching is mainly my sister and mom.. .

Butterflyleia85

I mentioned that to her in the past and it went over her head. She doesn't care about doctrines lol weird but yeah I think alot of that stuff she feels 'faithful and discret slave class' is working out the kinks. I first would have to convence her how important this date was to our own born in religion before she would be like oh wow! She more thribes on social fellowship and this has been our upbringing and this is all we know as the Truth. The fear of researching is great.

21

Help what should I tell my mom?!

by Butterflyleia85 in

jw
friends

little background.

i'm dfed been dfed for about 4 to 6 years if you include the first dfment and getting back in for 6 months then 2008 dfed second time.. i did alot of research in 2010 to now and well from getting dfed for a total different reason just makes me look like a sinner who is unrepentent in my family.

the only people who know my researching is mainly my sister and mom.. .

Butterflyleia85

not enough. she makes exuces like the rest (brainwashed JW) for all the bad that's happened... no one actually reasoned with her and she is not curious enought to find out. she doesn't like the bad name on the organization and wants to see her dad (who died a spiritual elder and was a daddy's lil girl) on paradise earth... so I think that's what holds her in. she just has really low self asteem no help to her ex abusive husband (my dad who's still a JW never been DFed and well carries himself like he does no evil) and my grandma well isn't much help either... she's better now but she knocks her down alot for every thing she does, her job, her weight, her friends, her lack there of, etc (my grandma's personality)... My mom just has that negitivity all around and it's got to her brain. Sooo now my sister's pulling this and I just like man why does she have to make things worse.

Thank you under the radar that is what I been trying to always get across to her is I love her and will be there for her... as far as telling her about jesus I think I need scriptures. I may mention the Awake article in person to her as a suggestion.

21

Help what should I tell my mom?!

by Butterflyleia85 in

jw
friends

little background.

i'm dfed been dfed for about 4 to 6 years if you include the first dfment and getting back in for 6 months then 2008 dfed second time.. i did alot of research in 2010 to now and well from getting dfed for a total different reason just makes me look like a sinner who is unrepentent in my family.

the only people who know my researching is mainly my sister and mom.. .

Butterflyleia85

Ahh thanks Yknot! Yeah that does explain alot, I remember the feeling and motivaition after the DC.

I think we posted at the same time so if you have further suggestions will be much obliged! :)

21

Help what should I tell my mom?!

by Butterflyleia85 in

jw
friends

little background.

i'm dfed been dfed for about 4 to 6 years if you include the first dfment and getting back in for 6 months then 2008 dfed second time.. i did alot of research in 2010 to now and well from getting dfed for a total different reason just makes me look like a sinner who is unrepentent in my family.

the only people who know my researching is mainly my sister and mom.. .

Butterflyleia85

Thank you Diest!

Well I need to respond to her and I did...

Mom it's your choice I will love you no matter what! And like grandma I respect her choices. She doesn't shun me in fact she called me yesterday to tell me she was leaving on vacation and was going to call you when you got home from work. I'm not even against my sister and would gladly love her to be apart of my life but she choices what she only knows is right and doesn't what to be apart of my life! Like her the scriptures apply, we should love god more or "hate" "love less" even our family compared to god like Matt 10:37. We love god and he loves us. But the 10 commandments still apply and that is love and respect your parents!

I just seen on Dr Phil the other day parents abusing a lil girl kept her in a closet then only took her out to rap her. Her strength and love for god astounded me. She is 18 now and healed but it makes you think wow her own parents?? This world is corrupt and we do have to rely on god. I do not feel god has chosen the organization to fulfill his purpose but has chosen individualsto bring light to his name and his true loving kindness!

Her responce: I know waht you are saying...I don't even think it's the organization as much as it is the ones in it that is being obsessive. I know [sister from our hall] wrote the socitety and asked if it was ok to help her DF daughter set at meetings with her and talk to her. The letter that came back was yes she is still her daughter so she took it to the hall and sat with her daughter and showed the elders when they told her that it was wrong for her to do it.Like they told me about you.

I will look up some scriptures for [her daughter or my sister] to read and let her decide if she want to talk to me... I will not go back for her or anyone else... I will go back for me only and if she does not talk to me when I'm gone then it will stay that way if I do decide to go back.

Well that was that mostly...

But really I don't want her to go back and it kills me inside... How can anyone justify such reasoning... I forget what it was like not knowing what I know now. For one the organization has different people on the writing department as will as those who write back to members in the hall.... Where do they say yes it's ok and no it's not? Why are they so ferm even to shun one minute and then the next say it's up to you and yes you have a right?

See the confusion. I got a call from an elder too actually quite a quincidence... asking if I needed encouragement to return to the meetings. I haven't heard from them for over a year and now they call? I was going to go back but that was befor I had my son and just so I could talk to my family and maybe save them from the organization by planting lil clues. All is changed now I just want to be happy with my family not loose my mother or grandma... they are the only ones in that talk to me that I'm very close too.

21

Help what should I tell my mom?!

by Butterflyleia85 in

jw
friends

little background.

i'm dfed been dfed for about 4 to 6 years if you include the first dfment and getting back in for 6 months then 2008 dfed second time.. i did alot of research in 2010 to now and well from getting dfed for a total different reason just makes me look like a sinner who is unrepentent in my family.

the only people who know my researching is mainly my sister and mom.. .

Butterflyleia85

Little background. I'm DFed been DFed for about 4 to 6 years if you include the first DFment and getting back in for 6 months then 2008 DFed second time.

I did alot of research in 2010 to now and well from getting DFed for a total different reason just makes me look like a sinner who is unrepentent in my family. The only people who know my researching is mainly my sister and mom.

My sister was baptised in 2009 after my DFment and is married and pioneering.

My mom hasn't been to a meeting sence my DFment and even went to my wedding and has supported me as a mother should.

She doesn't want to choice between us and neither do I. But I have said if they don't want to be apart of my life I don't want them to be wishy washy about it. I can't handle it emotionally.

Things have been good til recently.

Well while my mom has been free doing what she wonts she also kinda took advantage of the silence from the elders and her freedom (persay because she is baptised) anyways and done things my sister doesn't aprove of.

Here's the problem: My mom's text to me about my sister: Well I just told {my sister} that I missed her and asked her if she was working or busy tonight because I missed her. She told me that I was bad association becasue I'm not going to the meetings... And she could not associate with me until I go back to the meetings. I told her that I am tired of being judged... I told her that I had a brake down cuz of my job last week and i needed to see my baby she said if i relied on jehovah that would not have happened.

It continues today: My sister wrote this to my mom and then mom forward it to me: Then if that's where u stand I can't give u wat u want either... I love u and I want u to come back to the organization, but as long as u continue to rely on urself and put {butterflyleia} befor jehovah then I can't have a relationship with you that might jeperdise my relationship with jehovah... I read a scripture the other day that altho at first glance it seemed harsh it was straight with me. it was Luke 14:26... it means that i have to love Jehovah's above all else... Even that of my own flesh and blood... Just because ur inactive and ur not tied to the congregation anymore does not mean ur just going to be looked over, u are baptized... Because i dedicated my life to Jehovah's i am also responsible for my actions and i know ur not relying on jehovah, because if u were we wouldn't be having this conversation, so its not ok with me the way u live your life and i can't support u... I love u so much and i know this hurts, because it hurts me to even have to say these things...