Deserve, the bible is a lie, first of all. Secondly, the god of that book is extremely immoral and corrupt and you are making excuses for him. Would you ever sanction human sacrifice? Would you command murder, rape and child molestation? Would you justify slavery and suggest your friends get themselves a brown person today? Can you think of a single thing your child (if you are a parent) could ever do, the least of which is not believe you, that would cause you to condemn them to a terrible violent death? THINK!
You are better than your god. you are more moral than your god. you are more powerful than your god. He does not exist. Do what you want, but don't lay your silly justifications on anyone here, because nobody here is buying your weak way of thinking. Stop apologizing for your family, for your god, for the bible and for those disgusting smothering legalistic publications, and the crazy lying fallible old cranks who commission their writing. There is nothing good about any of it. All it does is make you sacrifice your reason. All it does is make you sacrifice your humanity. You are just too cowardly to do what you know is right. You don't need anyone's permission to go back. Just go back. Go slip back into the nice cozy little coma and belief system you’ve been conned into accepting. I am pretty sure everyone here understands that it’s a waste of time to help somebody who really doesn’t want help or direction, but who just wants to whine and wah wah about how they’re not getting the kind of warm fuzzy acceptance from the inmates of the asylum they really want.
You know what is required of you as a JW, and the biggest part of it is the publications. Grow up. It's ALL about the publications. Pay attention to how every mag and every book and every talk is designed around the publications and every bit of information, so called spiritual food ends with a punch line that says you must use and heavily rely upon the publications, and you must go out and peddle the publications. You cannot separate the JW from his publications.
Go back. LOL, now that you’ve spent time with some of us here, the grass is not going to be as green as it looks to you right now.