Posts by Jehovah

I think its silly for puny humans to tell other puny humans not to smoke good weed cuz then they might die a little earlier in like, 50 years. But since I don't bother to help you little people out you could be a vegeterian with a perfect muscl/fat ratio who will live to be 110 and still be killed tommorow by an errant blimp. Since I leave life so unpridictable you might as well enjoy a good toke.

jterfehr, truly I tell you you will be with me in paradise with lots of munchies and water and bongs made out of galaxy clusters

46

It sure is hard being your lord

by Jehovah_God in

jw
friends

my login session .

--------------------- let there be light!

:let there be light!.

Jehovah_God

Yeah that guy Satan isn't all that bad..I guess I kinda demonized him if you will, cus well yunno he pissed me off. He hasn't ever killed anyone unles I allowed him too..I sorta have slayed and smitten way more than satan ever has. But I'm god damnit I can do what I please, including zooming over to Michelle Branch's dressing room..hmmmm...

46

It sure is hard being your lord

by Jehovah_God in

jw
friends

my login session .

--------------------- let there be light!

:let there be light!.

Jehovah_God

Simon,

I'm afraid the Pope already has bids on Brittney, but we'll see about your other requests.

46

It sure is hard being your lord

by Jehovah_God in

jw
friends

my login session .

--------------------- let there be light!

:let there be light!.

Jehovah_God

I find that offensive. Many of us here DO beleive in God and I find it offensive when people mock Jehovah or Jesus. I'm not trying to be a nit-picker here, just saying I think that's not very nice.

I agree moe. You are one of my most faithful. Please report to me any mocking and/or taking of my name in vain and I shall smite the offender Immediately.

46

It sure is hard being your lord

by Jehovah_God in

jw
friends

my login session .

--------------------- let there be light!

:let there be light!.

Jehovah_God

God,
It's about time you decided to show up!!!!!
I have some questions for you.

Where have you been?!!
I was busy catching up on old 'Friends' episodes, those guys crack me up.

Why did you let those wicked men kill all those people on 9/11?
Oh #$%@..I must have been in the can when that happened.

Why are you alowing evil to run amuck in this world?
They are more interesting to me than the saintly types. I mean, what fun would watching Survivor or Big Brother be if everyone was goody two shoes? Evil spices everything up a bit.

Why did you write a incoherent book and get mad at us if we don't understand it?
I didn't write any books I like it better when people try to guess what I want. It's so cute when they preach in their litte itty bitty churches.

Well, I have a to go take care of this pesky fallen sparrow..yunno how many of those birds die a second? I swear sometimes I wonder why I created life with a limited earthly lifespan.

40

What Do You Do?

by hillary_step in

jw
friends

i link to this board a couple of times a day, sometimes in the early hours and there is always a flurry of activity, often from an enclave of veterans.

i wonder, are you all in prison?

i understand the pc's are allowed in some facilities.. do you all work?

Jehovah_God

Buddah, As all powerful creator of all things above and below, I do not need to spell correctly.

40

What Do You Do?

by hillary_step in

jw
friends

i link to this board a couple of times a day, sometimes in the early hours and there is always a flurry of activity, often from an enclave of veterans.

i wonder, are you all in prison?

i understand the pc's are allowed in some facilities.. do you all work?

Jehovah_God

I govern and rule all sentient life. I answer to noone. I am here always, just as I am everywhere at once.

46

It sure is hard being your lord

by Jehovah_God in

jw
friends

my login session .

--------------------- let there be light!

:let there be light!.

Jehovah_God

My login session

--------------------- Let There Be Light! -------------------
:Let there be light!

#You have not signed on yet.
:God.
#Enter user password.
:Omniscient.
#Password Incorrect. Try again!
:Omnipotent.
#Password Incorrect. Try again!
:Technocrat.
#And God signed on 12:01 a.m., Sunday, March 1.
:Let there be light!
#Unrecognizable command. Try again!
:Create light.
#Done.
:Run heaven and earth.
#And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
Enter command or for more !
#And God signed off at 12:02 a.m., Sunday, March 1.
#Approx. funds remaining: $92.50.

#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Monday, March 2.
:Let there be firmament in the midst of the water and
#Unrecognizable command! Try again!
:Create firmament.
#Done.
:Run firmament.
#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Monday, March 2.
#Approx. funds remaining: $84.60.

#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Tuesday, March 3.
:Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place
and let the dry land appear and
#Too many characters in string specification! Try again.
:Create dryland.
#Done! :Run dryland.
#And God created Earth and Seas. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Tuesday, March 3.
#Approx. funds remaining: $65.00.

#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Wednesday, March 4.
:Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night.
#Unspecified type. Try again!
:Create sunmoonstars.
#And God created Sun, Moon, Stars. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Wednesday, March 4.
#Approx. funds remaining: $54:00.

#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Thursday, March 5.
:Create fish.
#Done.
:Create fowl.
#Done.
:Run fish'nfowl.
#And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that
creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged
fowl after its kind. 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Thursday, March 5.
#Approx. funds remaining: $45:00.

#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Friday, March 6.
:Create cattle.
#Done.
:Create creepy things.
#Done.
:Now let us make man in our image.
#Unspecified type! Try again.
:Create man.
#Done.
:Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have
dominion over the fish of the sea and over of the fowl of the air and over
every living thing that creepeth upon the earth.
#Too many command operands! Try again.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated. 6 errors.
:Insert breath.
#O.K.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated. 5 errors.
:Move man to Garden of Eden.
#File Garden of Eden does not exist.
:Create Gard.En.
#Done.
:Move man to Gard.En .
#O.K.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated. 4 errors.
:Copy woman from man.
#O.K.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated. 3 errors.
:Insert woman into man.
#Illegal parameters. Try again!
:Insert man into woman.
#O.K.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated. 2 errors.
:Create desire.
#Done.
:Run multiplication.
#And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the Gard.En.
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
:Create freewill.
#Done.
:Run freewill.
#And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the Gard.En.
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
:Undo desire.
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
:Destroy freewill.
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
:Help!
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
:Create Treeofknowledge.
#And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the Gard.En.
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
:Create good'nevil.
#Done.
:Activate evil.
#And God saw he had created shame.
#Warning: System error in sector E95. Man'nwoman not in Gard.En.
#1 errors.
:Scan Gard.En. for man'nwoman.
#Man'nwoman cannot be located. Try again!
:Search Gard.En. for man'nwoman.
#Search failed.
:Delete shame.
#Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.
:Destroy freewill.
#Freewill an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
:Stop!
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
:Break
:Break
:Break
#ATTENTION ALL USERS ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR REGULAR
DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE SIGN OFF.
:Create new world.
#You have exceeded your allotted file space. You must destroy old files
before new ones can be created.
:Destroy earth.
#Destroy earth. Please confirm.
:Destroy earth confirmed.
#COMPUTER DOWN. COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME ON SUNDAY MARCH 8 AT
6:00 A.M. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW!
#And God signed off at 11:59 p.m., Friday, March 6.
#And God saw he had zero funds remaining.

Jehovah_God

Posts by Jehovah_God