Hi Stepford...,(you are so not a Stepford wife btw!!!)
there is a "faders guide"on here, unfortunately I cannot use the search facility on my mobile, (if someone could post link I would appreciate it) it may be under a user called "the searcher"he's a current fader and gives great advice - could you pm him if you cannot find it?
generally you should avoid meeting elders, they come in twos for a reason - to dig for evidence. Their priority is the org and the cong/their own butts, not you - ordinary publishers come way down the list.
If you must meet them I believe being stumbled by the arc is your best option as it allows you to keep tighter reigns on your daughter. Say you just need time to sort things out yourself, wait on jah etc rinse and repeat - don't give them anything else. Many folks site depression/anxiety issues but this may be awkward if hubby as an elder doesn't want to mislead. They will not inform other halls and their desperate need for men taking the lead may work in your favour re hubby's position - though if they have already mentioned his stepping down that may be a done deal - be prepared for them to use his position to blackmail you into coming back. I would suggest you asking them to watch the arc with you in order to respond to your question - that may send them scarpering !!!!! Lol!
I wish u all the best but I will say freeing your daughter would be my priority, imho ! Xxxxx