A good guide is to determine how an elder sees himself in relation to the rest of the congregation.
Some see themselves as father figures - they patronise and infantalise the congregation and get offended when their 'advice' is not appreciated.
Some are policemen - they want to rule the lives of the congregation and keep everybody in line. They impose their petty consciences on others.
A few are celebrities - they love adoration and praise.
A minority see themselves as a big brother - but not in an Orwellian way. They look out for the congregation by caring about individuals in need of encouragement or practical help. They try to lead by example and encourage others to exercise their own conscience. Elders of this type often end up burned out and disillusioned - as do their long-suffering families.