Welcome to the forum!
I know it is all so utterly overwhelming. But take your time, if you honestly have questions, how can any loving father condemn you for wanting to find answers? Remember, JW leaders are only other people, don't conflate God with a man made organization. But before you need to get into doctrine ( and for that I recommend jwfacts.com, the lovely, truly humble Paul Grundy only uses Wtbts publications, so you don't have to feel anxious.
Away from doctrine, please please have a look at this amazing video by Theramin Trees, in fact all his videos are fantastic, but first please look at this one. He is qualified in psychology and philosophy ( which I highly recommend studying if you can, however basic)