Tammy hun I'm sorry you're going through all this. Your man sounds like a right pig...(I remember I had one just like him)..my instinct is to tell you to kick him out or leave him, but it maybe isnt always that easy....whatever you decide, dont allow him to talk to you or demean you anymore hun. He has no right to do it and you have every right to refuse to accept it. You sound like such a good mum and so hard working all round and you deserve some real credit and appreciation for it.
Its time for you to start caring for yourself. Nice long bubble baths? Hairdo? A day off on your own at least every 2 weeks? Make it non negotiable that you take some time and effort and even expense to look after yourself - you dont need to defend it - if your husband wont care for you as he should then you do it for yourself - tell him straight that if you dont you're gonna end up in the looney bin. You have to show him and even the kids that you are worth more than how you're being treated.
I wish I could give you a big hug sweetie but I can only send one.
Loz x