Your story bought tears and many memories while reading it, as my story is simlar to yours, without the abortion, i am considered "mental, mad" by my Jw mother and many of the local congregations, because i "spoke" out, not only about the history of the JW but about the "secreat socity and masons". I rember one day watching the door to door service happening in my street and watching sister after sister and brother after brother walk by my house. I said to my JW mom why did they not come in, and i likened it to angels coming to save gods chosen and passing a true beliver, i was still in the belif of Jehovah. My mother did tell me that the elders told her that "the demons had me' and to leave me alone, this floored me as it was now more then ever that i needed "them". I rember going to the kingdom hall and there were two elders there and i walked in and said about the demon thing and they both looked stunned to see me and that i actually spoke and then i told them about the mason thing and they said to me what do you want us to do, i said pray for me and took both their hands, i rember that the two elders didnt hold hands during prayer and i found that odd. I must of been a sight i think back now LOL.
Bloominglotus, i belive that the true God has lead us out of captivity of "babalon the great" and that Jesus is god incarnate in the flesh, i am the truth way and life. but you do your research. I do belive that there is a almighty god but its not "jehovah". I am not a church goer but i do pray and ask for help and faith to lead me. I belive in the "helper" and ask the helper for help. When i realized that the truth was not the truth, i belive i became a target of that god that governed JW and all that went with it. I do not beive that it is aposate that you are searching for the true God, that deserves your truth, and service.