Don't get me wrong, I tell ANYONE I know that is 'doing their own thing' to NEVER EVER confess to the elders!!! Back in the day, being a born-in, I was TOLD that being faithful and a good lil JW was to tell...on yourself and others in cases of sin. If not, I would be held 'bloodguilty'. But the older I got, the more I began to figure out that it didn't feel RIGHT to judge others that way! I didn't like being responsible for someone ELSES choices, that's not fair at all!!! And now as an adult, I fail to see how anyone is required to 'answer to' MEN in a Khall for anything...they don't pay my bills, buy me clothes, put food on my table, or take CARE of me - so what right do they have to judge me and what choices I make? NONE. So now, i tell folks to just keep it between you and God.
babygirl30
JoinedPosts by babygirl30
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29
SO sad! The elders never cease to amaze me...
by babygirl30 inon fb yesterday, an old friend of mine 'friended' me....and once again, i was hesitant to actually accept because i didn't know how she would feel about me being df'd.
but i accepted, and she sent me a msg.
well we ended up talking back and forth for awhile, and found out that she lives right around the corner from me!!!!!!!!!!
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98
My sucky situation
by brotherdan inhi guys,.
sadly some of them had been in bethel for 5 - 10 years and were still cleaning toilets.. after about 2 years of it i couldn't do it anymore.
i always knew something wasn't quite right with this organization.
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babygirl30
1. You're wife's identity IS being a JW...that's all she knows, that's WHO she is! As difficult as that is to understand NOW that you are out - being able to comprehend the depth of that identity will help you SEE why she reacted the way she did. Remember, JWs are taught that anything/anyone that even remotely 'threatens' their spirituality is to be REMOVED from their life!!! Unfortunately, they nit-pick it right down to if a person even disagrees with 1 belief of theirs, or questions something an elder said off the platform - to be a 'threat', and thus THAT is enough of a reason for them to separate themselves from a person. Your wifes tearing up your Bible and all was frustration, I get it. BUT that was not 'wifely' (according to JW teachings) and you CAN nicely remind her of that. You technically are doing nothing wrong nor harming her spirituality...but again, in JW world, your research is like holding Satans hand while you skip up the street!!!! (aka - it's bad to them)
2. I think someone else suggested calling her bluff...she could get a separation (according to JWs) because THEY feel that her spirituality is threatened by your lack of interest in the religion any longer, but she CANNOT be granted a scriptural divorce!! Boo hiss...unless you dip your wick in somone ELSES candleholder (or she falls on a stick) - then nobody has grounds for divorce.
3. The more you LEARN about the real deal of JWs - the LESS you need to verbalize it. I'm not saying 'hide' how you feel, but unfortunately, with a die-hard JW in your midst, it will be extremely difficult to talk about what you have discovered. That in itself (not being able to share) can be frustrating and hard to deal with...but you really need to be careful until you have made a decision where you stand in JW world (in or out). They will throw up the apostate flag with a quickness, and once that is in the mix, it expedites EVERYTHING and villianizes you.
4. When you first 'see' clearly how things are done in JW land, it can be really confusing and scarey. Like everyone else here has said - TAKE YOUR TIME. Read, read more, and then read some more!!!!
5. Do not let your wifes defensive stance change YOUR mind and don't let her attitude bully you either. All the threats she is making are just her being scared! But it's not a relevant fear - and you recognize that. It's something she was TAUGHT to have. Whether you are a JW or not, you are still her husband - and thus - head of that family/household. She cannot dictate to YOU what your kids will be, how they will be raised, etc. That is a JOINT decision, and as the head, that moreso lies in your hands.
WELCOME to the board.
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29
SO sad! The elders never cease to amaze me...
by babygirl30 inon fb yesterday, an old friend of mine 'friended' me....and once again, i was hesitant to actually accept because i didn't know how she would feel about me being df'd.
but i accepted, and she sent me a msg.
well we ended up talking back and forth for awhile, and found out that she lives right around the corner from me!!!!!!!!!!
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babygirl30
YES! This girl and I will be FRIENDS again now that we've caught up and live so close!!!! What's sad is that when she was telling her story I kept saying "me too"... and it was all over the way the elders handled both our situations. Traumatic things that happen at the hands of JWs, and it's just supposed to GO AWAY? Be left in Jehovah's hands? What ended up happening was this 'brother' who raped her - turned around, got married and reinstated, and then raped OTHER sisters!!!!!!! They would come forward, and it was quickly 'hushed' by elders. Oh, and even worse, he was accused of molesting a lil BOY in the cong. This lil boy was being raised by a single mom who was a ghetto hood rat whose MAN HUNGRY - and she was close to this 'brothers' family. So when the lil boy started acting UP, and his he came forward about what was going on (his being molested), his mom shipped him off to live with his father!!!!!!!! And she continued to associate closely with this 'brothers' family like it was nothing. It's sick.
It still boggles my mind how women KEEP getting the short end of this stick in this religion, and that something so VULGAR as 'abuse' (rape, molesting, beating, etc) are to be kept quiet - otherwise you are bringing reproach on Jehovah's name?! That's what my own PARENTS told me when I wanted to go to the police to file criminal charges against my abusive ex after he tried to kill me...
My friend has been OUT of the org for 9yrs!!! So the fact that I went through a similar situation really eased the 'tension'
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29
SO sad! The elders never cease to amaze me...
by babygirl30 inon fb yesterday, an old friend of mine 'friended' me....and once again, i was hesitant to actually accept because i didn't know how she would feel about me being df'd.
but i accepted, and she sent me a msg.
well we ended up talking back and forth for awhile, and found out that she lives right around the corner from me!!!!!!!!!!
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babygirl30
On FB yesterday, an OLD friend of mine 'friended' me....and once again, I was hesitant to actually accept because I didn't know how she would feel about me being DF'd. But I accepted, and she sent me a msg. Well we ended up talking back and forth for awhile, and found out that she lives RIGHT around the corner from me!!!!!!!!!! I invite her over, and we ended up talking for HOURS (from 8pm-11pm) and had a GOOD time laughing and reminiscing about our high school days. BUT then we get on the topic of JWs, and I came 'clean'...told her that I have been DF'd for 2yrs and have NO desire to go back. I tell her MY story about how I ended up leaving the 'truth' (my abusive ex, the assault charges, the PFA, and the unloving elders) and then I tell her about how the CO personally got involved in my case, reopened it, and ended up telling ME that it was 'my fault'.
So when I'm done, she starts telling me about what happened to HER...now back in the day, this gf was DF'd, and that was the last time I spoke to her - cause she was pregnant and of course I had NO idea what happened. All I knew was that she was not married and having a kid - so obviously she was sexin it up!!!!! WRONG....she starts telling me that this one 'brother' in MY cong back in the day (who was WELL known for being a man-whore) had attacked and raped her with 3 of his buddies. Now thankfully, this girls neighbors witnessed the guys entering the home and called police, and they were all apprehended - except the one from my cong. So this girl finds out she is pregnant, and goes to the elders weeks later...she tells them what happened, and the elders tell HER to keep it quiet - they will handle it. And as usual, they don't! Turns out that they call her back in a week later, and tell her that she is being DF'd - as the 'brother' claimed it was mutual (he too was DF'd). Now this girl gets MAD...she goes to the police, and they end up filing charges against these guys, but because of some technicality, they all only get probation. A year later, the DO comes through on a visit, and reads her case - demanding it be reopened. Once that happened, they overturned her DFing...but by now, awhile has gone by, and this girl suffered ALONE (since no one could talk to her). She said that the elders NEVER apologized - they only 'encouraged' her to KEEP HER MOUTH SHUT about what happened to her...and to let it go. This girl has this kid now, is a single parent, and NOBODY knows what really happened to her...all they know is she got pregnant, got DFd, and was reinstated.
UGH!!!!!!!! That story made me sick. But it was so WEIRD how we both 'kinda' went through the same situation with the elders and CO/DO. Talk about a small world in this ridiculous religion.
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This may sound kinda stupid to some...
by babygirl30 in...but i miss my kitties and i miss my lil niece!
once i decided not to 'return' to the org, and let my parents know - they began to shun me.
broke my heart at first, but it is what it is.
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babygirl30
It hurts a lot,especially when they tell you that it ws "your choice"to be df'd..Awful..Shame on the JW's. My parents still talked to me when I was df'd tho,albeit not as much as before.I think its up to their "personal conscience.
I know what you mean here...my parents STILL make it seem like I sat there and ASKED to be DF'd!!! It wasn't MY choice and it wasn't MY doing - 3 uneducated, narcissistic, arrogant MEN chose my fate. My parents DID continue to associate with me, as long as I went to Khall and it looked like I was coming back. But when I stopped, and stood UP for myself, they cut me off. My mom, who is the die-hard JW, has cracked here and there and contacted me sparingly. My dad though, the JW that lives his life 'on the fence' (double-life) has taken the HARD CORE stance of fully shunning me, to the surprise of a lot of people - as they KNOw how my dad is...but I guess he has his reasons.
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This may sound kinda stupid to some...
by babygirl30 in...but i miss my kitties and i miss my lil niece!
once i decided not to 'return' to the org, and let my parents know - they began to shun me.
broke my heart at first, but it is what it is.
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babygirl30
...but I miss my kitties and I miss my lil niece! Once I decided NOT to 'return' to the org, and let my parents KNOW - they began to shun me. Broke my heart at first, but it is what it is. I've slowly gotten used to them not calling to see how I am, or not being able to just stop by (I pass their house on a regular basis doing errands). Saw my father taking a walk the other day, and BF wanted to pull over and say hi, and I got this WEIRD feeling like "I don't know that man" as I looked right at my dad. He didn't see me, but it's hard to explain...as if in my mind I know that he is my dad, but I don't FEEL like it - make sense????
So it's now July, and this is officialy 2yrs since I was DF'd: 1yr since I was last in my parents home, 1yr since I last hugged/held my niece (whom I love dearly), and 1yr since I got to hug and pet my loveable kitties (that are at my parents home). I'm sorry if that soundbs completely immature and ridiculous, but I just have this desire to hug up with my kitties...I sincerely miss them. They always calmed me, and were 'family' in my eyes. As for my niece, I find myself wondering what she's doing, how well she talks now that she's 4yrs old, what she looks like, if she remembers me.
Now the anger of my situation is setting in...being that I have changed and grown over the past 2yrs since being OUT of the JW religion, I know for a fact I'm more well-rounded, and I'm happy! But I can't have the 'small' comforts of my past life because a RELIGION says so!!!
Thanks for letting me vent!
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Convention Starts Today for My Little JW Daughter
by snowbird inshe's going to leave before the session ends in order to get to work.. that's a first for her!.
one step at a time .... syl.
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babygirl30
OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH! The days of getting excited about the upcoming assembly - NOT cause of the program but because of goign to get NEW outfits to prance around Philly in lookin CUTE and possibly find a mate (fingers crossed) - hahahahahahaha. UGH!
The last assembly, my mom was on my case about 'being humble' and going...I made it 1/2 a day, and at lunch, RAN outta there. It was just uncomfortable, boring, and so FAKE to me at that point...but then again, I had been DF'd and out the 'loop' for a good 6 mos at the time. I pray for all those GOING to the assembly, because the expense of traveling/eating, and the rhetoric they FEED everyone...it's enough to make me throw up.
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Free to remarry?
by Earnest ini wonder if anyone can help with this information?
i seem to recall that if a husband or wife commits adultery and is divorced, is it necessary for the innocent party to agree before that one can be reinstated?
regardless of that answer if the person is reinstated and wishes to remarry do they need the agreement of the innocent party before they can remarry if they wish to maintain a good standing in the congregation?.
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babygirl30
Yes and NO...
Doesn't help - I know! But it all depends on the 'elders' in your cong what is acceptable and what isn't. I know a couple in one cong where the wife cheated, she and the husband got divorced, and the wife went to get reinstated and the elders rejected her reuqest until she 'made ammends' with her ex - namely, and apology. She did. Then she went to get remarried to a brother, and the elders said NO - they would not perform the ceremony until her ex gave his thumbs up.
I also know of a sister whose husband cheated on her, got DF'd, and within in a year he was reinstated and remarried (to the girl he cheated with) - and the elders NEVER said one word! Nobody asked the exwife if she was 'ok' and nobody checked if she ever received an apology or if he had tried to make ammends. So in that instance, she was never consulted at all. TO this day she is still hurt by that...that he bascially got reinstated and married and NOBODY spoke to her at all.
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Frugal Ideas for a Beautiful but Inexpensive Wedding!
by StAnn inas i've proclaimed so loudly, my oldest son is getting married next year.
we have a small budget (about $5k) and they want a wedding with three bridesmaids, three groomsmen, and a catered reception.
thus far, my son is going to load his ipod with music.
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babygirl30
1. Wedding dress = ebay (custom dress from China $170)
2. Suits = the groomsmen can all wear a black suit
3. Dresses = Target has very 'cute' satin dresses for $30 and under
4. Flowers = grocery store floral dept or a farmers market
5. Photographer = check your local college, craigslist (under events), or art school for a photography 'student'...they will work for FREE or a discounted rate
6. Catering = check local college 'culinary' dept to see what they can offer, or else open it up to a pot luck...
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Memorial Service at Khall - would you go (even as a DF'd exJW)?
by babygirl30 ini ask because a friend of mine (who stays in touch once in awhile) had made it clear to me about 6 mos ago that he didn't care if i was df'd or not - that he still would speak to me and check up on me.
well his parents are both disabled, and his father recently died in the house!
so he sends me a text telling his father passed - and i told him i would call him.
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babygirl30
I ask because a friend of mine (who stays in touch once in awhile) had made it clear to me about 6 mos ago that he didn't care if i was DF'd or not - that he STILL would speak to me and check up on me. Well his parents are both disabled, and his father recently died IN the house! So he sends me a text telling his father passed - and I told him I would call him. 2 days later I call, and we end up talking for awhile about 'friends' (term used loosely) I USED to associate with in his area, his father, etc. So he tells me that the memorial is at his Khall this Sat (6/12) and that he doesn't want me to feel 'awkward' about coming because HE would not act 'off' around me and he would acknowledge me IN FRONT of everyone. He said "I think in this circumstance - your being DF'd should be excluded". Now the dilemma - do I go or not? He's a good friend, and used to be pretty close. He has an older sister who is also DF'd that he keeps in contact with despite, and he is one of the few that kept in touch with me...
...on the other hand, this Khall is in the area that I used to chill in ALL the time! This cong has a lot of my old associates (when I was a JW), and this memorial will be full of people that I know - possibly including the family of my abusive ex-fiance (whom I have a PFA against).
What should I do? Do I suck it up and go to support my friend despite my 'fear' of seeing all these old acquaintances AND the family that basically f*cked up my LIFE - and still call themselves JWs????!!!!