JC's and kowtowing aren't things I'm proud of. All I can say is that once I woke up all those things sickened me and I had to "step down."
I see the value of continuing on as a mole. But I just couldn't do it. My mouth has gotten me in trouble for "criticizing the Society," "not being loyal to the 0rganization," and being "unyielding" to the local BOE.
My only wish is that I may have been able to wake up sooner than middle age with decades of servitude to a high control religion that only seems to care about money and power over people's lives. By their love "of filthy-lucre" you will know them. I wish I hadn't known them and I regret having been their tool for supporting their control locally, of people that I was close to and spent the most productive years of my life wasting for the benefit of the WT.