So wait...it wasn't until the 70s that they made the decision that families shouldn't associate with a DF'd member? WOW!
babygirl30
JoinedPosts by babygirl30
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Question: When did the JWs start having judicial committees?
by Spiral ini've been reading the book recommended by zing "soul snatchers, the mechanics of cults" (bought a used copy online) and one of the things mentioned was how cults police all aspects of their members' lives.
so it got me to wondering, when did the practice of three men (elders) having a hearing (or should we say trial) and passing judgment on a member start?
did the early bible students do this?
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babygirl30
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babygirl30
5.This takes the award.one person proposed the day after the person got baptised.So you know where his priorities lay! Here I was a regular pioneer for years, with years of experience in the truth so called. Hell no this is definitely called "uneven yoke" you need to steer clear of!
I knew (2) brothers that did this. Dated 'non-JW' women who were having active Bible studies, and the day they were baptized, proposed! And oddly enough...it was all 'oooohs and aaaahs' like NOTHING was wrong about the whole situation. Mind you now, both of those brothers are elders in their congregations, exemplary men, looked up to and all
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NETFLIX: "Messiah" ... all I can say is "Wow!!"
by Terry innetflix : messiah.
remember how you felt watching close encounters of the 3rd kindfor the first time?that's what i'm feeling at the end of season 1 episode 2 ofmessiah.it's not what you think it's going to be.it's not jeffrey hunter in king of kings, or mel gibson's passion of the christ, or the left behind series, or temptation of the christ, or the greatest story ever told.. this isn't a hollywood version of anything.. folks, at the end of episode 2 i'm thinking i'm watching extraordinary storytelling fresh, original, superbly acted and -best of all: no bullshit.. don't read anything about it.
don't watch previews.
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babygirl30
Watched all the eps I a day...and they were amazing!!!!! I watched a review video and read some reviews, and the theory is that the character (Al-Misah) is actually the anti-Christ?!?! Very excited to see season 2...
But did you notice how everyones motives around this man started out genuine and religious, but ended up that they were so selfish and greedy??? And that everyone he touched or was in close contact with - ended up having BAD things happen???
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My BPD Sister Passed Away
by babygirl30 ini have started this, then restarted it, and it still sucks to even write this out - but my younger sister passed away unexpectedly last saturday (on my birthday).
i am going through all the grieving emotions, but there is more to the story that i could never and would never talk about to anyone that didn't understand the jw rhetoric.
so...here i am.. my sister has had borderline personality disorder (bpd) for as long as i can remember.
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babygirl30
There are two books about BPD, one about walking on eggshells, the other called something like I hate you, don't leave me. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?
I read Walking on Eggshells years ago...along with Toxic parents. Both VERY good books, and very informative (regarding my homelife at the time). Lol!
You aren't obligated to go to her funeral. If you go I'd highly recommend having an exit strategy in case it gets to be too much. It can also help to have a buddy, to take someone with you as a support, with that exit plan agreed upon.
The ONLY reason I am going to this Memorial is for my extended families sake (as they are fighting to bridge the relationship between my parents and myself), and because I've gotten a LOT of support from my own friends and coworkers - which has caught me off guard. So they already told me they will be there to support ME and be there for ME, which feels good. So with all that said, I will be attending.
I wanted to thank you for your insight on my situation...yes it was frank, but not harsh (I'm guilty of being brutally honest and direct 99% of the time myself).
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My BPD Sister Passed Away
by babygirl30 ini have started this, then restarted it, and it still sucks to even write this out - but my younger sister passed away unexpectedly last saturday (on my birthday).
i am going through all the grieving emotions, but there is more to the story that i could never and would never talk about to anyone that didn't understand the jw rhetoric.
so...here i am.. my sister has had borderline personality disorder (bpd) for as long as i can remember.
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babygirl30
Let me add this 'tidbit' to the convo:
My sister never really had friends. She would have one here and there, suffocate the life out of them, flip on them, then be lonely for a long time until she let someone 'in' again. Either way, this random woman reached out to me and explained that she is a health/wellness coach and trainer. Apparently she and my sister were close, and for years, she has encouraged my sis to 'let her pain go'...but that my sis wouldn't. Her exact words "I've never seen someone hold onto anger so tightly in my life - she just couldn't let it go. But rest assured that she loved you and I tried to get her to change, but she was impossible sometimes"
So it isn't just ME that knew how bad and difficult my sis was. Also let me add, Im tired of the stereotypical "your sister loved you deeply"..........DID she now? In what way? Because everything she did proved otherwise.
Her memorial is at the Kingdom Hall in 2wks and Im dreading this bs. I really am. All the people who never bothered to reach out to see me, speak to me, check on me...people who I've fed and let stay with me when they were without - all hugs and kisses at her funeral service, only to turn around and treat me like I don't exist 24 hrs later. Yay me! So much to look forward to.
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My BPD Sister Passed Away
by babygirl30 ini have started this, then restarted it, and it still sucks to even write this out - but my younger sister passed away unexpectedly last saturday (on my birthday).
i am going through all the grieving emotions, but there is more to the story that i could never and would never talk about to anyone that didn't understand the jw rhetoric.
so...here i am.. my sister has had borderline personality disorder (bpd) for as long as i can remember.
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babygirl30
Um, your sis wasn't merely BPD, she was a raging, controlling, manipulative, Narcissist!
I wish I could agree with that...but narcissist she was not. If you read the BPD description it fit her perfectly, almost eerily. All these articles Im reading now really nail home how BAD a case she was, to be honest.
You may not believe it now, but in a short time, you will feel nothing but RELIEF that this toxic abuser is out of your life! No more stupid bullshit! No more stalking!
It sounds so fucked UP to even admit that her passing, in a small way, is a relief. And I don't mean that to be malicious either - but she was so mean, to everyone around her, including my parents. My heart hurts for my niece most, because I can only imagine what it has been like growing up in such a dysfunctional and abusive household with her mom having mental illness. My heart hurts for my parents loss, because they have always 'protected' my sister, im sure that was their life. That part of their life is gone now...suddenly, never to return. Im sure for them, being elderly, that is a hard pill to swallow. BUT, my sis and I have been estranged for years. She has been out of my life for a long time and Ive had that sense of 'relief' in not actively having to deal with her nonsense - it is just that now, her removal is permanent. And I have to be honest, I don't know HOW to feel about that. I'm genuinely confused about it...
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My BPD Sister Passed Away
by babygirl30 ini have started this, then restarted it, and it still sucks to even write this out - but my younger sister passed away unexpectedly last saturday (on my birthday).
i am going through all the grieving emotions, but there is more to the story that i could never and would never talk about to anyone that didn't understand the jw rhetoric.
so...here i am.. my sister has had borderline personality disorder (bpd) for as long as i can remember.
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babygirl30
If you want to fight to take her, do it because you truly want to be a parent to the child and because you genuinely care for her, otherwise you may be doing her a disservice if others are out there that she loves and that love her, even if they're Jehovah's Witnesses.
Let me clarify - I am NOT interested in being a 2nd mother to my niece, nor do I want to take her away from the only home she has known (with my parents). This child has been through enough trauma, and because I havent' seen her since she was 3 (she is now 13), she doesn't even know me - that was my families doing, they made sure of that. When I saw her last week she was caught off guard when I told her I was her aunt?!?!?! That made her cry even more...which broke my heart.
My only wish is to be involved IN her life. She is 13 now, had a mentally ill mother, a disabled grandmother, and an elderly grandfather all raising her. Now that her mother is gone, I just feel like I have to do SOMETHING! I can't sit back and watch this child have no one to confide in (my parents are NOT that type) and relate to, and I can't sit back and watch my parents struggle to do this alone. I don't want to make up for the loss of the relationship with my sister, because that would be a heavy weight to put on a kid...and it would discredit HER value as an individual by trying to make her be my friend, even though we are family. That's it. That's all Im asking for...a chance to be involved. To just be there, for if and when she needs me, to get to know HER, what she likes, what she finds fun to do, do girly stuff with. She doesn't owe me that though, because again, she doesn't know me at all really.
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My BPD Sister Passed Away
by babygirl30 ini have started this, then restarted it, and it still sucks to even write this out - but my younger sister passed away unexpectedly last saturday (on my birthday).
i am going through all the grieving emotions, but there is more to the story that i could never and would never talk about to anyone that didn't understand the jw rhetoric.
so...here i am.. my sister has had borderline personality disorder (bpd) for as long as i can remember.
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babygirl30
When he died I grieved not the loss of the father I had, but the loss of the father I never had, and honestly my life didn't change for the worse because he was gone. I honestly let go of him when he shunned me. I was dead to him, he was dead to me, same with the rest of my family. I'm not going to sit around pining for people that actively shun me. I mourned their death with my shunning.
I too did this. When my family shunned me 12yrs ago (sister 10yrs ago) - I mourned all of them. In my mind that was that their 'death' and the most painful experience ever! But I got over it, I worked hard on healing, self care, therapy, and learning NOT to tolerate abuse any longer. So yes, I agree...Im not mourning my hateful sister as a person, I am mourning the loss of any chance that SHE could change, we could be sisterly and loving, and that the stupid ass dream I've always held of having my sister be my 'best friend' is gone - forever. And the realization on the flip side that if she was still alive, nothing would change. She would still be denial that SHE is the problem, she would still be shunning me, and she would still be cyber stalking me and attempting to talk bad about me to whomever would listen. I think THAT hurts more than anything...Im crying over her loss, but if the tables were turned, I guarantee she wouldn't do the same for me.
Say goodbye to the reality of who she was and who you wished she could be with the acknowledgement that she was likely doing her best. Most people, even awful people, aren't malicious, they're just messed up, broken in some way
This is what bothers me most. Because I did 'the work' years ago...when we first stopped talking. I let it all go, gave up, and I accepted that my sister - my little sister - was an adult who CHOSE not to have me in her life. She chose to make this decision to be separate and not include me in she or her childs life. But that like I said in my original post, I always knew my sister was hurting...there was some mental battle she was always fighting, and that battle tended to spill outward (onto those closest to her). I watched my parents kiss her ass when she cussed them out in front of people, I witnessed her doing some of the vilest things at their expense - and them just shrugging their shoulders in exhaustion. I remember asking my mom one day "why...why do you all tolerate her nonsense?" My mother told me that all parents know when their child is 'sick' (or off), and so they overcompensate for THAT child, as a protection for them, and because they feel guilty. That is the reason my sister got away with all her torture. Oddly enough if you asked my sister who my parents favored, she would tell you it was ME (but I was the good kid, the responsible kid, the one who didn't need constant parental attention or help because I was 'ok'). But the reality of our family dysfunction was that she was the needy one, and her behavior always solidified that she got most of the attention. SMH...sad to look at it from the outside in, and realize that my sister has NO clue that she was rotten apple. Even as kids though, I knew my sis just wanted to be loved. I think she had maybe 2 boyfriends her entire life (one of them being her kids father) - and even he got away from her and now is happily married with a family of his own. She was obese all her life, and her mental illness made being her friend hard - so she didn't have many of those either. The last few years of her life she was dependent on our parents and lived with them (due to her illness), so Im assuming that loss of freedom just sent her over the edge. I understand why she was lonely and that her hurt ran deep, but I also understand that I NEVER deserved to be her punching bag.
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My BPD Sister Passed Away
by babygirl30 ini have started this, then restarted it, and it still sucks to even write this out - but my younger sister passed away unexpectedly last saturday (on my birthday).
i am going through all the grieving emotions, but there is more to the story that i could never and would never talk about to anyone that didn't understand the jw rhetoric.
so...here i am.. my sister has had borderline personality disorder (bpd) for as long as i can remember.
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babygirl30
If your sister were still alive and willing, would you still cherish the possibility of a having a good relationship with her?
I have ALWAYS held out hope that she and I would at some point reconnect - I have wanted that desperately. Every major life event that happened to me, I'd send her an invitation (never got a response). The only thing I wanted was to have my sister be my best friend...that's it. To band together when our parents get too old to care for thenselves, and be each others support. But each year that passed, the possibility of it happening lessened.
The part that hurts most is that I guarantee if the roles were reversed, and I was the one that passed, I bet my sister wouldnt give a rats ass. The fact she had made no attempts to even be in contact all these years is my clear sign. Yet here I am, sad as Hell, over the loss of her...😢
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My BPD Sister Passed Away
by babygirl30 ini have started this, then restarted it, and it still sucks to even write this out - but my younger sister passed away unexpectedly last saturday (on my birthday).
i am going through all the grieving emotions, but there is more to the story that i could never and would never talk about to anyone that didn't understand the jw rhetoric.
so...here i am.. my sister has had borderline personality disorder (bpd) for as long as i can remember.
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babygirl30
You didn't choose for your sister to be afflicted with mental illness and you didn't choose to be brought into a religion that causes otherwise rational loving parents to fear god so much that to save their own hides, they must turn their backs on their own offspring.
The issue with that is...my parents are ALL my niece has known! My sister has lived with my parents off and on for all 13yrs of my nieces life, so they are her family. I havent been around her since she was 2 or 3...so I'm technically a stranger to her (and her to me). To fight to take her away from my folks would be double the trauma,, and I cant imagine doing that to the poor child. What I DO want...is at the very least, a relationship with her, a chance to get to know her and vice versa, an opportunity to be her 'support' through this. Instead, I fear the shunning will resume and I'll go back to being shut out of her life again and forever