It was a gradual process and started after I had children. I started to look more closely at the materials especially as my son has Aspergers and found some of the material distressing. I looked at what I was expected to teach my children and was unhappy with the idea that they should not celebrate any achievements as this would be boasting. That they should always trust the elders, have no ambition or hope other than that taught by the organisation and have no friends outside the organisation.
As it happened I could see that my son was seen as odd by other witness children they were not kind to him or were his friends. The meetings were torture for him as he couldn't sit still and would be taken out frequently for discipline by his father. In the end I took him out myself to the backroom looking stern and then let him fidget to his hearts content. He struggled in field service and would be vocal and speak up if he was uncomfortable or bored and other witnesses couldn't understand why he couldn't be made to be compliant. I could also see how the witness life was affecting my daughters self esteem negatively. At assemblies other witnesses were selfish and unkind when my son reacted to the loud noise of the feedback from the speakers and told us we were ruining their enjoyment and they would have to move. I told them not to bother we were going home. There were countless small acts of pettiness and casual cruelty that went against the idea of a spiritual paradise. I couldn't allow my children to experience the same humiliations and restrictions that I had as a child. They deserved to have happy and fufiling lives. My son would never fit into the witness mold and the elders agreed.
While this was happening my husband was having his own doubts and got me to read "Combatting cult mind control" and "crisis of conscience". Both these excellent books put the final nail in the coffin and we left as a family.
Although we had different reasons for leaving we were both convinced that we made the right decision. We had to weigh up what we would lose as a family and we have lost some family and friends against whether we could live a lie for the sake of keeping the same family and friends. In the end the children were more important and in order to allow them to grow as people we had to give up something from ours. We have been lucky, we have made new friends and connected with old ones, we have become closer to family members who have also left and some who were never witnesses. It takes work and effort to rebuild a new life but it is worth it.
