It took me about 3 hours to transcribe/translate it, but here you go, the full 27 minute documentary, in English. Please forgive me for any spelling/grammar mistakes, I composed the text in Notepad and it's almost 4 a.m. here.
A has year passed since Stephan took the most difficult step in his life: together with his wife he disassociated himself from the Jehovah's Witnesses. Stephan writes a letter to his parents, who are also members of the faith:
"Dear Mom, dear Dad,
You've been asking youselves for a while why me and my wife are no longer attending the meetings and are virtually not observing a Witness lifestyle. The problem is according to our view that Jehovah's Witnesses have in reality not dedicated themselves to Jehovah, but to the organization."
KICKED OUT OF PARADISE
Quitting Jehovah's Witnesses
An Yvonne Rüchenl-Aebersold Film
A small town in Nordrhein-Westfalen. Population: round 20,000. Stephan has lived here virtually for his entire life. He was born into Jehovah's Witnesses, since his parents and his older brother Michael are members of the religious community. The family limits their contact to "worldly people," i.e. individuals not being Jehovah's Witnesses. For a long time Stephan doesn't notice that his view of the world is different than the view others have of it.
Stephan: "Before I came to school I didn't realize that something isn't the way it is with others. Then I started school and I saw that there were a lot of 'foreign beings,' whom I didn't even learn how to relate to and to handle. They were doing all these 'evil' things, like celebrating birthdays, Christmas, so I was standing aside from the very beginning."
Stephan had learned that the outside world is evil, and determined by Satan. Today he goes to the Catholic church of his hometown. Previously this was unconceivable, because the people who pray here think in a different way. Stephan holds the conviction that Armageddon would occur in the near future—the complete destruction of the system of things, survived only by believing Jehovah's Witnesses.
Stephan: "When Armageddon comes, there's nothing to laugh about. It's hell! Collapsing houses are exploding, cars are flying in mid air. Noone will be spared, whether young or old; only those who are found to be pleasing in God's eyes."
The frightening pictures of Armageddon, reproduced from books of Jehovah's Witnesses, have imprinted in Stephan's mind. Stephan has experienced life as being a struggle with Satan.
Stephan: "Jehovah's Witnesses believe that Satan wants to destroy them as a group. So they perceive life as a constant battle, Satan's battle against the Witnesses, the Witnesses' battle against the 'spirit of the world', and this is the concept I grew up with."
Stephan finds it more and more difficult to bring his life in harmony with the teachings of Jehovah's Witnesses. He finds too many contradictions. Together with his wife, she being also one of Jehovah's Witnesses, he decides to disassociate. Currently Stephan works as a part-time bus driver. Until now he couldn't imagine having a full-time job. After leaving the organization, his life has become too directionless. He has to give up old beliefs, e.g. that after Armageddon he may live for ever in Paradise. The Witnesses shun him for now on, old friends from within the organization do not greet him any more. His marriage has also had to face a deep crisis. After leaving, they realized that the faith was the connective element.
Stephan: "First of all, everything was gone. The only thing I still had afterwards was the marriage. And when I realized that it was no longer working out together, it was the deepest life crisis I had ever experienced. Then this thought came to my mind: why is it worth living anyway?"
Almost 250 miles (400 km) away from Berlin lives Michael, Stephan's brother, eight years olden than him. He has it all behind him, what his younger brother must endure now. Michael has also disassociated himself from the Witnesses, but this happened 19 years ago. His younger brother was surprised by the decision.
Stephan: "We were invited to some Witness brothers in the weekend out of town, my brother didn't want to come. When we returned, Michael was no longer at home. He left a letter on Dad's desk."
Michael: "All I wanted to say back then, that's it, I'm out of here, first of all. Second, I don't want to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses any longer. Third, this is my new address; if you're in the mood, just call."
Stephan: "He was gone just like that, and I understood that he was gone for good, because he would no longer have the hope for eternal life. I had this sensation that he had sacrificed his life to Satan. And you would cease any relationship whatsoever to such an individual."
Leaving the organization is the toughest experience for Michael too. While his parents are still keeping contact to his younger brother Stephan after his leaving, they cease contact to Michael almost completely for religious reasons.
Michael: "My decision was, I was ready to continue speaking with people I had spoken previously. If they decide that do not want to talk to me any more, if they decide they don't want to say even 'hello', it's their decision, not mine."
In the meantime, Michael has become himself a father, but lost the warmth of his parents and the permanent contact to his brother. Even after all these years he still longs for the love of his parents, even if he keeps a distance while retelling about it.
Michael: "Yes, when I was 22, there was a bit of it missing. I could have had more, there was an easier way too, to keep a better contact to my parents. I would have just had to return to Jehovah's Witnesses. Of course, I didn't want to go that way."
Michael has since started a new life. He's been together with his wife Karin for 13 years. They have a daugther. He directed her full of selfconscientiousness and offensively towards the future. He doesn't want to touch the negative aspects of the past. He has a clear view of what it means to be a family.
Michael: "By family I mean the word in the narrow sense, it means specifically my wife and my daughter. It less refers to my parents or my brother."
Today, Michael works as a self-employed corporate consultant. Besides his challenging job, his also activates as a supporter for other Witnesses who want to leave the religion, in spite of his tight schedule.
Michael (on the phone): "Yes... what about the 17th?"
As to the leaders of the faith, he judges them toughly.
Michael: "It's a rigid top-to-bottom government, dominion, call it as you wish. There is no such thing as a bottom to top organization, as in the Catholic or the Lutheran church, with Jehovah's Witnesses. There are strict rules as to what to do and what you are allowed to do in your free time, it's definitely a totalitarian association; that's why I consider it to be a cult, and the fact that it's recognized as a statutory corporation doesn't change a thing."
It's Sunday morning. Michael takes a trip with his daughter Jordis. They get together very well. He wants to give her that sense of parents' trust that he had missed in his past. He wants to support Jordis in her development and strengthen her. This has one important ingredient: don't avoid critical questions! Jordis should arm herself when someone approaches her with so-called "truths" or they want to impose her a certain opinion.
Now back to Stephan. He is nervous. The two brothers have decided to meet. Michael wants to come to visit over the weekend. The guys have to recover 19 years! A period during which they have not shared anything, and they have developed completely independent of one another. What's it going to be like?
Stephan: "I'm definitely excited. When you didn't sit together for so many years, how would you react when so much time has gone by? You might never know what things you have in common, what conflicts might arise. I'm nervous."
Stephan: "Hi, how's it going?"
Michael: "Hi, it's hot."
Stephan: "Well, I'm feeling you pretty cold. Cold hands."
Michael: "Air conditioning in the train."
Even if there's enough place in Stephan's apartment, Michael decides to rent out a room in a motel. The distance should help them to appoach each other slow and easy. The brothers need in effect to get to know each other right from the start.
Michael (to Stephan): "I would like to send you the warm greetings from your ... hmm .. my daughter."
Stephan: "Thanks a lot"
Michael: "That's your niece, right? I never got it right."
Stephan: "Yes. She's my niece."
The situation is still rough a bit. They soon start talking about their disassociation, the new beginning and the parents' role.
Michael: "It's pretty hard to lose both one's sons. We both are not just so-called 'worldlings,' random individuals who are not Jehovah's Witnesses, but we are apostates—the most evil of the evil ones."
The brothers take a walk into the past, they want to share memories. On the way they encounter the Kingdom Hall, the facility where Jehovah's Witnesses meet. Mostly Stephan had spent here many hours of his life.
Stephan: "During the time I was an exemplary Witness of Jehovah, I spent roughly 20 hours a week for meetings, preparing for the meetings, personal study, field service, getting dressed, drive on location and so on. That makes 80 hours a month that I had dedicated our of my free time for my spirituality."
Michael: "Have you put you letter of disassociation into that box?"
Stephan: "Yes, the official one I did. I also sent it privately to some brothers that were close friends. I told them the reasons of our departure, so they don't hear some false gossip."
Before leaving, Stephan has kept his plans for himself. He considered it to be a high danger to being threatened by the brothers. Michael knows what his brother is talking about.
Michael: "When someone hear about another's planning to leave, they go to the elders in the congregation, and tell them to take care of the individual to strengthen his faith. I consider it personally a brainwashed system, where your potential friend is at the same time your potential traitor."
Michael was also afraid of unpleasant attempts to draw him back. Back then he had thought that he would not withstand the religious conversation with the elders. That's why he didn't talk to either his parents or his younger brother about the doubts he felt towards the faith. His departure was unannounced.
Stephan: "My parents had only told me that he had disassociated. Well, so quickly and we didn't know about it. And well, it was worse: Michael didn't want to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses. It was pretty strange. [to Michael] On one hand, my parents were glad that you got married and didn't live in unlawfully anymore, and I considered it the same, and we kind of had some hopes because of this. But the discrepancy afterwards was huge."
Michael: "I brought something."
Pictures. Early '80s. They show conventions of Jehovah's Witnesses. As kids, Michael and Stephan were excited about them. Good times in their memory.
Stephan: "In one of the assemblies we had a demonstration as a family, preparing for the 'Watchtower' study. I found it real nice. The assemblies provided me that sense of appreciation and recognition I hadn't received in school because I was standing aside. I would be assigned parts in the service meeting, I would be allowed to stand on the platform in front of 60-70-80 people. And this is something that carresses the soul."
Stephan: "This must have been 1980, I was 5 years old here."
Michael: "I almost never thought that these could be my parents."
Stephan: "Really?"
Michael: "I don't know... But we have the same ones, right?"
Stephan: "Probably because a long time I was the only child and I was feeling to be a single child. But yes, you're right, they're our parents."
Back then, after Michael's departure, his parents wanted to make sure that their only son left grows to be a faithful Witness. Proselytizing is a part of this development. Stephan learns this from early childhood. In front of the camera, the brothers are reconstituting a typical field service scene, as Stephan has exercised it for a long time, something that was not always an easy situation.
Stephan: "The feeling I used to have when going into field service was something like, I have to bring something to people what they actually don't even want. I was feeling like a pest."
Stephan: "Good afternoon."
Woman at door: "Hello."
Stephan: "My name is ... This is my brother accompanying me. Today we bring the people attention to a very current topic, that has an effect on each individual... "
Woman at door: "You know ... I don't want to buy anything... I mean..."
Stephan: "Don't be afraid, we don't want to sell you anything..."
Stephan: "The householder, as Jehovah's Witnesses call them, has many objections, but they're always the same, 'I don't have time,' 'I'm not interested,' 'I have my own religion.'"
Woman at door: "I'm sorry, I don't have too much time now. I have to go shopping."
Stephan: "I'll be very short. For example, the Bible says here..."
Stephan: "That's why you have in your mind some standard answers. When someone says, they have their own religion, we say, 'We suppose you so once we are at your door,' and we can get the discussion about their religion."
Stephan: "Since you said so don't have much time, look, I'm pleased to leave these magazines with you today."
Woman at door: "Yes, thank you."
Stephan: "And in the next few days we will return, maybe you'll have a bit more time then. Good bye."
Woman at door: "Have a nice day, bye."
Stephan: "Bye."
After field service, it's customary for Stephan to take notes, to be able to prepare on for the return visit.
Stephan: "She was around 35, she was pretty busy, and she didn't say anything about herself, did she? I saw that the lady was pregnant, probably we could say something about kids on the return visit."
Often householders would swear brothers on such calls. They would consolate themselves with Armageddon and the freed up space for living afterwards.
Stephan: "While walking through the neighborhood, I was thinking to move there or there. For example that guy had been slamming the door in my face for ten years. How nice it will be after Armageddon, I'll get his house, he'll no longer be there. So a feeling of sympathy for the people who were there didn't came up to me at all."
The weekend the two brothers shared is almost over. Stephan wants to use the last few hours to talk about his difficulties in succeeding in his new life outside Jehovah's Witnesses. They realize that they approached it in different ways.
Stephan: "You had the chance to organize your life much earlier the very way you wanted it, probably that's also a reason."
Michael: "You also could've had the same chance."
Stephan: "Yes, if I had also started back then. This is clear to me."
It took years to knock down all the religious content that the brothers had learned since childhood. But still, doubts come along again and again.
Michael: "Every time there were reports on television about earthquakes, hunger, miscellaneous catastrophes, that Jehovah's Witnesses interpret to be a sign that Armageddon is near, people will be destroyed. And sometimes I was asking myself, what if something's true after all?"
Stephan is alone again and he's having heavy thoughts. Since most his old friends have rejected him, he feels lonely. The internet has achieved a high rank lately. On a forum for former Jehovah's Witnesses he can learn about similar experiences and he can meet others. Even if such contacts are only online, they nevertheless help Stephan get new thoughts.
Stephan is now at the doorstep of a new life. Even if he's struggling with some thoughts, he goes out in the nature to revigorate himself and find inspiration for his decisions in life, for his directions, what long-term job he would practice, whether he wants a family. He has to start anew even if he's 35 years of age. In his view, Jehovah's Witnesses have misbuilt many of his perspectives.
Stephan: "At the beginning after I left, I was mad at the organization. I realized I had missed many opportunities in life. I'm sure I would've taken higher education."
As he puts it, Jehovah's Witnesses have stopped him from pursuing a career, insisting on a simple job, that leaves time for the ministry. Of course, he cannot make the Witnesses responsible.
Stephan: "That's the point, there's no such 'Watchtower' article that clearly says you must not go to college. One would only be warned about the dangers, and one of Jehovah's Witnesses knows to read between the lines, and thus get a bad conscience."
A month later, a special day: Michael's daughter celebrates her birthday that afternoon. Uncle Stephan is the surprise guest.
Michael: "We are here!"
Everyone: "Hi!!"
Little Jordis has no fears any more towards the nearly strange person. For her, he's just daddy's brother. An unusual picture. An entire family is together. Almost an entire family. Stephan and Michael's parents are missing, and it's not sure whether they'll ever attend their granddaughter's birthday. They spend less than an hour together and the discussion focuses again on their disassociation. Michael wants to know whether the parents are still keeping contact to his younger brother, and how much. Because if so, they are breaking a rule.
Stephan: "This was one of the worries of my disassociation, you know, that when someone has a different opinion, the whole love vanishes. They say, 'If this is the way of life that makes you happy, even if this is not ours, then so it'll be.' I find this to be a loving approach, this is why I really love Mom and Dad, and I hope it stays this way."
Michael: "The question is about priority: whether the normal, human things, or some instructions given by rather elderly men in far away Brooklyn."
The preparations for the birthday party are in full sway. Stephan still finds birthday parties unusual, he was not allowed to celebrate his as a child. Jehovah's Witnesses reject celebrations that honor people, they say only God is worthy of them.
Stephan: "What do we have here? ... Here you go!"
Stephan left the Witnesses' rules behind. Today he only wants to celebrate his niece and be happy about the enjoyment of her childhood. On the birthday, the family celebrate life, even the new life Michael and Stephan started after having disassociated themselves. The brothers want to close everything related to the past.
Michael: "I reached a point where I can think about my background as a member of a cult pretty relaxed."
Stephan: "I can now pursue things that do me well. And the liberation I'm feeling is huge."
A last trip before Stephan leaves. This new getting together brought the two brothers closer to each other. Slowly they are discovering their brotherhood and they are ready to dissolve the years of their being separated step by step.
