Posts by garyneal

160

My Wife is demanding that I stop coming to this board.

by garyneal in

okay, i am in a bit of a dilemma.

since i believe in honesty between marriage mates, i have been telling my wife about this board and my participation on it.

i feel it is only right so that she won't feel like i have anything to hide.

garyneal

moshe: practical advice, thanks. I will certainly consider it if I feel like she is becoming too emotionally withdrawn. I will also watch if a pattern develops. Like, if the more she is involve, the more she withdraws from me.

Gerard: Yeah, I figured as much. As much as she likes to be opinionated and bossy, I cannot imagine her having a successful marraige with a real JW man.

Bourne: Thanks, I do try to see if the problems are from the religion or from something else. When she and I do have good talks, I realize where some of the problems come from. It isn't the religion in every case.

wozza: I believe you are soooo right. She is scared of the truth and feels that if she abandons it, she will let down the elder and his wife, her mom, and most of her family. I've tried telling her that she is not letting down God if she abandons it, especially since I find it hard to believe that God can only endorse this religion as they claim.

satanus: Thanks for the parallels in WTS and drug addiction.

GL Tirebiter: You're right and that is one reason why I act the way I do. Luckily I met many good friends within christendom so when the WT propaganda began telling me that only they show love, I was like, "Wait a minute."

undercover: I agree precisely. Her actions do not seem right considering I am not a witness nor have I ever been. The whole idea of "spiritual pornography" is indeed ridiculous. As others have said, truth stands up to scrutiny.

lovelylil: Thank you, I still love her and believe it can get better.

Thanks again everyone.

160

My Wife is demanding that I stop coming to this board.

by garyneal in

okay, i am in a bit of a dilemma.

since i believe in honesty between marriage mates, i have been telling my wife about this board and my participation on it.

i feel it is only right so that she won't feel like i have anything to hide.

garyneal

hopscotch: We may consider couples counseling but I don't think things are as quite that bad. You are right about life being too short to waste it on downers.

flipper: It is a shame you had to deal with your wife disconnecting from you emotionally all because you did not reach for eldership. What a terrible example of conditional love. I think my sister in law sees this but I think deep down she really would like to see her mom love and accept her too. Just like my wife, I believe they are holding on the religion because of her. Get to the mother, and the whole ship goes down. The father will probably leave and I know the daughters will. However, I doubt I will try to get to her though.

diamonddiz: This is exactly why I feel free to view both sides of the arguments about the WT. Of course, I also entertain both sides of the opinions concerning Christianity as a whole too. I don't have to worry about shunning like my wife does.

dgp: Your comments are always welcomed. I do plan to stand my ground even though she did back off. I've had to stand my ground on a lot of things and I know it bothers her. When I was at the hall while playing with my daughter, I asked myself if God would think that I was doing right by her by not becoming a witness. I know the answer is yes on that front but I do wonder how I would be judge later in life for making this decision.

Billy the X: Yeah, I've read some of those websites too. I remember telling my wife the Russell was a pyramidologist and that is where 1914 came from. She began looking in the Proclaimers book to 'verify my claims.'

160

My Wife is demanding that I stop coming to this board.

by garyneal in

okay, i am in a bit of a dilemma.

since i believe in honesty between marriage mates, i have been telling my wife about this board and my participation on it.

i feel it is only right so that she won't feel like i have anything to hide.

garyneal

Wasanelder: LOL, she certainly would not see that one coming.

drew sagan: Yeah, sometimes I think it is because she thinks she is right and that she has the truth as to why she gets so unreasonable sometimes.

nugget: I would be very interested in reading your whole story. When did you begin posting here and why?

nelly136: Technology always has an answer doesn't it?

steve2: Yeah, honesty in this case was surely being punished. My mom tells me that sometimes you have to do your own thing and let your spouse do his/hers. It seems like our idealized image of marraige crumbles big time when confronted with the reality of an actual marraige.

Leprechan: I agree, I think JW's are controlling because their religion is controlling.

scotsman: I hope it does not apply in this case, though it might. She and I do need to have that long talk and need to spend more quality time together just her and I.

Blues Brothers: Well said. If I were on the outside, I "know" what I would've done. Truth is no one knows what he or she will do in a given situation unless that person has been in the situation.

Nathan: I might just order that book.

jamiebowers: My heart goes out to you and I am glad you got out of that relationship and found someone you really love. Concerning the situation with my son, it is all past now and no sense drudging it up. She and I went to counseling over it back in those days and it is best to let the dead horse alone.

jonathon dough: I've been aiming to read your information but it seems like I am always too busy.

Finally Free: I hope this trend does not progress in my situation. I will keep those points in mind.

greenie: I made the same point you and JamieB made about how they generalize about all of christendom. I've said this to my wife many times.

carla: I may do what you suggested. Truth is, a part of me wants to have her JW friends over so I can show them how there are indeed nice people outside the WT. I've asked my wife if she we could go to JW games and such. She said, well we can't exactly do that but she would not tell me why.

black sheep: You are absolutely right. SHE married the unbeliever, it is HER problem. Thanks for your advice.

160

My Wife is demanding that I stop coming to this board.

by garyneal in

okay, i am in a bit of a dilemma.

since i believe in honesty between marriage mates, i have been telling my wife about this board and my participation on it.

i feel it is only right so that she won't feel like i have anything to hide.

garyneal

Almighty Homer: She may be getting coached by an elder. I have an interesting scenario that I wanted to see what you all think I should do but I will post it as another topic as to not change the topic here. It concerns asking the elder about 1914 and getting him to prove the date to me. Look for it.

Zombie Dub: It does seem like emotional blackmail, doesn't it. She does have a tendency to be abusive. On the one hand, I wonder if she loves me or not. On the other hand, she gets jealous when she thinks I might meet another woman.

Elsewhere: LOL, I just might try that.

Outlaw: Right again, as usual. Love your wit.

OTWO: You always seem to have good suggestions and good counsel on every situation concerning JW-dom. You must have been a great elder that the dubs could come to for advice without fear. The WTS lost a good witness by being who they are. I was definitely thinking of you and what you had to say when I started this thread.

wobble: It is addictive being here. Sometimes I do think that I find myself letting things bother me when I post the situations and exchanges that my wife and I have. In a sense, maybe my wife is right in that my being here does not help matters like her being in 'step moms in need' did not help her too much.

yknot: Yeah, I would love to see her here. I would also love to have her check out the information I have found. She does not have to abandon her religion, but it would be nice to see if she can at least think critically.

160

My Wife is demanding that I stop coming to this board.

by garyneal in

okay, i am in a bit of a dilemma.

since i believe in honesty between marriage mates, i have been telling my wife about this board and my participation on it.

i feel it is only right so that she won't feel like i have anything to hide.

garyneal

Well, after reading all of the posts, I feel I need to comment to some of them. So much to read and comment on but I feel you all deserve that much as I was surprised this topic generated 5 pages worth of comments.

blondie: Thank you so much for the WT articles addressing the issue of a wife being submissive. Yesterday, before we left for work, I asked her about that and commented on how I am suppose to be the head and felt that her making these demands is wrong. I even told her to ask the elder and his wife what they thought about it. Her response, "This may be wrong but I really feel like you need to stop going and I want you to stop." Of course, this morning she backed off a little. Perhaps she is treating me like a disfellowshipped person.

BabaYaga: It does seem like when it comes to negotiating, it always seems to be her way or the highway. She claims that I am just as guilty of it but I try my best to offer compromises in every situation I dislike. When the situation is reversed and I am the one who does not approve of something she will either insist that it is her way, do things her way, or just do it my way and say I am being a tyrant. She never accepts any of my compromises and never offers any of her own. I suppose this is all JW behavior, huh?

160

My Wife is demanding that I stop coming to this board.

by garyneal in

okay, i am in a bit of a dilemma.

since i believe in honesty between marriage mates, i have been telling my wife about this board and my participation on it.

i feel it is only right so that she won't feel like i have anything to hide.

garyneal

I've already said all of this stuff to her, anyway I won't continue discussing the issues with my marraige. They are my problems and I will somehow find a way to work it out. Again, thanks for the feedback.

160

My Wife is demanding that I stop coming to this board.

by garyneal in

okay, i am in a bit of a dilemma.

since i believe in honesty between marriage mates, i have been telling my wife about this board and my participation on it.

i feel it is only right so that she won't feel like i have anything to hide.

garyneal

Tonight is her meeting night, she goes to school on Tuesday evenings.

I can tell you that when she gets around Jehovah's Witnesses, she changes and becomes someone I almost don't know. Last year, I wanted to do something special with her on New Year's Eve. So I set up the hotel room where we were going to stay and had planned on her and I hanging out, just the two of us, for most of the evening. I wanted to take her to the restaurant where I proposed to her at, and maybe find a New Year's Eve party somewhere where we could bring in the New Year.

New Year's Eve 2008 was on a Wednesday, her mom was going to the meeting that night. My wife, trying so hard to make herself look like a good little Jehovah's Witness in front of her mom, decided to blow my plans and go to the meeting. I was very very upset as she gave me no warning at all. She tried to make it seem alright by saying that we can still do things after the meeting but I was looking forward to being alone with her for the entire day. Then she asked me what my plans were and when I told her some of the plans she was like, "Well, if that is all we're going to do, I don't see where it should interfere with my meeting." It was hard to justify my position as I was surely being seen as someone who is trying to prevent her from serving Jehovah God. Therefore, all I could do was sulk.

She gets upset with me because I never plan anything special but the times when I do plan things she changes the plans or decides she'd rather do something else. I've given up trying to plan things for the two of us now.

160

My Wife is demanding that I stop coming to this board.

by garyneal in

okay, i am in a bit of a dilemma.

since i believe in honesty between marriage mates, i have been telling my wife about this board and my participation on it.

i feel it is only right so that she won't feel like i have anything to hide.

garyneal

Moshe,

You may be right. Sometimes I think the reasons why she treats me the way she does is because she does not truly love me but does not want a divorce either. Perhaps couple's counseling is in order.

160

My Wife is demanding that I stop coming to this board.

by garyneal in

okay, i am in a bit of a dilemma.

since i believe in honesty between marriage mates, i have been telling my wife about this board and my participation on it.

i feel it is only right so that she won't feel like i have anything to hide.

garyneal

There were a few comments of value that was hidden away on page four.

Thanks for the feedback, well for most of it, of course I did not appreciate the posters who called my wife a b****. The truth is, no one really knows her (or me) from the postings that I made. I try to be balanced but realize that it is my side.

In that vein, I will post some more information about her character as I can see it.

She's instrumental in helping out her sister during her hard times and when she just needs support. True, this is her sister but she does more for her than I've seen her own parents do. Her sister has often said not so nice things about the unhelpful comments she gets from her parents but I digress as I don't have the complete picture of all of that drama.
She's well loved and respected by the people she works with at the headstart program she works for. She works very hard ensuring that her classroom has everything it needs even when she's had to purchase the items herself.
She's often encouraged me to help people that we encounter having car trouble. Usually, unless it is something small like a battery jump or something of that nature, I tend to let it be.
She too, believe it or not, finds that some of the material in the children's books of bible stories published by the watchtower is questionable. Primarily the material concerning violence in the old testament. My daughter is inquisitive and asks why, why, why a whole lot and my wife had to evaluate why she was reading the material and then decided to put it aside.

This morning, as she and I were getting ready for work, she came back and told me that it was okay for me to continue coming here and that she could not stop me.

160

My Wife is demanding that I stop coming to this board.

by garyneal in

okay, i am in a bit of a dilemma.

since i believe in honesty between marriage mates, i have been telling my wife about this board and my participation on it.

i feel it is only right so that she won't feel like i have anything to hide.

garyneal

For anyone who can read this, Hiding Questioner posted an open HTML comment and it is preventing those who use IE to read everything after it on page four. I don't think Hiding Questioner posted the open HTML comment on his own and I think the system messed up somehow.