The Bethelite.
Ive read your work and your posts and I know the suicides have deeply affected you. Traumatised you more than anything. Have you ever thought of working for the Samaritans or another suicide hotline? A dear, dear friend of mine took his own life 4 years ago next June. I will never get over it.
Im completely with you on this. If you did get over it you would be in humane imho. Do your kids speak to their mother? If not they may be more damaged than they think.