Thank you all for your advice. I know you mean well but its too late to go back now, I've already told them I'm going to do it. Honestly sometimes I feel like I have a split personality, jw me and whatever the real me is. I guess the Jehovah's witness in me just took over this time.I feel so alone and I just want to be accepted.
There is still time, say you went over the articles again and you really feel like you need to work on your spirituality more before you'll be ready for such a big step. It is never too late, until you actually take the plunge. In a few years you'll be happy to be out and still be able to talk to your family. Stay strong, the desire to please others can be powerful but stay true to yourself.