dont know how much time has past since 50 for you, but it does seem like you are carrying a lot of anger. Perhaps that is when you are making a point, or and need to get your feelings out. I feel like i am moving past it already. Do you feel like your feelings have improved at all since waking?
I've noticed a change in Punky since his wife divorced and remarried. I think Punky has lost far more than many of us (not all). Losing your religion, your wealth, a career or friends is one thing .....losing your family is a whole other.
I only wish those bastard elders had kept their traps shut and kept out of your marriage punk. I feel for you very muchš