3dogs, thanks I appreciate that. Everyone else too, I appreciate your well wishes. I'm better, had a little bug for a few days but I feel pretty good today. Even yesterday at the meeting, I felt pretty good. The speaker gave an excellant talk, and there were pointers he delivered that I had no choice but to acknowledge and respect. He delivered some points that hit me personally and I'll have to meditate upon them later. All in all, I feel good. I'm planning on hitting the gym later today.
I don't have my notes with me, as I'm at work. There's more I'd like to share with you at another time. I'm just too swamped between work and the JW hamster wheel to really get into it. All of that, and dealing with sick relatives, I've got a pretty fair amount on my plate right now, which is a good thing to a degree. It keeps me busy and keeps my mind off of things that otherwise disturb me.
There is a couple other things I can mention about this school right now. Its more of an oberservation about people, as opposed to anything organizational or doctrinal. One has to do with the parts on education and trusting the faithful and discreet slave. I don't know if you can relate to this or not, but as a born-in JW, you're taught how to read people. You look for things in people, about people, their homes, their employment, their families, what makes them smile, what angers them, their entertainment etc.. We read into people because we're always looking for an opening, a weakness to exploit for witnessing purposes. Some days I have a difficult time turning this mindset off. At the school, I was trying to take as many notes as I possibly could, so during the program I didn't focus too heavily upon those in attendance as much as I typically do at the hall or assemblies. There was one brother however I couldn't help but notice.
He's distiguished in a sense, tall, slim, well dressed, and attractive. There's not a gay bone in my body, but even as a heterosexual man I can see why a woman would be attracted to him. He reminds me of Christopher Reeves before the accident, or even a taller and younger Timothy Dalton. I know this brother personally as he's in a neighboring congregation about 20 minutes from my congregation. He's somewhat peculiar, stays to himself, although it can be said that he is a circuit star as he's a regular on circuit assembly programs. He's personable, has a sense of humor, but you will never see him shoot the breeze with other brothers. At conventions and assemblies he'll usually have some assignment whether it be the book room, or lost & found. During lunch, you will only see him with his wife who he does not have any children with. When he shakes my hand, or any other brother's hand when you see him, he'll only chat with you for a matter of seconds before moving on. I don't know if its shyness, or some other social anxiety, I really couldn't tell you. I've heard good things about him from others in his congregation who are friends of my family. He's a generous man, and somebody you want in your corner if you're dealing with a heavy emotional problem. I guess in return for this, he seeks solitude. Thats just him, thats just how he is.
Anyways during the education talk and faithful and discreet slave talk, I just by chance looked in his direction. The hall was set up into four rows, of three chairs per row. I was sitting in the second row from the door, about four rows from the back of the hall. He was about halfway down the row closest to the door. During the education talk I noticed he was listening intently. His hand was across his mouth, and his eyes were intense. This intrigued me, as I couldn't help but wonder what the heck was going on in his mind. Later during the faithful and discreet slave talk, I looked in his direction again, and his eyes were so focused and serious. At one point I thought red laser beams were shoot from his eyes to the speakers crotch. Again, he's a peculiar fellow, so I couldn't tell if his countenance was out of anger, confusion, bewilderment, or maybe he was wondering what his wife had cooking for dinner. I don't know. All I do know is the gears in his head were grinding. I've thought about him occasionally since then and I wonder is he having the same reservations that many of us our having here. He's similar to me in some respects as I stay to myself too, although I believe I'm more sociable than he is.
The other thing I noticed was three brothers in a pickup truck during lunch. On the first day, I sat in the aisle furthest from the lobby door, and one of the brothers in the truck sat in front of me. I really don't know him that well. His wife is gorgous, and I'm not that big of a fan of blondes, but she is something to see. Another brother in the truck, sat in the next ailse over from him, and I know him personally. I've known him since I was a child. The thing I noticed was these two brothers shot each other glances periodically throughout the program, especially during WTF-Moments. Later during lunch the next day, I decided to close my eyes briefly in my car, and those two brothers and another were in eating their lunch in the truck across from me. I could see that the conversation they were having was lively, and I can't help but wonder if it had to do with some of the crazier points at the school. Or again maybe they were talking about the hockey game. I don't know.
This is what I love the most about this forum, is that I know I'm not crazy. That there are others who share my thoughts and reservations. I just wonder how far it extends. During that school I felt like Winston Smith, but its impossible to voice your thoughts to your fellow brothers because you fear one of them may turn out to be O'Brien.
