My spirit within me kept on telling that I should. My spirit within me kept telling me that I was a son of God. The various versions of the Bibles that I read said so and I believed it with my entire being for a very long time--years. Yet, the Society and the brothers kept telling me this was not so and it couldn’t be so, and so I better not partake. I was not worthy they told me. As I questioned the teachings of the Society more and more, I came to see that what they were teaching was not true, not truth. I was told on a few occasions that I should not speak about Jesus. Made me shake my head. I was told that what I was feeling couldn’t possibly be true as God was no longer calling the anointed class, that He had stopped doing that long ago. While I didn’t believe them, because of the verses I read in the Bible, I forced myself to acquiesce to their directives. Not easy. Funny, I became one of Jehovah’s Witnesses BECAUSE of the Society’s publication Life Everlasting in Freedom of the Sons of God. That little red book with the gold-edgesd pages spoke of the Sons of God throughout its pages and as I read that book, that book, the things written in it, was speaking TO me. This was before I was baptized. But in voicing to the elders my belief and conviction that I was a son of God, the elders and regular brothers and sisters told me over and over that this was not the case. Now, mind you, I did not brazenly tout my belief to the brothers, it was only when the subject came up by them and when they directed their questions to me that I admitted the truth of my belief and convictions. I did not publicize it to brag in any sort of way. I just told the truth when I was asked about it.
They made me doubt my belief and conviction of what I was, who I was, for years.
Finally, I no longer could deny it. The first time I partook was on Memorial night back in 1999; however, I did it in a cowardly way. I was afraid that I might be disfellowshipped for doing so. Two other brothers and I met in one of their private homes and we three partook there. It was good to partake. It felt totally right. The next year (2000) I partook in the middle of the congregation and it was SO right! I was no longer afraid of men or what they could or would do to me. They did nothing.
Please know that just because I partook did not mean that I didn’t question my belief or conviction because of them. I continued to question it because of the indoctrination of the brothers and the Society’s teachings.
THEN . . .
One night in February 2001 (I can’t remember the exact date), I came home from work deeply deeply troubled and distraught. I went upstairs to my bedroom. The family was downstairs in the den eating and watching television. I was alone. I threw myself upon the bed and began in earnest my prayer to Jah. It was a prayer, a long prayer, filled with deep emotion and sincerity, filled with weeping and petitions I was making known to God. I don’t think that I’ve ever prayed like that, in this manner, to God before or since, and I have prayed earnestly many times. I begged Him to tell me whether I was a “son” or not. I told Jah that I needed to know this. If I wasn’t a son, fine. So be it. But I needed to know either way. The mental and emotional fight I was in, going back and forth, because of the Society’s teaching and because of the things I read in the Bible thoroughly confused me and did me emotional turmoil. It wasn’t a short prayer by any means. It was like the Bible describes when it says with “strong outcries and tears” this prayer that I was praying was like that.
Suddenly, at some point during the prayer, as I looked about the room, the bedroom began to undulate; no, not really the room—but rather, the air in the room; no, rather, more accurately, the “space” within the room began to undulate and swirl about the room around me. I was totally awake and watching it happen before my very physical eyes. I lay their prone on top of the bed having raised myself up on my elbows watching what was occurring. The “undulating space” swirled all about me and then began to enter me and it permeated me—my entire body. I watched and felt this. And as it swirled about the room and entered me and exited me and entered me and exited me and I felt such an incredible peace. I am not kidding. Such an incredible peace AND received the knowledge that—Yes! Indeed, I was a son of God! After a while, I do not remember how long this occurrence lasted but when it was finished, as I said, I felt such incredible PEACE. Unlike anything I have experienced before. And my spirit bore witness to me that I was indeed a son of God. I NOW KNEW THIS and no one can take it away from me ever. Not only that, but for an entire month from this event, wherever I went, whatever I did, whomever I was with, for an entire month that PEACE STAYED WITH ME. After a month, it dissipated slowly and left. But I knew what I needed to know and ever since I have never questioned my sonship again.
I have partaken ever since and will continue to do so until our Lord arrives.
--Inkie