---gutted---
You have not stated how old you are so I'll say this with out that knowledge.
I was 17 years old when I left home. The only reason I left was to get away from the WBATS. I knew in my heart that something was wrong but I had no idea what it was. It was several years later before I began to understand what a cult was.
In hind sight I wish I'd joined a branch of the military as a means to get away and learn something, I tossed the idea around then and really wish I'd joined the Coast Guard. (I really like the ocean).
What I'm getting to is, if you were to take that step you'd be in a completely new environment, you have zero chance of being harassed by any zealots and you'd have a few years to deprogram and gain some confidence.
I realize you have been told all your life that that the military is part of the evil of this world.............it's not.
You mentioned relationships you may have missed out on, they worst one you've missed is the one with yourself, until you are free of "The Borg" you don't exist. That is who'll you'll find when you leave.