Troubled mind This was just the encouragement i needed today to lift my spirits again as it was a tough one dealing with all my emotions today. Thank you for words of encouragement to us all.
Lostwun
JoinedPosts by Lostwun
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21
You have to be strong
by troubled mind instanding up for yourself,and deciding to follow your own path takes strength .
you have to be strong especially if you were raised in a way of life that dictated so much of who you were .
while being raised as a jehovah's witness i was taught to follow ,unquestionally follow .i was told to put others before myself ,serve,don't stand out ,don't be independent .
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New Inactive One Saying Hello to all
by Lostwun inlostwun here, i joined 2 months ago but am now just finding the courage after doing more research to formally introduce myself to the board and embrace my new beginnings as an ex-jw.
i am a second-generation jw.
i grew up with parents who are well known and very respected in many circuits.
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Lostwun
truthlover good suggestions. A few individuals in the hall know that last month was a very rough month for me. I had a death in the family so that's been helping keep some at bay for awhile. It is interesting though, how only one couple has come to visit since then. Whenever my husband returns from the meeting he tells me how all the "friends" say they miss me and hope i feel better. And i say to him "oh yeah, well they all have my number if they miss me so much why don't they call my phone?" He just rolls his eyes. lol
Also whenever one of the elders or someone in the congregation calls, they never call my phone for info they always call him and tell him to tell me that they said hello.
yeah concerned (pssh).... more like looking for info... my husband may be naive but i sure ain't.
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New Inactive One Saying Hello to all
by Lostwun inlostwun here, i joined 2 months ago but am now just finding the courage after doing more research to formally introduce myself to the board and embrace my new beginnings as an ex-jw.
i am a second-generation jw.
i grew up with parents who are well known and very respected in many circuits.
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Lostwun
Thank you all for your comments and encouragement in dealing with this situation. it seems the common consensus is that it can be done with time patience and love. Im willimg to do all those things and I know he is too. I think he's more concerned now about what people think since we dont attend functions together or the hall. I dont want him to feel like he has to stay behind with me for my sake but he feels uncomfortable going to gatherings if im not with him so in turn it makes me feel guilty as if im stunting his social outlet. Ive tried to explain that he will have to learn to start doing things without me but this whole situation has just rocked his world to the extent he wasnt prepared for. I myself feel like im hiding out in my house out of fear of doing anything without running into a jw and being questioned or prompted for a shepherding call and I hate that feeling and feeling paranoid. I seriously need to find a hobby quick because besides my husband and his family I really dont trust going out with any other jw for the simple fact questions may be asked. His parents already know I dont attend the meetings but they havent asked a single thing and are not judgemental of me just yet. its such a small town here that even if I try to go out after work with some of the girl coworkers at mý job that im starting to make friends with, there is a high possiblity I will be seen by a jw at any establishment and I just dont know how to deal with that yet. So for the most part im tucked away in the house :( ive been conditioned so long to care what other people think about me that to finally step out on my own and not care is nervewrecking!! -
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The Religion Of Rejection - And Now That Includes Me
by dubstepped indue to some recent developments i find myself in a new place, and at this point i've lost all of my family and fri....oh that's right, i never really had any friends in the organization anyway.
just people that wanted something from me and a few people that i would invite to do things that occasionally said yes.
the recent rejections of me got me thinking, so let's take a rejection inventory.. i had to reject all of the holidays when my parents started studying.. i had to reject any worldly friends that i already had.. even family became rejected, and the new religion had some place in that.. i was rejected in school and bullied all of the time, not just because we were poor and i made good grades, but for jw reasons too.
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Lostwun
Bravo Dubstepped!
On so many levels your post resonated with me. having a disfellowshipped sibling i used to shun him thinking i was being oh so loving, but little did i know all the emotional trauma he went through especially being df'd at an early age and having everything that he ever knew ripped away from him... We have just started reconnecting now that im fading and i hate the way i used to treat him and all the years wasted that I could have spent getting to know him better. only now can i truly understand how damaging this cult is to families and on peoples mental health. I applaud you on so many levels breaking free of the bonds and sharing your experiences.
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New Inactive One Saying Hello to all
by Lostwun inlostwun here, i joined 2 months ago but am now just finding the courage after doing more research to formally introduce myself to the board and embrace my new beginnings as an ex-jw.
i am a second-generation jw.
i grew up with parents who are well known and very respected in many circuits.
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Lostwun
dubstepped I really liked your analogy on not pulling someones eyelids but letting them wake up on their own. It made me chuckle but yes that is true and i realize i will have to step back and not overwhelm him with what i have learned but let him wake up for himself.
Many Congrats to you and your wife for taking that leap and DA. Hopefully one day i will be strong enough to do the same and with my husband by my side. I can so relate on that "freeing" feeling that you described you and your wife having after leaving the org.
I too feel so liberated! I find that i have more mental peace outside of the Org than when i was ever in. I don't struggle with all the anxiety that i had and feelings of never being good enough anymore and that within itself tells me that there is something very wrong with this organization when so many within are struggling with depression issues and other deep-seated problems. I truly hold the Organization responsible for the problems that millions face both mentally and physically.
Thank you for your input and thank you to all that have taken time to read my story and respond. I feel like i received a virtual hug when i needed it the most. :)
Regards,
LostWun
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Leaving the org and marriage possibly ending
by atacrossroads ini was raised a witness, baptized at 16, vacation pioneered, got married, etc.
i was very much your typical witness and believed it was the truth until last summer.
a very close relative of mine left the witnesses.
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Lostwun
atacrossroads I truly empathize with you because we are both in a very similar circumstance. When I first expressed to my husband my true feelings about the organization he too blamed himself for my spiritual decline. Although he wasn't as adamant as your husband about seeking help from an elder i still have this nagging feeling in the back of my head that my husband will one day let the fact that i dont believe anymore slip in one of his conversations with the elders or to someone at the hall and i will be summoned to a JC.
I pray that you and your spouse can get to a point where you can have a successful marriage without religion attached to it and that eventually he will come around to the real truth.
Hang in there!
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New Inactive One Saying Hello to all
by Lostwun inlostwun here, i joined 2 months ago but am now just finding the courage after doing more research to formally introduce myself to the board and embrace my new beginnings as an ex-jw.
i am a second-generation jw.
i grew up with parents who are well known and very respected in many circuits.
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Lostwun
fleshlyheadedmutant I'm so happy to hear you have your mate out with you. :) I pray eventually my husband will come around but for now I'm cautious like a serpent with my actions and careful not to say anything to anyone. It was so hard coming out to my husband but i am so thankful that he was so understanding because ive read of so many peoples experiences on here where they were'nt so lucky :( and it makes me sad. I've contemplated telling my mother but i don't think she would take it well. we are very close. So for now i'm stuck in my own bubble but i will posting more here. -
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New Inactive One Saying Hello to all
by Lostwun inlostwun here, i joined 2 months ago but am now just finding the courage after doing more research to formally introduce myself to the board and embrace my new beginnings as an ex-jw.
i am a second-generation jw.
i grew up with parents who are well known and very respected in many circuits.
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Lostwun
Xanthippe you got a point there, not to be in a rush and its so true! I know i shouldn't But I will admit its hard because all my research has truly opened my eyes to this organization and all i want more is to just share everything with my mate like we do everything else but I realize i just can't and its so hard!!
Thats why i do appreciate having an virtual sounding outlet here or else i think i would go crazy! lol
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New Inactive One Saying Hello to all
by Lostwun inlostwun here, i joined 2 months ago but am now just finding the courage after doing more research to formally introduce myself to the board and embrace my new beginnings as an ex-jw.
i am a second-generation jw.
i grew up with parents who are well known and very respected in many circuits.
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Lostwun
Thank you all for your replies and welcoming. It's so nice to know i'm not alone even though it can feel like it sometimes. @steve2 Thankfully we don't have any children as i feel this would have made our situation much more harder. My husband is not really devout. He occasionally misses meetings and his Field service is irregular so i feel like there is opportunity over time for some seeds to be planted but for now I have left the subject alone bcecause everytime we do end up discussing my feelings or i share something negative about the WT and his walls come right up in defense. I just dont know where to begin with him and I dont want to cause more strain to our marriage as this already has. He had the Jw dream that we would pioneer together and continue our service in another country but those dreams were smashed when i told him the truth 3 months ago and Im just trying to tread carefully with him.
He is a good man and said he will not leave me simply because i no longer believe because he married me not the religion and that he loves me deeply.
I just honestly feel this religion is going to drive a wedge between us if i cant get him to come around to seeing the real truth and that is what i am worried about! Can anybody relate? Any pointers that worked in helping your spouse wake up? Anything would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
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45
New Inactive One Saying Hello to all
by Lostwun inlostwun here, i joined 2 months ago but am now just finding the courage after doing more research to formally introduce myself to the board and embrace my new beginnings as an ex-jw.
i am a second-generation jw.
i grew up with parents who are well known and very respected in many circuits.
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Lostwun
Hello Everyone,
Lostwun here, I joined 2 months ago but am now just finding the courage after doing more research to formally introduce myself to the board and embrace my new beginnings as an ex-jw. I am a second-generation jw. I grew up with parents who are well known and very respected in many circuits. My dad is an elder and PO of his current congregation and my mom is a once regular pioneer who has since stepped down but very much devout. I have 2 siblings. 1 is disfellowshipped and the other is a devout Jw married to another strong Jw.
With the disfellowshipping of my oldest sibling at an early age and seeing the affect that it had on my parents, it made me feel from Childhood that I always had the "all eyes on me" to be a more than perfect jw in order not to disappoint anyone. I always struggled with feelings of never being good enough from an early age and i thought that if i did more for the organization i would win the love and approval i had always craved as a child. I served in two foreign language congregations, regular pioneered for 3 years and served where the need was greater in a different country where i eventually met my jw spouse.
I had doubts about the organization for awhile but those doubts really came to a head last year when i saw doctrinal inconsistencies, hypocrisy within the congregations i served in and the constant stress of gaining titles within the organization and reporting time. If you didn't hold a title of reg pioneer/ms/ elder than basically you are nothing and that type of thinking never sat well with me. I also didn't understand why so much stress was put on these things when their were no mention of it in the bible. There are a host of other things that awoken me to TTATT but I won't bombard everyone with that on here for my first post.
As of now I am currently inactive for the past 2 months with no meetings or Field service. I quit cold turkey because i can't actively participate in something i no longer believe in. Also, me being "of different color" than my husband in his congregation their are a lot of closet racist there and I just can't stand subjecting myself to anymore of the off-putting comments.
My Jw Husband has no intention ever of leaving the religion. I live about 4000 miles away from my immediate family which have no idea of my current status. We live in Hubby's small hometown where he grew up and everybody is in everybody's business so it makes fading that much harder. Already the questions and phone calls have come as to why I am not at meetings but i have avoided all jw contact as much as possible. I feel guilty however because my husband has to cover for me everytime and that's the part i hate the most, but i have too many family and friend ties in the organization to just DA at this point.
Although my hubby is the only one who knows of my current stance against the organization and respects my decision, he is very hurt, it can be nearly impossible to talk to him about what I've learned without him becoming completely defensive. Therefore I am alone in my feelings and looking for like-minded individuals here that i can talk with to share ideas, suggestions and feelings and help me through this difficult time. I need to build up an outside network as i have no close friends or family here in hubbys hometown and it's very hard.
So again I say hello everyone :) and I hope to be able to find some solace here.
Regards,
LostWun