Welcome Londoner,
you summarized what we all have gone through as we pass on in our life:
I feel my life has been wasted, taken from me, yes I am bitter, I still lose sleep over it often, but I am slowly starting to feel a heavy weight has been lifted from my back.
Give yourself time to grieve, heal and move on. Someone first suggested to me when I came here that it will take at least 2 years before you really feel "deprogrammed". So take your time, start looking at what really interests you and your wife. There is no hurry for anything anymore and don't be anxious to live all the things you think you missed out on. Just learn to love the life you have and who you are now. It will be ever changing.
Looking forward to hearing from you again.
Joy