Jehovah_God

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Posts by Jehovah_God

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  16

  Where did Jehovahs Witnesses originate?

  by Miss Jones in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i am a college student taking a course in religious studies.

  we started studing christianity today.

  my professor branched out several religions on the board.

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  Jehovah_God

  The Jehovah's Witnesses originated when i spilled my bottle of fundie-juice on the north american continent..may bad
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  23

  A special announcement

  by Jehovah_God in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  due to your abuse of the privelege, all fun has been forbidden until further notice.

  that is all..

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  Jehovah_God

  The fun ban is still in effect for california sunshine.
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  23

  A special announcement

  by Jehovah_God in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  due to your abuse of the privelege, all fun has been forbidden until further notice.

  that is all..

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  Jehovah_God

  The fun ban has been lifted in observance of Wednesday, the most oddly spelled day of the week. That is all.
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  5

  Typical Jdub Mindset

  by BoozeRunner in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  in an ongoing e-mail convo about the wbts, here is the latest response i got.. .

  e-mail message .

  from: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx .

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  Jehovah_God

  I don't like organizations that much..the previous race of sentient beings I created before puny humans was so organization-dependent that when a giant meteor was headed to their planet they immidietley formed a commitee to discuss it within a branched managerial/heirachy system of individuals, all of which needed approval to proceed from higher ups etc etc. By the time they decided collectivley as a group that they needed to do something they were space dust and ions. Let's hope you guys don't end up like them.
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  46

  It sure is hard being your lord

  by Jehovah_God in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  my login session .

  --------------------- let there be light!

  :let there be light!.

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  Jehovah_God

  You people are overly concerned with sex. You realize that when you become immortal souls of pure energy you will have no need nor desire for sex. Well, if thats what happens after you die. I like being vaque on that point. Let's just say no matter what you will not be wantin' sex.

  I sometimes wonder why you puny humans don't just engage in one massive orgy. It would solve your problems and bring about world peace. You could take rotations for sleeping, eating and defecating.
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  24

  Help & What are the blessings in YOUR life?

  by Billygoat in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  these thoughts have been triggered by one of esmerelda's posts about the lesson she learned from her daughter.

  if you haven't read it, please do.

  it is beautifully written!

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  Jehovah_God

  I am blessed with billions of followers, wether they like it or not.
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  23

  A special announcement

  by Jehovah_God in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  due to your abuse of the privelege, all fun has been forbidden until further notice.

  that is all..

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  Jehovah_God

  'NO FUN ALOWED. FUN IS BAD. FUN IS DANGEROUS. BEWARE FUN! Happiness and Joy are also suspect!"

  You got the right idea! That is an attitude we can all look up to...or else....
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  23

  A special announcement

  by Jehovah_God in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  due to your abuse of the privelege, all fun has been forbidden until further notice.

  that is all..

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  2. 
  3. 
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  Jehovah_God

  Due to your abuse of the privelege, all fun has been forbidden until further notice. That is all.
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  2

  Jehovah_God!! Get in here!!!

  by JAHESHUA MISCHAJAH in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i challenge you to a duel you no good hebrew killing half-spirit.

  you're not good enough to tie the shoe of the lowliest gentile.

  i wipe my buttocks at you sir and i call you girl!

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  Jehovah_God

  Hey what is up? I usually resolve challenges through a game of toss the human. We just set up some planets on top of each other and toss humans at the planets scoring points for closest to whatever we designate as a bullseye
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  46

  It sure is hard being your lord

  by Jehovah_God in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  my login session .

  --------------------- let there be light!

  :let there be light!.

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  Jehovah_God

  Ok thbis thomas poole guy, hmm..rings a bell...i forgot if he was under the book of life or not..sometimes I goof and put peoples name in the wrong book! har! Oh well...
  Ok lilac:

  1. Why was I born a woman? It's hard being a woman and some men suck.

  I kinda designed the universe to run itself so I can watch my favirote TV shows..in fact I think my entore purpose in creating mankind was so that one day they would make 'Friends' So basically thats the cards you were dealt.

  2. Why did you make me with small boobs? I wanted big ones!

  Man, when i created boobs I didnt realize theyd be such a big deal. They are baby feeding utensils! I dont see you people getting worked up over a spoon!

  3. Why couldn't you have made menstration less painful?

  Well see if the universe is to run itself its important that all life reproduces..so the most effecient way for you humans to reproduce is for the female to be ripe like a firm tomato for a period every 30 days and then if she dont reproduce she is PUNISHED with lots of owie pains..i was hoping you guys would reproduce like rabbits in order to avoid that monthly pain for 9 months.

  4. If I promise to be good, can I have Mel Gibson as a Christmas present?
  Sorry, mother teresa already has dibs on him.

  God, I have more questions, but will be content for now if you answer these few.

  cool..im gonna go shoot some pool using gas giants as balls with the angels. Peace!