Taking a second look at this and the lack of comments, maybe it might be a bet to condescending to send (I wasn't really going to send it anyways). I really wish though I could get them to look at their logic... shune the sinner to make them come to their senses and come back to the truth. Well I already knew my sins needed to be paid for that is why the elders found out about my sin in the first place... what I was trying to figure out was what was wrong with me in acting in a sinful way, why wasn't what the elders telling me working and just making me go crazy. Then when I was 'casted out to the world' what was their logic to their actions? What gave christians in the world their peace and understanding, and it had to work, no BS, with my understanding of what I grow up knowing about ther 'truth'. Well it turns out their logic was like another match to reaching God.... so now I had to compare, where JW the only truth, were they imperfect, and then the research began. I find that most christians were open to their imperfection maybe for some a bet to soft about things but their logic made since, 'it's between you and God' not 'you man and God' as the final judge, that's why he gave us free will, 'as you judge others the same will also be upon you' judged by God. So do I though continue with my course in life as a DF, more research had to be done, does God or Jesus forgive or is it a course of punishment and isolation that will humble me and then I will be forgiven. I had no encouragement that's for sure, going to the meetings was suppose to be my encouragement but yet it made me feel more like a sinner and evil, them talking about the faithful ones and all... well what about the sinners, even after research in the Watchtower and Awakes as well as other liture I found no encouragement, just your doomed to distruction and that's it... that family and friends needs to shun you inorder to protect their flock. I had alot of DFed friends who were trying to get back in but we were all on different pages dealing with the same thing yet we all were handing it to our own self distruction and I honestly didn't want to be around that any longer... alone again. I even looked up stricked heart I think it was or something like that that the Watchtower pubished online about those who have sinned and 'can turn from their bad ways'.... It still was not enough to read that over and over. I went to counseling and well the only thing I found is that my past was coming forward and the battle with disfellowshipment we couldn't really decuse because she had other JW patients and she wanted to respect our beleif so.... it never really helped. I wanted to feel ok again (I was even put on antidepressiates to just cope through the days)... I wanted encouragement, wither it was to just live life normal or to face the JW whole heartedly. Who was really there to help me but of one day coming on here and tons of ppl leaving me with comments of encouragement!!! And homework! ;) I did my research and after my findings, I see it wasn't about living up to 'God's Standards' it was about living and learning.... God will guide you no matter what. Using scriptures, using lifes experiences, and sorrounding yourself with people who support you and love you know matter what the changes!... Make life worth living in!!
Yes I may not be asking family really to save me because I feel I already been 'saved'. But I am asking them if they truely care... and love me and what it means to me to prove that. Because I know for sure I care about them or I wouldn't be still pondering about this Jehovah's Witness stuff and leaving with it with just a life experience.... it still haunts me that my family are Jehovah's Witnesses and there is nothing in my power to change that. All I can do is not be afraid of offending and not be afraid of rejection. I love them dearly... and all I want is them to see it from my side of the story.