Help what should I tell my mom?!

by Butterflyleia85 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  Butterflyleia85

  Little background. I'm DFed been DFed for about 4 to 6 years if you include the first DFment and getting back in for 6 months then 2008 DFed second time.

  I did alot of research in 2010 to now and well from getting DFed for a total different reason just makes me look like a sinner who is unrepentent in my family. The only people who know my researching is mainly my sister and mom.

  My sister was baptised in 2009 after my DFment and is married and pioneering.

  My mom hasn't been to a meeting sence my DFment and even went to my wedding and has supported me as a mother should.

  She doesn't want to choice between us and neither do I. But I have said if they don't want to be apart of my life I don't want them to be wishy washy about it. I can't handle it emotionally.

  Things have been good til recently.

  Well while my mom has been free doing what she wonts she also kinda took advantage of the silence from the elders and her freedom (persay because she is baptised) anyways and done things my sister doesn't aprove of.

  Here's the problem: My mom's text to me about my sister: Well I just told {my sister} that I missed her and asked her if she was working or busy tonight because I missed her. She told me that I was bad association becasue I'm not going to the meetings... And she could not associate with me until I go back to the meetings. I told her that I am tired of being judged... I told her that I had a brake down cuz of my job last week and i needed to see my baby she said if i relied on jehovah that would not have happened.

  It continues today: My sister wrote this to my mom and then mom forward it to me: Then if that's where u stand I can't give u wat u want either... I love u and I want u to come back to the organization, but as long as u continue to rely on urself and put {butterflyleia} befor jehovah then I can't have a relationship with you that might jeperdise my relationship with jehovah... I read a scripture the other day that altho at first glance it seemed harsh it was straight with me. it was Luke 14:26... it means that i have to love Jehovah's above all else... Even that of my own flesh and blood... Just because ur inactive and ur not tied to the congregation anymore does not mean ur just going to be looked over, u are baptized... Because i dedicated my life to Jehovah's i am also responsible for my actions and i know ur not relying on jehovah, because if u were we wouldn't be having this conversation, so its not ok with me the way u live your life and i can't support u... I love u so much and i know this hurts, because it hurts me to even have to say these things...
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  Diest

  Tell her to stay strong. It is sad that your sister would be willing to shun you mother over a lack of meeting attendence. Your mother gives undconditional love and it is fair of her to expect that in return from your sister.
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  yknot

  Part of me says to tell mom this is just the way the WTS operates these days. Yes it is extreme and unnecessary but a reality none the less.

  Another part says....Sister has laid out some grounds for association so maybe mom can get her to come down on her terms a little by allowing their visit to include a reading from the WT or KM or Bible....

  Sister is the one here who is trapped by the WTS mindset and mom would benefit deeply to discern this fact.....Understanding the whys and hows sometimes eases the harshness.

  If I was your mom I probably would constantly invite Sister over and keep including her so that she knows she is missed, wanted and loved.

  Keep in mind we are still in the midst of DC season....so such uber dedication is going to be abundant
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  Butterflyleia85

  Thank you Diest!

  Well I need to respond to her and I did...

  Mom it's your choice I will love you no matter what! And like grandma I respect her choices. She doesn't shun me in fact she called me yesterday to tell me she was leaving on vacation and was going to call you when you got home from work. I'm not even against my sister and would gladly love her to be apart of my life but she choices what she only knows is right and doesn't what to be apart of my life! Like her the scriptures apply, we should love god more or "hate" "love less" even our family compared to god like Matt 10:37. We love god and he loves us. But the 10 commandments still apply and that is love and respect your parents!

  I just seen on Dr Phil the other day parents abusing a lil girl kept her in a closet then only took her out to rap her. Her strength and love for god astounded me. She is 18 now and healed but it makes you think wow her own parents?? This world is corrupt and we do have to rely on god. I do not feel god has chosen the organization to fulfill his purpose but has chosen individualsto bring light to his name and his true loving kindness!

  Her responce: I know waht you are saying...I don't even think it's the organization as much as it is the ones in it that is being obsessive. I know [sister from our hall] wrote the socitety and asked if it was ok to help her DF daughter set at meetings with her and talk to her. The letter that came back was yes she is still her daughter so she took it to the hall and sat with her daughter and showed the elders when they told her that it was wrong for her to do it.Like they told me about you.

  I will look up some scriptures for [her daughter or my sister] to read and let her decide if she want to talk to me... I will not go back for her or anyone else... I will go back for me only and if she does not talk to me when I'm gone then it will stay that way if I do decide to go back.

  Well that was that mostly...

  But really I don't want her to go back and it kills me inside... How can anyone justify such reasoning... I forget what it was like not knowing what I know now. For one the organization has different people on the writing department as will as those who write back to members in the hall.... Where do they say yes it's ok and no it's not? Why are they so ferm even to shun one minute and then the next say it's up to you and yes you have a right?

  See the confusion. I got a call from an elder too actually quite a quincidence... asking if I needed encouragement to return to the meetings. I haven't heard from them for over a year and now they call? I was going to go back but that was befor I had my son and just so I could talk to my family and maybe save them from the organization by planting lil clues. All is changed now I just want to be happy with my family not loose my mother or grandma... they are the only ones in that talk to me that I'm very close too.
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  Butterflyleia85

  Ahh thanks Yknot! Yeah that does explain alot, I remember the feeling and motivaition after the DC.

  I think we posted at the same time so if you have further suggestions will be much obliged! :)
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  under the radar

  Unfortunately, your sister probably won't listen, but you could try asking her if the "Faithful Slave" meant it when it said in the July, 2009 Awake! "...no one should have to choose between their family and their beliefs". If they didn't really mean it, or try to claim that it doesn't apply to JWs because "we have the truth," then they have institutionalized hypocrisy. Either that article meant what it said, or it didn't. They can't have it both ways.

  None of Jesus' brothers or sisters followed him until after his death. There is no record that he ever shunned them. On the contrary, there is every reason to believe that he treated them the same as anyone else with good sense would treat his siblings.

  The only other organization I know of that says once you're in you can never leave is the Mafia. The JWs are the biggest whiners of all when relatives of newly interested ones try to persuade them to stop their studies. They're the first ones to cry "Persecution!" and make a lot of noise about freedom of religion. But if a Witness should do independent research and decide they don't want to be JW anymore, that's a whole different story. There's a BIG price to be paid. Like I said, they're hypocrites.

  You don't have to make your mom choose. Just let her know that, come what may, you will always be there for her. Unconditional love means just that... unconditional.

  My best to you and yours,

  Radar
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  rather be in hades

  how much does your mom know about the organization?
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  Butterflyleia85

  not enough. she makes exuces like the rest (brainwashed JW) for all the bad that's happened... no one actually reasoned with her and she is not curious enought to find out. she doesn't like the bad name on the organization and wants to see her dad (who died a spiritual elder and was a daddy's lil girl) on paradise earth... so I think that's what holds her in. she just has really low self asteem no help to her ex abusive husband (my dad who's still a JW never been DFed and well carries himself like he does no evil) and my grandma well isn't much help either... she's better now but she knocks her down alot for every thing she does, her job, her weight, her friends, her lack there of, etc (my grandma's personality)... My mom just has that negitivity all around and it's got to her brain. Sooo now my sister's pulling this and I just like man why does she have to make things worse.

  Thank you under the radar that is what I been trying to always get across to her is I love her and will be there for her... as far as telling her about jesus I think I need scriptures. I may mention the Awake article in person to her as a suggestion.
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  rather be in hades

  everyone is different. my mom may or may not be exactly like your mom, bt i'm going through the same thing, but without the extra family drama. sorta...i mean i'd hate for her marriage to break apart. my stepfather believes, but i think he's also reasonable.

  in my case, i've come to the conclusion that i can attack 607 bce and 1914. and by doing that i can kill two birds with one stone.

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  the witnesses believe they are the ones preaching the good news.

  the good news, according to them, is that in 1914 christ became king and this signifies the time of the end when soon jesus will strike down the wicked and bring back unicorns and rainbows.

  well how do we know it happened in 1914? go to the daniel book and it's all spelled out there

  wait a sec...JERUSALEM wasn't destroyed in 607. so if that's the case and everything revolves around jerusalem's destruction...does that mean the good news is false as well?

  someone took the time to post encyclopedia pictures he took of maybe 30 or more encyclopedia entries that show jerusalem was destroyed in 587, even mentions zedekiah losing the throne or something in 587.

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  your mom seems like she has one foot out the door already. i would think if you reasoned this out gently, then you can maybe get her asking more questions. just make sure she doesn't start asking those questions to your sister lol.

  i like the bible stdy idea. i'm gonna ask my mom abot us discussing stuff every week. she can count time and all that shit and i can break her free of the cult if i have to go that route. maybe your mom can do the same to your sister if you can crack your mom.

  simple reasoning and it completely breaks the witnesses at the core.
• 

  blindnomore

  What under the radar said.

  Just add one more. Suggest your sister to research the word 'disfellowship' from the New Word Translation.(there's none). Then have her research the word 'expell' from NWT. There are about 3 or 4 incidents of it in NWT. They are all have to do with the Pharisees and the Jewish system based on their rigid rules and traditions. Account on John chapter 9 is really interesting.