Sending hugs to you! You are not warped, nor a monster - you are awake while they are fast asleep under mind control. It's hard being awake and still influenced by the mind control and seeing people still in it.
Your life is worth far, far more than wanting to die because of a religion! You never know who you will be the catalyst for some day to wake up. You will need to be there for the ones who come out!
Take heart and I hope you feel better. Don't give them power over you. The power is yours alone!
Sending love,
Hadit