Cognac, I finally read your story. Wow! Haven't we all been there at some point.
I'm sorry for what you are going through right now. You have been struggling with this for some time now.
My struggle with the religion started 4-1/2 years ago. I have been trying to use the time to educate my kids and I am happy to say that it is going well ... the marriage on the other hand, not so.
I hope you find peace. As a JW, especially born in and with so many family and all of the web that that goes with it, it is a hard thing and probably can never have it not be there in some way.
But you can be happy. You can get through this.